Mother in Law's Email

[Mike Gayner]

I searched but didn't find anything - hopefully this isn't a repost.

When I read the body of the article I wanted to hate the mother-in-law - two things I hate are meddlers and people who insist on manners and formalities for their own sake.

But having read this future-mother-in-law's email to her daughter I have to agree that the future-daughter-in-law sounds like a brat who was never taught basic social ettiquite. Assuming, of course, that the future-mother-in-laws email accurately reflects the girl's behaviour.

Your thoughts?

from: Carolyn Bourne
to: heidi withers
subject: your lack of manners

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something.

You do not remark that you do not have enough food.

You do not start before everyone else.

You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early - you fall in line with house norms.

You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.

You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why. No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.)

If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.

 

[blamb425]

The mother's etiquette seems about right to me, but she definitely seems a little snotty...

Apparently, the daughter-in-law is diabetic? I at least could understand her voicing dietary concerns, if nothing else.

 

[FuzzyDunlop]

Nothing wrong there. I agree with everything.

 

[CZroe]

I heard this on the radio earlier today. I largely agree, but not with everything. If additional helpings are available, I have NEVER thought them to be off-limits without being offered. Otherwise, the plates would be prepared in the kitchen and served in the dining room. Don't put the food out at the dinner table or counter and, instead, pack them in the fridge if they aren't meant to be available.

I used to hate sleeping over at a certain friend's house because they all slept in the living room and didn't get up until afternoon. It was torture because I couldn't do anything without disturbing them when they were all in the frickin' living room.

 

[Mike Gayner]

I heard this on the radio earlier today. I largely agree, but not with everything. If additional helpings are available, I have NEVER thought them to be off-limits without being offered. Otherwise, the plates would be prepared in the kitchen and served in the dining room. Don't put the food out at the dinner table or counter and pack them in the fridge if they aren't meant to be available.

Yup agree that's the only bizarre one to me.

And yeah the mother seems uptight, but the daughter seems like a brat. When you're a guest you err towards the behaviour of your host, not the other way around.

 

[Ancalagon44]

I heard this on the radio earlier today. I largely agree, but not with everything. If additional helpings are available, I have NEVER thought them to be off-limits without being offered. Otherwise, the plates would be prepared in the kitchen and served in the dining room. Don't put the food out at the dinner table or counter and, instead, pack them in the fridge if they aren't meant to be available.

For me it would depend on how well I know the family. If I know them and get on well with them, I wont think twice about helping myself to more. I would still probably wait until everyone is finished, and sometimes ask first just to be polite.

But yeah, the mother in law is right. Sadly, there isnt much she can do. By the sounds of things, her son is marrying someone pretty close to being a chav, which of course is going to cause a culture conflict. inevitably, although she is right, she is going to look snotty and bitchy.

 

[dabuddha]

Seriously fuck that MIL. I'd tell her to go DIAF if she wrote a retarded letter like that to me.

 

[Gibsons]

Seriously fuck that MIL.

She's a MILILF?

 

[pcgeek11]

It sounds like she has an extremely large tree branch shoved up her ass.

While I agree with most of what she said, her delivery just sucks. The girl should get the fuck out before it is too late.

I pity Heidi.

 

[dabuddha]

She's a MILILF?

Gross! As the late great George Carlin once said, I wouldn't fuck her with a stolen dick!

 

[NFS4]

With relation to in-laws:

You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

Guilty.

When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early - you fall in line with house norms.

Guilty. Although my wife does it too at her parent's house, so I have an out

You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.

Guilty. I crack on my FIL and MIL all the time -- in front of other family members. Then again, I've known them both for over a decade and they're cool with it. My MIL has to take pictures at EVERY family function -- she even takes pictures of us WHILE WE'RE EATING. And all the pictures have to be "staged" -- she doesn't understand the meaning of candid shots.

So yeah, you know damn well I'm gonna crack on her ass every time

 

[mvbighead]

It sounds like she has an extremely large tree branch shoved up her ass.

While I agree with most of what she said, her delivery just sucks. The girl should get the fuck out before it is too late.

I pity Heidi.

I'd have to agree with the MIL. By this time, she's probably had it with the DIL, hence writing such a letter. Some kids these days have such a sense of entitlement that it is truly unbearable. In this case, maybe entitlement isn't the problem, but it just sounds like from the verbiage used by the MIL, that the DIL is about as rude as one gets at the table.

 

[lxskllr]

It sounds like she has an extremely large tree branch shoved up her ass.

While I agree with most of what she said, her delivery just sucks. The girl should get the fuck out before it is too late.

I pity Heidi.

It's direct, and to the point. She's probably been putting up with Heidi's shit for awhile, and decided it was time to say something. It's not the MiL's job to raise someone else's kid, but she's now stuck with the result. At least the girl will display proper behavior at one location in the world. If she takes the advice to heart, she'll become a better person everywhere.

Sounds to me like they're monied, if not extremely wealthy. Following protocol will get you much farther in those circles, and the letter should be taken as constructive criticism.

