Multi-cultural Relationship Problem....

[shifrbv]

I'm dating someone who is from Russia. This person is great and I have a really good relationship with them. The problem is, whenever I have to get together with this person's family (parents and grandparents) for family occasions and dinners, they are always speaking Russian. They are all citizens, but like alot of first-generation immigrants, they continue to speak their native language even though they have lived here for many years. I don't speak Russian (but have picked up a few words from hearing their conversations). Whenever they have a family dinner, I always feel like I don't fit in. They speak their native language and all I can do is smile and sit quietly. This person's mother is especially bad. Even though she speaks English, she always speaks in Russian at these family occasions and whenever she calls on the phone so I don't understand a word. I don't feel like I'll ever have a meaningful relationship with this person's family because they refuse to learn/speak English and I'm not going to learn Russian just so I can speak to them on occasion.

Has anyone else been in a relationship like this? If so, how are you (or did you) handling it?

 

[OS]

Sorry to hear that. I see it two ways, either the family is purposefully trying to exclude you (Unlikely in the case of the entire family, but possible in the case of just the mother) or they are just merely inconsiderate. I guess the best you can do is muddle your way through it, have you talked to your gf about this? Talk to her about it first.

 

[fdiskboy]

If you like the girl, learn Russian. What an opportunity to interact with native speakers of the language! I'd die for that kind of chance.

If you don't really care, go find some nice WASP's daughter and feel right at home. (bawk, bawk)

 

[kranky]

If you don't mind 2 cents from someone who's never been in that situation...

I wouldn't care about a phone call, if they want to speak Russian to each other. But when you are at their house, and they are easily able to speak English, I would consider it basic courtesy for them to do so. Yes, you should talk to your gf about it. There's nothing wrong with telling her you feel unwelcome when you are at their home and no one will speak English. Maybe they don't even realize that it affects you. I know it would bother me.

 

[OS]

<< If you don't really care, go find some nice WASP's daughter and feel right at home. (bawk, bawk) >>



Yeah, but Russian girls are hot!

 

[Optimus]

I have a somewhat similar situation, in that my wife's entire family speak spanish. Some only speak spanish, while her parents and siblings speak fluent english, so that helps!

My advice? Give it time - right now you are the &quot;boyfriend&quot; and they may be weary of making the effort... you have to try to understand that, right or wrong. After time - and especially if you get engaged/married, they will almost certainly make the effort then (if not, they don't like you and be glad you don't understand them! ).

Until then, smile, be polite, and drag them along a little by asking THEM questions in english from time to time! If they don't answer, turn and ask your GF.

BTW, what is her take on this? Have you discussed it?

Good Luck!

 

[pdo]

I feel your pain bro. I'm Asian and have an English brother-in-law. We all try to speak English around him as much as we can just because we respect him. Even my dad who only speaks a couple words will try to communicate with him through English. That would be very rude if they act like you don't even exist.