My honeymoon lessons learned

dullard

Elite Member
May 21, 2001
25,644
4,155
126
Inspired by this thread. I don't think I've posted this in its entirety before.

Here is the story of my honeymoon. Yours definately will be better, but my example is something to think about.

Saturday: everything was perfect, the wedding was beautiful, reception was a lot of fun. My wife and I thought we would close the place down and leave after midnight. But I guess there is a long standing tradition in many areas of the US that guests cannot leave until after the wedding couple leaves. Around 11 pm we started getting many complaints asking us to leave so my relatives could go home. So we left. Drove to a bed and breakfast not too far away. New wife took ~2 hours to get her hair pins out and to get showered after the sweaty dress/dance.

Sunday: 1:30 am, she finally is done getting out of her wedding dress, came into the bedroom and wanted to go right to sleep because it was late. Biggest dissapointment of my life, sleep wasn't on my mind. I eventually caved and we went to sleep instead. 3:30 am, she wakes up vomitting all over the place. I rush to find a trashcan, it was wicker and didn't hold the liquid. I search for towels to clean it up. 4:00 am, I'm in Hy-Vee in street clothes and shiny tuxedo shoes (since I forgot to pack tennis shoes) getting Tylenol PM. 8:00 am, breakfast is delivered to the door. New wife refuses to get up and eat it. We were to leave by 9 am for the honeymoon trip.

She finally gets up around noon, just in time to get out of the bed and breakfast without a late fee. I spend that entire afternoon rescheduling everything we had planned on the honeymoon for one day later. Countless begging phone calls to waive the late cancellation fees later, I was done. We open gifts and visit relatives (the one positive thing about my whole honeymoon). No sex again since she is still feeling ill.

Monday: we are to leave at 9 am again for our delayed honeymoon. New wife refuses to get out of bed until 10 am. Luckilly I finally drag her out of bed and we barely make it on time.

Honeymoon: everything I had planned was cancelled. I wanted to do sight-seeing all over Florida. She wanted to sit by the pool and relax doing nothing. So that is what we did - absolutely nothing. Nothing during the day, nothing in bed.

All this from a fun-loving, adventurous, morning-person, wonderful girlfriend who filled me with stories of how well be having sex 5 times a day on our honeymoon. Six years later I finally had enough and got divorced and met a very wonderful new girlfriend. I like stories with a happy ending.

Lessons I learned in the worst week of my life:

1) Never leave on your honeymoon right after your wedding. I think far too many people make this mistake.

2) Anyone who waits 5 years of dating without sex until marriage is an idiot. If you have watched Sex and the City, you already know this lesson.

3) New wife refuses to have sex - at least not more than once a year. Ok, this is a personal lesson and doesn't apply to most of you, but it does fit in with the no sex after marriage cliche.

4) New wife now won't wake up before noon for anything at all. Lesson for you, even if you date someone for years, they'll might change 180° around the day you marry them.

5) New wife doesn't like to do activities on trips, I'm the exact opposite and like to fill my trips with sightseeing. Lesson for you: let your honeymoon be a slow relaxation trip just sharing time together with your new spouse. Don't make it into a vacation where you spend all your time travelling or doing things that aren't really quality time together.

6) Don't plan your wedding reception to be a late evening reception.
 

dug777

Lifer
Oct 13, 2004
24,778
4
0
:shudders:

*plans to keep living with his beautiful lady for quite a while before marrying her*

EDIT: altho i love the happy ending :D
 

krunchykrome

Lifer
Dec 28, 2003
13,413
1
0
Originally posted by: dullard
Inspired by this thread. I don't think I've posted this in its entirety before.

Here is the story of my honeymoon. Yours definately will be better, but my example is something to think about.

Saturday: everything was perfect, the wedding was beautiful, reception was a lot of fun. My wife and I thought we would close the place down and leave after midnight. But I guess there is a long standing tradition in many areas of the US that guests cannot leave until after the wedding couple leaves. Around 11 pm we started getting many complaints asking us to leave so my relatives could go home. So we left. Drove to a bed and breakfast not too far away. New wife took ~2 hours to get her hair pins out and to get showered after the sweaty dress/dance.

Sunday: 1:30 am, she finally is done getting out of her wedding dress, came into the bedroom and wanted to go right to sleep because it was late. Biggest dissapointment of my life, sleep wasn't on my mind. I eventually caved and we went to sleep instead. 3:30 am, she wakes up vomitting all over the place. I rush to find a trashcan, it was wicker and didn't hold the liquid. I search for towels to clean it up. 4:00 am, I'm in Hy-Vee in street clothes and shiny tuxedo shoes (since I forgot to pack tennis shoes) getting Tylenol PM. 8:00 am, breakfast is delivered to the door. New wife refuses to get up and eat it. We were to leave by 9 am for the honeymoon trip.

