My GF's parents are the most horrible parents!

[blahblah99]

They are the most stubborn and anal people I've met. She's 20 and I'm 23 and we've been going out for a few months.


They try not to let her out the the apartment, yet they don't care if she takes a 1 hr bus ride home.
They don't encourage her or help her do well in school, yet they want her to get straight A's.
They like think they are the king and queen and everyone has to bow down to them.
They like to think they have all the power in the world.
They oppress my GF and she can't fight back or they will give the excuse of "as long as your living in my house...."

My GF has to kiss up to her mom and dad all the time just so she can live with them. I've met her parents a few times and been cool with them so far, but I've lost all respect for them based on what my gf told me yesterday on the phone. Her mom basically said "if you get married to him, you will be excluded from our family." That was the exact words that came out of her mom's mouth. She told me her mom wants to be respected and kissed up to. I told my gf respect is something YOU EARN, not given - and its not like I've been rude or anything. I say hello and ask them how they are doing and be polite and everything when I visit her place. Sheesh, I thought people could rationalize a little better by the age of 50, but I guess I was wrong. What can I do about this?

 

[bmacd]

ask her to move in with you? She's your GF...not your wife. Don't be so controlling...if she's comfortable with it, then so be it.

-=bmacd=-

 

[Blieb]

Actually ... if you're nailing their daughter ... they do kinda have you by the balls, and you should really be kissing their royal asses.

 

[SlowSS]

Sounds like she need to get a job and get her own place.

She is old enough to make decisions for herself and shouldn't rely on her parents.

 

[CraigRT]

he's not talking about just moving out though
some of them seem reasonable.
whilst i have seen stuff like that before and not really thought much about it, it's definitely not one of the best parental qualities being like that, that's for sure.

 

[notfred]

My fiancee's dad abandoned his children when they were infants and her mom abandoned her while she was in high school. She moved out of state with an abusive drug dealer leaving my fiancee with no place to live.

 

[minendo]

My girlfriend's mom is the same way. Well, she (gf) got so sick of it that she is moving out in January.

 

[CurtCold]

That sucks, she's old enought to do whatever the hell she wants to know, so let her make that decision. Maybe they just want her out or something. I can't imagine living with my parents for that long, not that they are bad people, just I didn't wanna be under there roof, or control anymore.

 

[Lola]

You know....if she didn't like her parents, well...thats one thing. But If you don't like/respect them..thats another. You can talk and talk to her until you're blue in the face, but if she doesn't mind the way they treat her, or should i say, if she dosen't care enoguh to do something about it, there is really nothing YOU can do. If she is that ticked off by them, tell her to move out. She is an adult, if she wants to leave, that is up to her. If the parents say.. "if you leave, you will never be welcomed here again..." they usually are just threatening her. Is she the only child? or is she the youngest or teh only girl? THis may have something to do with what they are saying. Perhaps they don't want to realize that she is grown up.

Do you plan on marrying her? That was kinda weird of them to say if she marries you, she will be disowned from the family or whatever....

 

[blahblah99]

Well, we're not doing anything sexual related besides kissing. She goes to school full time at a major university, she has a part-time job. But as most of us know, part-time jobs with full-time schooling sucks as they pay under $10. There's no way she can pay for rent, car bills, and insurance with just a part time job, let alone living expenses.

Edit: She even agrees with me that her parents are oppressing her. She always tells me how she has to kiss up to her parents so that they will "accept" her as their daugther. She spent most of her childhood growing up with her parents living in a different country.

 

[Pepsei]

more info please... are you inter-racial? or inter-class? that may explains why they're prejudice....

 

[blahblah99]

I'm chinese, she's like 75% chinese 25% philipino.

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that she lived in the philiphines most of her childhood while her parents live in the US and that her parents didn't really watch her grow up.

THAT, and the fact that her mom had past history when she was around 20yr old. Both me and my GF can't figure out what the deal is with her mom, but what's FACT is that her oldest sister is 30 and her mom is 50 so that might have something to do with it.

 

[ElFenix]

hmmm... philippines... your GF's mother was a whore, sorry to break it to you.


seriously, theres worse parents out there, like notfred's girlfriend's. and if marriage is down the road for yall then you'll just have to wait until she can afford to live elsewhere then you can tell them to fsck the hell off.

 

[gotsmack]

why don't her parents like you?

 

[tarheelmm]

Maybe she needs to stand up on her own two feet???

 

[J5im8yo]

I'm Chinese too, and lots of Chinese families are like that. Its just the culture and our highly expected value "respect!" Not really the best thing in the world but sometimes just gotta use to it.

In fact isn't ur gf living in her parents house? Well, that tells why she has to obey them. Once she gets out of school and gets enough money she can just tell them to FOCK OFF.

 

[StageLeft]

That sucks and they probably are a bit nasty but don't forget you're only hearing her side of things. My older brother had a gf for several years who for one reason or another hated my parents. Basically it's because all she heard was bad. According to her they were evil terrible people and that was just not the case; my brother would relay only the bad things about my parents and none of the good.

 

[Ime]

She's an adult, she can make her own choices.

I was in that situation before as well. I just stuck it out until I got a good enough job to live on my own. Parents talk alot of Sh!t, but once you move out and are able to support yourself, they will respect you.

 

[blahblah99]

I don't know. They want everyone to be "perfect". They are always trying to find faults in me.

For example, her mom tells my gf when I come visit my gf, I don't dress up nicely and that's being disrespectful and rude to the mom. I usually visit her in a pair of jeans, dress shoes, and a nice t-shirt if we're not going out. If we are going out, I dress up nicer.

When I had lunch with her family one time, she said I was cheap because "I didn't try to pay" when in fact I was trying to pull the bill away from her father so I can pay for it, but the mom didn't see that.

When I visited her yesterday, the mom told her that I didn't say to the mom first before she said hi. WTF!?

It's obvious they don't like me, but I havn't done anything that deserves that.

 

[Lola]

Originally posted by: Ime
She's an adult, she can make her own choices.

I was in that situation before as well. I just stuck it out until I got a good enough job to live on my own. Parents talk alot of Sh!t, but once you move out and are able to support yourself, they will respect you.

You know, I couldn't have said it better my self. Same thing happened with my dad and I. He thought i would never mature and grown up. One day i said screw it and i moved out. At that point i didn't care if he ever talked to me again. Now, he realizes that i am an adult and don't need him.

Your Girlfriend really needs to somehow be strong and leave. I feel for her and for you. This is a horrible situation to be in.

 

[radioouman]

How about if you get out of her life?? I mean, it's not worth screwing up her relationship with her family by having a relationship with her, right?

 

[Stark]

These are your two choices:

find a new gf or shut up and live with it.


Honestly, those are your two choices. And expect your GF to one day act a lot like her mother.

 

[dabuddha]

just curious but are either one of you guys fobs? or both born in america or raised in america?

 

[StageLeft]

Originally posted by: Stark
These are your two choices:

find a new gf or shut up and live with it.


Honestly, those are your two choices. And expect your GF to one day act a lot like her mother.

:Q

 

[crystal]

If they think you are not good enough for their daughter, then in their eyes you are still not good enough. Like you mention, respect is something you have to earn. But like everything in life, it is a two ways street. From reading your post, you didn't gain any points from her parents.