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My doctor asked me to be a mentor

C

Cougar

Golden Member
I've never been too wild on posting private information on the 'net but at this point I just need someone to bounce this off of and get some feedback. I've got a variant of Sickle Cell disease and when I went to the doctor the other day for my checkup he told me that he really wants me to be a mentor in a new program the hospital is starting up. Basically he told me that I handle my condition so well that he'd like both me and my mom to mentor families that have to deal with this disease (I'm not sure if it would be just the parents or the kids as well). I guess they're attempting to figure out what my mom did in raising me and how I handle "life" that makes me different that his other patients.

Now, I feel honored that he'd ask me to do something like this and I feel obligated to help out other families that have to deal with this, but I just don't know if I can do it. I try my best to lead a normal life but I don't think I handle my condition all that well. I still get pissed off that I have to deal with this condition, I still have a hard time coping with the complications that I face, and I have a really hard time talking to people about this. I may be off on this but I think that if I was to mentor someone then I should have my act together so to speak and not have any self-doubts.

They're still in the preliminary stages of creating this program so I've got time to decide but I really don't know what to do. I'd like to help other people out, honestly I would, but I just don't know if I'm qualified enough to be giving anyone advice on this subject. Has anyone had any similar experience? I'll probably call the social worker at the hospital within the next couple of weeks and talk with her but I thought with all the members here that someone might have some useful advice for me.

Sorry if this was too long. I tried to keep it short. If you're gonna call me a coward or a wuss for having doubts then so be it...I don't really care at this point.
 
Don't feel obligated. Just do it if you feel like doing it. You're not less of a person for not wanting to. (And everyone has self-doubt, it's all about the face you wear in front of people)
 
You're not obligated, if you dont think you can handle teh job then you should definitely turn it down.
 
I think you have some inaccurate perceptions. I do not think they expect you to have "your act together" all the time. Anyone with a chronic disease is going to have times when they are pissed off about it. That's completely normal.

You won't be expected to have all the answers. Many times people just need to talk with someone who understands how they feel, and you absolutely will be able to fulfill that role. You are qualified to give advice because you share the same illness. That doesn't mean that you are supposed to fix their problems or tell them what to do. Offering a compassionate ear, and offering some encouragement while sharing your own feelings is going to be very helpful to people.

I think you'll have an easier time talking to people about your condition when those people are in the same situation.

Give yourself credit - obviously your doctor is impressed with how you are coping with your illness.

I'm not trying to sway you either way - it's a very personal decision you are facing - but at least talk to the social worker about it. Ask the SW to describe how the program might work, what you are expected to do, etc.

If you do decide to go for it, I believe you'll find it a very rewarding experience. Good luck with your decision.
 
Just turn it down and say you aren't interested in participating. Ethically they cannot dig into your emotions to find out why either, so you don't need to come up with any type of excuse.
 
I know I'm not obligated to do this, but I guess I look at this from the parents perspective. If I had a kid that was born with this and I had no idea what kind of life they could lead and what to expect to face over the years I'd like to talk to someone that's actually been through it all. Doctors can educate you about the specifics of the disease and tell you what lies ahead but only someone that's actually been through it can tell you what it's like living with it on a day to day basis...ya know?

I'm not trying to paint a bleak picture of my life or anything like that, but it still is something that people like me have to deal with each day so it's not like it can just be ignored and pushed aside. I know that over the years as I was growing up it would have been nice to talk to someone about this so I guess that's part of the reason I feel obligated too.

I've gotten to be quite the expert at putting on a happy face in front of other people and pretend that nothing is wrong. Heck, it took me probably 6 years to tell my best friend what was wrong with me so putting on a happy face is something that I've grown quite accustomed to. I just think that for someone to provide any sort of advice to someone else then they should practice what they preach. If I tell someone that they shouldn't worry and everything will be ok, then I should believe the same thing too.
 
Giving advice doesn't have to mean you play happy and blow sunshine up someone's butt.

You already mentioned how it would have been nice to talk to someone about it when you were younger. So imagine yourself in that position - if you had had someone to talk to, and they told you the truth about things (not pretending everything is wonderful) - would that have helped?

You have a good point in that you should be true to yourself if you take this on. You certainly ought to feel free to talk to the SW about your feelings. Explain what you would be comfortable telling people about your experience and ask straight out if that would be suitable for what they want to do. You shouldn't feel like you have to fake anything.
 
I don't think you have to be perfect to be a mentor, it is just obvious to the doctor that with your condition you have an overall positive outlook. But if you think mentoring would actually affect your positive outlook, make it less positive or more difficult to achieve, then maybe you'd best pass it up.
 
Originally posted by: kranky
I think you have some inaccurate perceptions. I do not think they expect you to have "your act together" all the time. Anyone with a chronic disease is going to have times when they are pissed off about it. That's completely normal.

You won't be expected to have all the answers. Many times people just need to talk with someone who understands how they feel, and you absolutely will be able to fulfill that role. You are qualified to give advice because you share the same illness. That doesn't mean that you are supposed to fix their problems or tell them what to do. Offering a compassionate ear, and offering some encouragement while sharing your own feelings is going to be very helpful to people.

I think you'll have an easier time talking to people about your condition when those people are in the same situation.

Give yourself credit - obviously your doctor is impressed with how you are coping with your illness.

I'm not trying to sway you either way - it's a very personal decision you are facing - but at least talk to the social worker about it. Ask the SW to describe how the program might work, what you are expected to do, etc.

If you do decide to go for it, I believe you'll find it a very rewarding experience. Good luck with your decision.
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Me thinks I need to type quicker. I started my last post before you finished yours...anyway...

