Mother-In-Law Rant

[DevilsAdvocate]

My mother-in-law has been here for 2 days, and I just want to throttle her. She is this little, judgmental troll from East Texas who transforms my wife into someone I can't stand. So here I am, pounding away on my keyboard, while they watch the Home and Garden network for hours.

In the past few months, she has called me an ambulance chaser, and insinuated in other ways that I am simply not up to snuff.

Oh well... I consider the source.

I don't really have any other outlet for this pent-up rage, so I figured I would just rant here. Thank you for helping prevent a murder.

 

[Aves]

I feel your pain. Believe me.

 

[ThaGrandCow]

Phase 1: take out large life insurance policy on mother-in-law
Phase 2: 😉
Phase 3: PROFIT!!!

Phase 4: take wife in bedroom, DHI that certain place that I shall not mention?

 

[DevilsAdvocate]

Originally posted by: ThaGrandCow
Phase 1: take out large life insurance policy on mother-in-law Phase 2: 😉 Phase 3: PROFIT!!! Phase 4: take wife in bedroom, DHI that certain place that I shall not mention?

Can I really insure a pile of sh!t? Anyone have the number to Lloyds of London?

 

[Aves]

I like your way of thinking ThaGrandCow but #neochat still hates you.

 

[SociallyChallenged]

Originally posted by: DevilsAdvocate

Originally posted by: ThaGrandCow
Phase 1: take out large life insurance policy on mother-in-law Phase 2: 😉 Phase 3: PROFIT!!! Phase 4: take wife in bedroom, DHI that certain place that I shall not mention?

Can I really insure a pile of sh!t? Anyone have the number to Lloyds of London?

Negative 😉

 

[Mookow]

Originally posted by: DevilsAdvocate
My mother-in-law has been here for 2 days, and I just want to throttle her. She is this little, judgmental troll from East Texas who transforms my wife into someone I can't stand. So here I am, pounding away on my keyboard, while they watch the Home and Garden network for hours.

In the past few months, she has called me an ambulance chaser, and insinuated in other ways that I am simply not up to snuff.

Oh well... I consider the source.

I don't really have any other outlet for this pent-up rage, so I figured I would just rant here. Thank you for helping prevent a murder.

Thats not much of a rant. I mean, you might have all that feeling back there, but you arent getting it across the keyboard very well. See one of MichaelD's rants for examples.

Anyway, IIRC you have a 9mm, one of the more common rounds sold in the USA, its time to buy a new barrel, put 250+ rounds through it, use it, then swap back to your old barrel.

Anyway, you may try talking to your wife about how you feel. I dont know your relationship or the dynamics of the you-wife-her mother thing, but it's worth a shot. Unless you are going to implement the plan in my second paragraph, in which case it'd be wise to not make waves prior to action 😉

 

[Kanalua]

I hear you DevilsAdvocate,

My Mother-in-law just recently told my wife that if she ever wanted to get a divorce, she'd support her...mind you we are married only ten months...

They come up to visit nearly every other week...and finally, after hearing the divorce comment (the last straw of a laundry list of crap from her), I told my wife that they are no longer welcome in our home. Right now they are in town, and are staying at a motel...ahhh....so nice...

 

[DainBramaged]

Originally posted by: DevilsAdvocate
My mother-in-law has been here for 2 days, and I just want to throttle her. She is this little, judgmental troll from East Texas who transforms my wife into someone I can't stand. So here I am, pounding away on my keyboard, while they watch the Home and Garden network for hours.

In the past few months, she has called me an ambulance chaser, and insinuated in other ways that I am simply not up to snuff.

Oh well... I consider the source.

I don't really have any other outlet for this pent-up rage, so I figured I would just rant here. Thank you for helping prevent a murder.

If she is causing you stress, there is a place called DDDDC Inc. They do excellent work.

BTW, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

 

[DainBramaged]

dp

 

[Kanalua]

what's up with all the double posts lately (the past few weeks)...

 

[DainBramaged]

Originally posted by: Kanalua
what's up with all the double posts lately (the past few weeks)...

I don't know, I only clicked once but it dp'ed on me anyway. It's kinda weird. Oh well.