She finally gets up around noon, just in time to get out of the bed and breakfast without a late fee. I spend that entire afternoon rescheduling everything we had planned on the honeymoon for one day later. Countless begging phone calls to waive the late cancellation fees later, I was done. We open gifts and visit relatives (the one positive thing about my whole honeymoon). No sex again since she is still feeling ill.

Monday: we are to leave at 9 am again for our delayed honeymoon. New wife refuses to get out of bed until 10 am. Luckilly I finally drag her out of bed and we barely make it on time.

Honeymoon: everything I had planned was cancelled. I wanted to do sight-seeing all over Florida. She wanted to sit by the pool and relax doing nothing. So that is what we did - absolutely nothing. Nothing during the day, nothing in bed.

All this from a fun-loving, adventurous, morning-person, wonderful girlfriend who filled me with stories of how well be having sex 5 times a day on our honeymoon. Six years later I finally had enough and got divorced and met a very wonderful new girlfriend. I like stories with a happy ending.

Lessons I learned in the worst week of my life:

1) Never leave on your honeymoon right after your wedding. I think far too many people make this mistake.

2) Anyone who waits 5 years of dating without sex until marriage is an idiot. If you have watched Sex and the City, you already know this lesson.

3) New wife refuses to have sex - at least not more than once a year. Ok, this is a personal lesson and doesn't apply to most of you, but it does fit in with the no sex after marriage cliche.

4) New wife now won't wake up before noon for anything at all. Lesson for you, even if you date someone for years, they'll still change 180° around the day you marry them.

5) New wife doesn't like to do activities on trips, I'm the exact opposite and like to fill my trips with sightseeing. Lesson for you: let your honeymoon be a slow relaxation trip just sharing time together with your new spouse. Don't make it into a vacation where you spend all your time travelling or doing things that aren't really quality time together.


So let me get this straight, you divorced this woman and now you're with a wonderful girl?
 

dullard

Elite Member
May 21, 2001
25,644
4,155
126
Originally posted by: krunchykrome
So let me get this straight, you divorced this woman and now you're with a wonderful girl?
Yes.

 

QED

Diamond Member
Dec 16, 2005
3,428
3
0
Why the hell people plan wedding receptions until 11 PM or later is beyond me.

And why the hell people think they need to drink at such a special occasion is beyond me.

In my case, 11 AM wedding = 1 PM reception (no alcolhol) = 5 PM check-in at hotel = all the sex you could ever want for five straight days and nights.
 

bennylong

Platinum Member
Apr 20, 2006
2,493
0
0
5 years without sex with someone you were dating and why? How did you do it??? You could have just went out with your friends instead of dating if she isn't giving it up
 

dullard

Elite Member
May 21, 2001
25,644
4,155
126
Originally posted by: QED
Why the hell people plan wedding receptions until 11 PM or later is beyond me.
I suppose that should be a lesson too? I'll edit my original post to include this.
And why the hell people think they need to drink at such a special occasion is beyond me.
We refused to serve alcohol at our wedding because her family is full of alcoholics. The wedding table did share a bottle of champaigne though.
 

Nebor

Lifer
Jun 24, 2003
29,582
12
76
You should have smacked her around a bit, that would have changed her tune.
 

dullard

Elite Member
May 21, 2001
25,644
4,155
126
Originally posted by: bennylong
5 years without sex with someone you were dating and why? How did you do it??? You could have just went out with your friends instead of dating if she isn't giving it up
We were highschool sweethearts. And she came from a Catholic school. Young and religious - it just wasn't going to happen. She kept me satisfied in that mannor in every other imaginable fashion. But we just didn't go all the way.
 
L

Lola

HOLY SH!T!!!! :(

To other men out there... THIS DOES NOT ALWAYS HAPPEN...
some of us girls do not chnage when we get married...
 

amdhunter

Lifer
May 19, 2003
23,332
249
106
You dated her 5 years with no sex? And then married her?

I don't see how you can marry someone you haven't had sex with. That is just so retarded. :confused:
 

Fraggable

Platinum Member
Jul 20, 2005
2,799
0
0
Originally posted by: bennylong
5 years without sex with someone you were dating and why? How did you do it??? You could have just went out with your friends instead of dating if she isn't giving it up

Why? How did he do it? Probably the same way it's been done for the last few thousands of years.

I respect the OP for that, it's not easy but I believe it's the right way to do it. It's a shame she changed so much after the wedding. Maybe you should have gone to couples' counselling?
 

edro

Lifer
Apr 5, 2002
24,326
68
91
Have you banged the new girl yet? I take it you're still a virgin?
 

Kntx

Platinum Member
Dec 11, 2000
2,270
0
71
Originally posted by: QED
Why the hell people plan wedding receptions until 11 PM or later is beyond me.

And why the hell people think they need to drink at such a special occasion is beyond me.

In my case, 11 AM wedding = 1 PM reception (no alcolhol) = 5 PM check-in at hotel = all the sex you could ever want for five straight days and nights.

11pm late?? I've never been to a wedding reception that ended before 3am. I think it's pretty typical.
 

