MTV Cribs

Doggiedog

Lifer
Aug 17, 2000
12,780
5
81
Funny email I was sent:


So you want to be on MTV CRIBS?

We've got a few pointers to make your CRIBS taping the best it can be!



1. You don't eat, sleep or have sex, you "Get your eat/sleep/f _ _k on."

2. Whenever possible, end sentences with "at". Ex: "Dis where I make my babies at."

3. It's not a "room". It's an "area". Ex: "Dis here the pool area." or "Here go the kitchen area."

4. Cars & Trucks = Rides. Never call your ride a car.

5. 20's aren't denominations of currency, they are the rims on your ride. They must be blinged out. (See #6)

6. Things are not shiny. They are blinged out.

7. Your ride needs at least one Playstation and DVD player integrated into a seat back, visor, dashboard or all of the above.

8. They are not friends. They are dawgz.

9. On the day of taping, you must have a minimum of 8 to 10 dawgz kickin' it in your pool, studio and theater areas.

10. One does not relax. One cheelz.

11. When you are kickin it, you are not playing soccer or angry at the dog, you are having a few friends over for drinks.

12. Consider trading a Lexy for a pit bull, Rottweiler or other menacing dog.

13. Tattoos are a must. When choosing a tattoo, they must evoke memories of someone you haven't seen in a great while like a dawg you lost or one of your children.

14. Remember, the only woman worthy of respect is your "Moms". All other women are hoochies and hos.

15. Build a sunken platinum basketball jersey humidor area.

16. During taping, try not to shoot any white chauffeurs. If you happen to shoot a white chauffeur, try to make your visitors accessories after the fact.

17. The proper "Crib Touring Stance" is to hold your right fist in your left hand and place both over your sternum. Hold your lips inside your mouth to evoke a placid demeanor.

18. You may own any or all existing video game systems other than a Nintendo, which is for beeyotches and kids. However, you may only own NFL or NBA themed video games. (No one has ever said "This is where I get my flight simulation on.")

19. If possible, breed or buy a chrome Rottweiler.

20. Fish tanks may only house piranhas or sharks (a.k.a. "The Rottweiler and Doberman of the Sea")

21. Remove all books, computers and cats from the residence prior to taping. (No one has ever said "This is where I get my read on." or "Dis where my cat gets it's poop on.")

22. Self portraits aren't only for corporate executives and historical figures! Remember, the bigger the portrait, the more respect it commands!

23. Two words: Black Lacquer

24. Keep the table in the formal dining area set at all times with gold, chrome and/or diamond flatware.

25. Make sure you have at least two large rooms/automobiles that "You ain't even go in/drove ever."

26. Bet on everything with your dawgz. Always win.

27. A pile of credit cards is not impressive. CASH ONLY!

28. When the MTV crew is leaving, be as rude as possible. Ex: "Now you've seen the crib, you best get to steppin."

29. Most importantly, do not get too attached to any of this. You will not have it in five years.
 

haha. Nice. I hate that show. All those "thugs" keeping it "real" with thier BMW's. Sad really.
 

UNCjigga

Lifer
Dec 12, 2000
24,802
9,005
136
16. During taping, try not to shoot any white chauffeurs. If you happen to shoot a white chauffeur, try to make your visitors accessories after the fact.
LOL at blatant Jayson Williams reference!
 

Killbat

Diamond Member
Jan 9, 2000
6,641
1
0
They should do a Cribs about some geeky jackass' room in his parents' basement. *ahem*


Yeyyah, dis be where I get mah nef on.

Dis here be mah firewire hizzity hard drive, bling bling.
 

UNCjigga

Lifer
Dec 12, 2000
24,802
9,005
136
You forgot that you must dedicate one of your rooms as a "shrine"; either to someone that inspired you, a movie star, a hot babe, one of your fallen dawgz, or Tupac AND Biggie.
 

Originally posted by: Killbat
They should do a Cribs about some geeky jackass' room in his parents' basement. *ahem*


Yeyyah, dis be where I get mah nef on.

Dis here be mah firewire hizzity hard drive, bling bling.

ROFL

Hope you dont mind, but thats my new sig. :)
 

EvilYoda

Lifer
Apr 1, 2001
21,200
9
81
I always wish that they would do a special on celebrity computer and HT setups. :) I see a good deal of them with a decent setup and the camera spends more time on the kitchen table than the entertainment center.
 

17. The proper "Crib Touring Stance" is to hold your right fist in your left hand and place both over your sternum. Hold your lips inside your mouth to evoke a placid demeanor.

That's great...I love it.
 

SWirth86

Golden Member
Aug 31, 2001
1,939
0
0
Nice:)
I was watching it tonight, they had Mark from Blink 182. His house was one of the nicest I've ever seen.....beautiful:D
 
Jan 9, 2002
5,232
0
0
Originally posted by: JACKHAMMER
Funny. MTV is pure filth, I hardly watch it - and if I ever have kids they will not.

Agreed- I've watched 'Cribs' once or twice (Destiny's Child, someone else) and it was amusing I suppose. Not something I'll mark my calendar for though. What's sad is that's the best show MTV has! The network blows and is a laughing stock among me and my friends. When I have kids, it won't be allowed either.
 

xirtam

Diamond Member
Aug 25, 2001
4,693
0
0
How is this different from reality? Me and my dawgz always take the rides to where the Anandtech forums are at. We even bettin' on the polls, yo.
 

UglyCasanova

Lifer
Mar 25, 2001
19,275
1,361
126
Dawg. When I get enough bread I'm gonna bling out my ride. Just be sure to watch out fo tha Popo. It's a war out there, and we be No Limit Soldiers.
 

Jhill

Diamond Member
Oct 28, 2001
5,187
3
0
30. You always got to have mamas leftovers and a bunch of Heinken and Corona in da fridge.
 

Ryan

Lifer
Oct 31, 2000
27,519
2
81
Originally posted by: OmegaNauce
haha. Nice. I hate that show. All those "thugs" keeping it "real" with thier BMW's. Sad really.

BMWs? Haha, get real. Bimmers are for white folks.