 

[Mookow]

Originally posted by: Kanalua
what's up with all the double posts lately (the past few weeks)...

its been really easy to DP since the last "upgrade" to the forums (gimme back the old smileys, d@mnit!)

 

[ThaGrandCow]

Originally posted by: Mookow

Originally posted by: Kanalua
what's up with all the double posts lately (the past few weeks)...

its been really easy to DP since the last "upgrade" to the forums (gimme back the old smileys, d@mnit!)

Yeah... I definitely got a vacation for getting drunk and doing the 50x post. You'd think it'd be easy to code in something like in the old forums that stops that

 

[acemcmac]

best of luck to you... I can't imagine what it would be like to be married, let alone put up with parents even more alien than mine...

 

[T2T III]

Originally posted by: DainBramaged

Originally posted by: DevilsAdvocate
My mother-in-law has been here for 2 days, and I just want to throttle her. She is this little, judgmental troll from East Texas who transforms my wife into someone I can't stand. So here I am, pounding away on my keyboard, while they watch the Home and Garden network for hours.

In the past few months, she has called me an ambulance chaser, and insinuated in other ways that I am simply not up to snuff.

Oh well... I consider the source.

I don't really have any other outlet for this pent-up rage, so I figured I would just rant here. Thank you for helping prevent a murder.

If she is causing you stress, there is a place called DDDDC Inc. They do excellent work.

BTW, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

Actually, in the back of Soldier of Fortune magazine, mercenary killers are for hire. 😀 😀

 

[KK]

Here some jokes to lighten you up.

The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. A local volunteer calls to solicite his donation, saying "our research shows that even though your annual income is over a million dollars, you do not give one penny to charity! Wouldn't you like to give back to your community through The United Way?"

The lawyer thinks for a moment and says: "First, did your research show that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and has huge medical bills far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh, no."

"Secondly, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?"

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology but is cut off.

"Thirdly, that my sister's husband died in a dreadful traffic accident", the lawyers voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children?"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says simply, "I had no idea."

The lawyer then says"...and if I don't give any money to THEM, why should I give any to you?"

A lawyer finds out he has an inoperable brain tumor. It's so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains. There's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is a ripoff! How come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?" The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"

"You're a high-priced lawyer! If I give you $500, will you answer two questions for me?"

"Absolutely! What's the second question?"

A surgeon, an architect an a lawyer are having a heated barroom discussion concerning which of their professions is actually the oldest profession.

The surgeon says: "Surgery IS the oldest profession. God took a rib from Adam to create Eve and you can't go back further than that."

The architect says: "Hold on! In fact, God was the first architect when he created the world out of chaos in 7 days, and you can't go back any further than THAT!"

The lawyer puffs his cigar and says: "Gentlemen, Gentlemen...who do you think created the CHAOS??!!"

The things that lawyers know about,
Are property and land.
But why the leaves are on the trees;
And why the waves disturb the trees;
Why honey is the food of bees;
Why horses have such tender knees;
Why winters come when rivers freeze;
Why faith is more than what one sees;
And hope survives the worst disease;
And charity is more than these,
They do not understand.
H. Pepler, The Devil's Dream

An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take all his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me." At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed that he had only put $20,000 into the envelope because he needed $10,000 for a new baptistery. "Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000." The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."

"It was so cold last week that I saw several lawyers with their hands in their own pockets."

As the lawyer woke up after surgery, he said" "Why are all the blinds drawn?"

The doctor answered: "There's a big fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."

Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"

"I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."

Q: How was copper wire invented?

A: Two lawyers were arguing over a penny.

A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.
"Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asked the doctor.

"Sure; after the police leave," replied the lawyer.

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't hear the question.

"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead.
"Damn," he says. "I forgot to lock the office safe before we left."

His partner replies " What are you worried about? We're both here."

What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.

Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

What do you call a lawyer who doesn't chase ambulances?
Retired.

What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.

Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

You probably heard all of those already, but maybe you didn't. 😛

KK

 

[Siddhartha]

For everybody's sake, I hope she does not have to move in with you guys. That would be hell on earth.

 

[AAman]

guess I was lucky- loved my mother-in-law, hated the wife 🙂