BoberFett

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
37,562
9
81
Haha, sounds like the honeymoon with my first wife. What a nightmare.

We got married in March, and not having much money we decided to go up north for the honeymoon. Not a good idea to go north in Minnesota in the beginning of March. We got hit by a blizzard near Duluth, and barely made it to the resort.

A few months before the wedding we decided to abstain from sex until after we were married even though we'd been sleeping together all along. We were young, naive. Stupid. For some reason we thought it would make the honeymoon that much better. Didn't have sex once during that time. My new bride barely wanted to get out of bed. That behavior carried on through most of the marriage.

Also, when you're starting a fire in the fireplace with one of those fake logs, be wary of how hot it gets, and don't close the glass doors too soon. Our fireplace got too hot and the glass fireplace doors exploded. To make matters worse, due to the stress of planning an elaborate wedding/reception I lost a lot of weight between the time I bought my wedding ring and the time we got married. When I went to reach for the poker to try to reign in the inferno, the ring flew off my now skinny finger and into the fire. Without thinking, I reached in to grab it. I ended up with a burned hand and a singed ring which lost some of it's fancy texturing when we had the jeweler attempt to buff it out.

I should have taken that honeymoon as a sign and had the marriage anulled immediately. Oh well, live and learn. My second wife is amazing. If there was one piece of advice I could to all the young'uns, it'd be to marry a stripper that knows how to cook and loves to do it for you, and wants nothing more for a wedding than to fly to Vegas and get hitched by Elvis. It's worked out pretty well for me.
 

Nebor

Lifer
Jun 24, 2003
29,582
12
76
The lesson is: never get married, ever. You as a man gain virtually nothing from it. It's just a woman's way to trap you.
 

OutHouse

Lifer
Jun 5, 2000
36,410
616
126
wow, that sucks. so you dated your ex wife for 5 years with no nookie before hand and she made you all kinds of promises that you two will be shagging 5X a day on the honeymoon?

im glad my wife wasnt like yours. we f*cked like rabbits before we got married, f*cked like rabbits on the honeymoon, and 18 years later we still f*ck like rabbits. you just picked the wrong girl, i hope the new one works out for you.
 

bennylong

Platinum Member
Apr 20, 2006
2,493
0
0
Originally posted by: BoberFett
Haha, sounds like the honeymoon with my first wife. What a nightmare.

We got married in March, and not having much money we decided to go up north for the honeymoon. Not a good idea to go north in Minnesota in the beginning of March. We got hit by a blizzard near Duluth, and barely made it to the resort.

A few months before the wedding we decided to abstain from sex until after we were married even though we'd been sleeping together all along. We were young, naive. Stupid. For some reason we thought it would make the honeymoon that much better. Didn't have sex once during that time. My new bride barely wanted to get out of bed. That behavior carried on through most of the marriage.

Also, when you're starting a fire in the fireplace with one of those fake logs, be wary of how hot it gets, and don't close the glass doors too soon. Our fireplace got too hot and the glass fireplace doors exploded. To make matters worse, due to the stress of planning an elaborate wedding/reception I lost a lot of weight between the time I bought my wedding ring and the time we got married. When I went to reach for the poker to try to reign in the inferno, the ring flew off my now skinny finger and into the fire. Without thinking, I reached in to grab it. I ended up with a burned hand and a singed ring which lost some of it's fancy texturing when we had the jeweler attempt to buff it out.

I should have taken that honeymoon as a sign and had the marriage anulled immediately. Oh well, live and learn. My second wife is amazing. If there was one piece of advice I could to all the young'uns, it'd be to marry a stripper that knows how to cook and loves to do it for you, and wants nothing more for a wedding than to fly to Vegas and get hitched by Elvis. It's worked out pretty well for me.

Does one need a lot of $$$$ to marry one of these strippers and where can you meet these strippers besides the club?

 

Torghn

Platinum Member
Mar 21, 2001
2,171
0
76
Originally posted by: amdhunter
You dated her 5 years with no sex? And then married her?

I don't see how you can marry someone you haven't had sex with. That is just so retarded. :confused:


My wife and I dated for 4 years with no sex before we got married. Honeymoon was awsome. We've been married for 3 years now and I couldn't be happier.
 

dullard

Elite Member
May 21, 2001
25,644
4,155
126
Originally posted by: Fraggable
I respect the OP for that, it's not easy but I believe it's the right way to do it. It's a shame she changed so much after the wedding. Maybe you should have gone to couples' counselling?
I too thought it was noble, if not quite difficult. I like to challenge myself, and that was a challenge. But no, it is not the right way to do it. You have to test drive a vehicle before buying it. Anything else is just being stupid.

Counselling was attempted in limited ways. It really didn't help. But we didn't try many different counsellors. She found her own form of councelling in men she dated during our marriage.
Originally posted by: edro
Have you banged the new girl yet? I take it you're still a virgin?
We are doing just fine, thanks. Our 1 year anniversary is this month.