MTV Sues God over Copyright Infringement
For the first time in over twenty years, an American company is suing the Supreme Being for an alleged copyright infringement.
MTV, owned by media giant Viacom, is suing God over the new title of his weekly radio show and webcast, "Viva la God," which the company maintains is a cheap knockoff of its hit show "Viva La Bam," staring famed skateboarder Bam Margera. God's show was originally entitled "Sunday Night Jazz with Jehovah".
But God isn't buying MTV's claims. "It really is BS. I totally came up with that title on my own. I don't even watch MTV, I'm more of a VH1 fan."
"I totally made that up on my own, I wasn't even thinking of that stupid show," said God, "I mean those guys eat excrement for ratings. They're retarded, why would I want to name my show after them? Jesus, I created those bungholes, and now they're suing me. Like they can sue God, that's just preposterous."
But unfortunately for God, it looks like they can. MTV confirmed it has retained renowned litigator Johnny Cochrane and his crack legal team to represent them in the suit, which is seeking $2.4 million from God, a public apology, and an immediate end of his use of the title.
"Screw them, like I even have that much money," said God. The Heavenly Father is known to occasionally court bankruptcy, but the current state of his finances is unknown. He has borrowed money in the past from the Holy Roman and Mormon churches to help pay legal fees, money the churches say God never paid back. "Let the Animists or the Hindus pay next time," the Pope said from the hospital, "I mean this guy never paid us, even after he went to that conference in Vegas last year and hit it big. He said he would, and now he's making me sick because I complained about it."
This is not the first time the Heavenly Father has encountered legal trouble. Last year the Vatican paid God's bail when he was arrested for public intoxication in a New Orleans public park. He later said that he was "intoxicated only on the Holy Spirit." The judge disagreed, and the Holy Roman Church paid his $100 dollar fine.
"I was broke," shrugged God.
In response to MTV's suit, God has countersued, and is also threatening MTV with a plague of locusts, an early arrival of the Apocalypse, and sending former MTV show host and pretty-boy Carson Daily to hell as an example to the others.
"I was going to do all that anyway," said God," but MTV's really been pissing me off lately, so I figured I'd start a little early." God said he is also planning on reincarnating Viacom's entire corporate board into African Dung Beetles.
"Do you know what dung beetles eat? Dung! Isn't that gross? And I invented them just so that I could reincarnate anyone who pisses me off into a stupid beetle that rolls balls of dung around and then eats it. So eat dung, y'all mo'fo's at MTV!"
God is being represented by legal counsel from the heavenly law office of Krishna, Abraham, and Christ.
If he loses in US civil court, the case could be appealed by either party to the Heavenly Tribunal, made up of Justices Buddha, Mohammed, and when he shows up, current Chief Justice Hunter S. Thompson. The court was formed in 1983 and hears all cases on appeal in which God is the defendant. The last case the Court heard was in 1998, when ABC successfully sued God for illegally copying Monday Night Football games and selling them over the Internet to Guatemala.
The Heavenly Tribunal overruled the judgment, but unfortunately the legal reasoning behind the decision was unknown because Chief Justice Thompson's opinion was largely unintelligible, amounting to an approximate half-page of scribbled gibberish and a hastily sketched rendition of what appeared to be the Devil performing unspeakable acts to a goat. The Devil was unavailable for comment, but God had one more thing to say. "Did y'all see that Napoleon Dynamite? Hot damn was that a good one. If a movie can make Idaho look fun, man, it's got my vote for the academy."
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For the first time in over twenty years, an American company is suing the Supreme Being for an alleged copyright infringement.
MTV, owned by media giant Viacom, is suing God over the new title of his weekly radio show and webcast, "Viva la God," which the company maintains is a cheap knockoff of its hit show "Viva La Bam," staring famed skateboarder Bam Margera. God's show was originally entitled "Sunday Night Jazz with Jehovah".
But God isn't buying MTV's claims. "It really is BS. I totally came up with that title on my own. I don't even watch MTV, I'm more of a VH1 fan."
"I totally made that up on my own, I wasn't even thinking of that stupid show," said God, "I mean those guys eat excrement for ratings. They're retarded, why would I want to name my show after them? Jesus, I created those bungholes, and now they're suing me. Like they can sue God, that's just preposterous."
But unfortunately for God, it looks like they can. MTV confirmed it has retained renowned litigator Johnny Cochrane and his crack legal team to represent them in the suit, which is seeking $2.4 million from God, a public apology, and an immediate end of his use of the title.
"Screw them, like I even have that much money," said God. The Heavenly Father is known to occasionally court bankruptcy, but the current state of his finances is unknown. He has borrowed money in the past from the Holy Roman and Mormon churches to help pay legal fees, money the churches say God never paid back. "Let the Animists or the Hindus pay next time," the Pope said from the hospital, "I mean this guy never paid us, even after he went to that conference in Vegas last year and hit it big. He said he would, and now he's making me sick because I complained about it."
This is not the first time the Heavenly Father has encountered legal trouble. Last year the Vatican paid God's bail when he was arrested for public intoxication in a New Orleans public park. He later said that he was "intoxicated only on the Holy Spirit." The judge disagreed, and the Holy Roman Church paid his $100 dollar fine.
"I was broke," shrugged God.
In response to MTV's suit, God has countersued, and is also threatening MTV with a plague of locusts, an early arrival of the Apocalypse, and sending former MTV show host and pretty-boy Carson Daily to hell as an example to the others.
"I was going to do all that anyway," said God," but MTV's really been pissing me off lately, so I figured I'd start a little early." God said he is also planning on reincarnating Viacom's entire corporate board into African Dung Beetles.
"Do you know what dung beetles eat? Dung! Isn't that gross? And I invented them just so that I could reincarnate anyone who pisses me off into a stupid beetle that rolls balls of dung around and then eats it. So eat dung, y'all mo'fo's at MTV!"
God is being represented by legal counsel from the heavenly law office of Krishna, Abraham, and Christ.
If he loses in US civil court, the case could be appealed by either party to the Heavenly Tribunal, made up of Justices Buddha, Mohammed, and when he shows up, current Chief Justice Hunter S. Thompson. The court was formed in 1983 and hears all cases on appeal in which God is the defendant. The last case the Court heard was in 1998, when ABC successfully sued God for illegally copying Monday Night Football games and selling them over the Internet to Guatemala.
The Heavenly Tribunal overruled the judgment, but unfortunately the legal reasoning behind the decision was unknown because Chief Justice Thompson's opinion was largely unintelligible, amounting to an approximate half-page of scribbled gibberish and a hastily sketched rendition of what appeared to be the Devil performing unspeakable acts to a goat. The Devil was unavailable for comment, but God had one more thing to say. "Did y'all see that Napoleon Dynamite? Hot damn was that a good one. If a movie can make Idaho look fun, man, it's got my vote for the academy."
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