 

[Krynj]

Fuck that snotty old lady. I tend to agree with most of what she says, but who takes time out of their day to send such a snide email like that? Like, who really cares that much? Hopefully the mother in law doesn't wonder why she doesn't visit on holidays.

 

[waggy]

while some of what the old ldady said may be true. how she went about it was toxic to her relationship with her future daughter in law and her son.

the MIL showed bad manners herself in not learning if the DIL has diabetes (wich she claims to have) and no talking to her like a adult in private.

to be fair t his comes off as a Mother thinking the daughter is not fit for her son and wanting her to leave.

 

[mugs]

Most of the food stuff is nonsense. Who cares about that stuff when you're eating with family? Your in-laws are supposed to be family. My parents treated my wife as family long before we were married, and her family treated me the same way.

The part about sleeping late is a silly thing to care about. No harm, no foul. Unless she was sleeping in a room that they needed to use.

Provided that she does want to overspend on a wedding that they can't really afford, I'll agree with the mother-in-law there.

 

[rasczak]

I feel bad for Freddie. He has to deal with those two women.

 

[CZroe]

Most of the food stuff is nonsense. Who cares about that stuff when you're eating with family? Your in-laws are supposed to be family. My parents treated my wife as family long before we were married, and her family treated me the same way.

The part about sleeping late is a silly thing to care about. No harm, no foul. Unless she was sleeping in a room that they needed to use.

Provided that she does want to overspend on a wedding that they can't really afford, I'll agree with the mother-in-law there.

They may have been waiting on her to serve breakfast or plan the day or something.

 

[nanette1985]

The MIL's letter and publicity is much worse manners than anything the daughter did. I'd tell that daughter to run away fast.

 

[FDF12389]

There is no way to even speculate on the situation by just the letter alone. Heidi could be a kickass down to earth fun loving girl, while the MIL is a uptight religious rich bitch. Heidi could also be a spoiled gold digger with poor manners trying to take advantage of a family about to take her in.

None of you can tell me either situation is inaccurate, because we don't know shit.

 

[kami333]

Sounds to me like they're monied, if not extremely wealthy. Following protocol will get you much farther in those circles, and the letter should be taken as constructive criticism.

And that protocol generally includes not airing the dirty laundry in public.

Personally, they both sound crazy from what's been written.

At the end of the day, like I frequently joke to my in-laws, DiL is going to have a say in which nursing home they end up in...

 

[FDF12389]

Missing portion of the letter:

It is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you.

Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you. It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so.

If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste. There are plenty of finishing schools around.

Please, for your own good, for Freddie’s sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible.

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

When you are a guest in another’s house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat – unless you are positively allergic to something. You do not remark that you do not have enough food. You do not start before everyone else. You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.
When a guest in another’s house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early – you fall in line with house norms.
You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.
You should have hand-written a card to me. You have never written to thank me when you have stayed.
You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why.
No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters’ marriages.)

If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...ride-Heidi-Witherss-father.html#ixzz1QrqGn3V9

A source close to the couple said: ‘It’s not going to be a Jordan wedding with all that kind of pumpkin carriages and tack.

They are middle-class people with middle-class respectabilities.

‘It’s not like they’re taking over the entire castle in some vulgar show of excess. There’s a great hall that’s available and that’s where they’re having it.

‘They wanted to have as much of a dream wedding as possible. They heard about Berkeley Castle and it was available to book, so why not? It’s such a lovely setting.’

The source added: ‘Freddie is an absolutely charming guy and Heidi is an absolute sweetie. I’ve never heard a bad word said about either of them. None of their friends can believe what’s been said about Heidi.

‘Rude and unpleasant are the last things you’d say about her. The view of people who know them is that the problem lies with the mother in law.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...ride-Heidi-Witherss-father.html#ixzz1Qrpx6OC6

 

[mugs]

Another article with (more?) complete version of the letter:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...e-email-Fury-bride-Heidi-Witherss-father.html

It is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you.

Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you. It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so.

If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste. There are plenty of finishing schools around.

Please, for your own good, for Freddie’s sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible.

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:
When you are a guest in another’s house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat – unless you are positively allergic to something. You do not remark that you do not have enough food. You do not start before everyone else. You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

When a guest in another’s house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early – you fall in line with house norms.

You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.

You should have hand-written a card to me. You have never written to thank me when you have stayed.

You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why.

No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters’ marriages.)

If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

A thank you card for staying with your in-laws? Seriously?

Also, this woman is not Freddie's mother, she is his step-mother. It does sound like they have some money, as they have five horses. Her comment about Heidi's family not having saved enough for the wedding was way out of line. She seems to recognize that it didn't need to be said as she put it in parentheses, but she went ahead and said it anyway.

 

[waggy]

wow reading the full letter the step mother fucked up. It a stupid thing to stick her nose into her step sons business.

Frankly as a father i would be pissed if my wife did that

 

[Scotteq]

...if the Mother In Law is that bad now, I'm not sure I can even imagine what a Bitch~On~Wheels she'll be after the wedding.


I'd tell my daughter to call off the engagement unless the future Hubby manages to curb his mommy.