It might be a little easier to talk about this with people in the same situation, but I just don't know. I tend to clam up the minute the topic turns to my health or my condition and I've never really been comfortable discussing it face to face with someone else. I have a hard time even posting about it. My doctor has told me repeatedly that I'm one of his highest functioning patients and he attributes that to something my parents instilled in me when I was growing up but I just don't know if that's an accurate depiction of the situation.

My entire life's purpose has been to be "normal" (my friend hates when I say that 'cause normal doesn't exist but it's the way I feel). I've used every last ounce of strength and will power to blend in with the rest of the crowd and vanish. I don't want to be seen as being different than anyone else so I fight hard to keep up the illusion that there's nothing wrong with me. I think this is the only reason that I've gotten as far as I have (not like I've made much progress but still). I'll do whatever it takes for people to glance over me and not even notice I'm there. Call it sad, but it's the truth. I don't want to be any different than anyone else and I put myself through hell to accomplish this.

I'm definitely going to talk to the social worker just 'cause I need to know exactly what's involved in the process but I'll also try to get some of this off my chest and see what she thinks. I know it will probably be a rewarding experience if I go through with it but it's just a topic that I have a real hard time addressing.
 
Originally posted by: kranky
Giving advice doesn't have to mean you play happy and blow sunshine up someone's butt.

You already mentioned how it would have been nice to talk to someone about it when you were younger. So imagine yourself in that position - if you had had someone to talk to, and they told you the truth about things (not pretending everything is wonderful) - would that have helped?

You have a good point in that you should be true to yourself if you take this on. You certainly ought to feel free to talk to the SW about your feelings. Explain what you would be comfortable telling people about your experience and ask straight out if that would be suitable for what they want to do. You shouldn't feel like you have to fake anything.
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I guess you're right, I probably won't have to go in there all cheery and bubbly and pretend that life is perfect. I honestly have no idea what this process usually involves.

Since I kept this all bottled up for so long and never talked to anyone about it I think that's what's contributed to the way I am today and how I feel uncomfortable with the topic. I look back and think if I had someone to talk to from the time I was very young then things might have been different today...I dunno. Now I'm opening up a little bit more so that's why I figure that having someone to talk to that's in the same situation would help these families....hence the reason I feel like it's something that I should do.
 
Take some advice from Viper GTS - see his sig, in particular.


Now I've read a bit of the thread and I see that somebody else beat me to it.
 
Originally posted by: Yo_Ma-Ma
I don't think you have to be perfect to be a mentor, it is just obvious to the doctor that with your condition you have an overall positive outlook. But if you think mentoring would actually affect your positive outlook, make it less positive or more difficult to achieve, then maybe you'd best pass it up.
Click to expand...

Hmmm...I never thought of it from that perspective. I have no idea if the people that I'd talk to would bring me down. I don't think they would but since I've never been in this situation before I'm not sure how I would react. I guess that's something else to consider before I make any decisions.
 
While the option is ultimately up to you, think about what you've just said, and how someone with the same condition would be able to relate.

It is the struggle and how you deal with it that is important.

If they wanted someone to act "normal" and be a perfect role model, they would hire an actor to "play" that he had the disorder, but somehow managed (through whatever the motivational phrase of the moment is) to be "normal".

It is sometimes easier to climb out of a hole with people helping alongside you, rather than calling encouragement from the top.
 
Speaking from experience, it really helps yourself when you help others deal with problems that you have had to deal with. That was probably a run-on sentence, but I'm sure you get the point. It is up to you, but helping others is good as a rule. If you're worried, talk to your doctor and ask if there would be any ramifications (disappointed 10 year old, etc.) if you pulled out of mentoring because you couldn't handle it/didn't want to/etc.
 
I think it's a cool idea!!! Mentors get to wear those cool shiney costumes with a red cape and fight bulls in front of huge crowds of people! Then women throw flowers at you and people put you on their shoulders after you kill the bull! I'd do it!!!! 😀
 
Originally posted by: jarfykk
Speaking from experience, it really helps yourself when you help others deal with problems that you have had to deal with. That was probably a run-on sentence, but I'm sure you get the point. It is up to you, but helping others is good as a rule. If you're worried, talk to your doctor and ask if there would be any ramifications (disappointed 10 year old, etc.) if you pulled out of mentoring because you couldn't handle it/didn't want to/etc.
Click to expand...

myusername, jarfykk...

That's why I almost feel obligated to do this 'cause I know that there have to be people out there that would like to talk to someone that's walked the walk. I know no one is forcing me to do it but I guess it feel like something I should be doing which is why I'm so conflicted. I want to help other people out but I don't know if I can handle it.

jarfykk...you say you speak from experience, does that mean that you were a mentor, or you just had someone to talk to while you were growing up? I have no idea what is involved with this entire process so I'm so hesitant to volunteer myself to do this. I know the social worker will be able to answer alot of these questions when the time comes but I guess if I can get a little more background into the situation then I'd be a little more prepared to make a decision.
 
Originally posted by: bamacre
I think you should give it a shot, no hurt in trying it. It may end up helping you in the long run.
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Yeah, it might help me out too...maybe once I start talking about it openly to other people it won't be such a difficult topic. I'd really like to help out others like me, I just need to find out what I would have to do if I signed up for this program. They told me to think about it and get back to them but I really need some more information at this point. For instance, would I have to go to people's homes? Would I have to visit them in the hospital? What am I supposed to do when I meet them? Too many unanswered questions at this point.


I think it's a cool idea!!! Mentors get to wear those cool shiney costumes with a red cape and fight bulls in front of huge crowds of people! Then women throw flowers at you and people put you on their shoulders after you kill the bull! I'd do it!!!!
Click to expand...

I didn't realize I'd get a costume out of the deal! Do I get to keep the sword? 😀

Also, these women...would they be willing to perform certain, shall we say, "favors" since I killed the bull (like cleaning my room)?
 
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