- Jul 19, 2004
I typed a novel last night and the forum was down by the time i posted it. may not know anyone here, but sometimes that helps. I have noone to turn to. I loved her more than anything humanly imaginable to me, and last night she said she had lost that love for me. I have never felt such pain in all my life. Nor emptyness. Its like an unforgiving feeling of butterflies in my stomach, like im standing on the stage ready to present a speech to a crowd of millions. Only I cant just turn and walk of the stage now. She said she wants to be friends still but needs time. Time i cannot seem to give. All I can do isthink of her. I just dont understand it, she has been planning a birthday party for me for weeks all just to break up with me 11 days prior? She said there is noone else but im not sure if that is not entirely truthful. She has a really good friend she basically went to see for 2 and a half weeks on canada day. Since then, nothing has been the same. Either she realised something or something happened. All I can do is try and piece together what happened, and go over every incrimental detail ten-fold. I have nothing to keep her off my mind. I have some really close friends, but none who would understand and those that would are not who i feel extremely comfortable showing me in such a weak and painful state of mind. Everything in my house is her. She helped my family lay the hardwood floors i now sit on, her blankets are on my bed, love letters in my dresser. Not even 2 weeks ago we had a great time out fishing and she caught a 2 pound smallmouth on a bobber. We had been fighting alot lately, but I was trying so hard to understand, and fix things. Sometimes it felt like she just didnt want to put the effort in anymore. I have lost 4 and a half pounds since 6:30 last night. I have no ambition to eat, drink, I cannot sleep, all I can do is think. I have no ambition to go see friends, im dying to call her but know i cant. I called her once after we broke last night and she wasnt to impressed. I just needed to hear her voice. I hoped for a change of mind. I pray with everything I have that she will realise what she is giving up on and come back. I love her unconditionaly. I want to talk to her, try and figure out where we went wrong, even just spend a few hours with her. I have delt with death of family and of close friends, and it is very difficult. But losing someone you love seems so much different. I just need someone to talk to.