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Moral dilema

G

Gravity

Diamond Member
I called a former employee that had been gone for several years to do some training for my new company. She says she'll come. I ask if she'll train with her former boss who is also a very, very good friend. She says no, she won't.

I ask her about their relationship and tell her I sensed there was tension when she left. She shares with me how the guy tried to bed her and harrased the crap out of her to do so over a short period of time. I'm totally shocked.

I actually investigated the issue when it came up but she denied everything. She told me that he plead with her to lie so he wouldn't lose his job. She told me she agreed with him under the condition that he would stop the sx harassment. He agreed and did for a long time but then picked it back up years later.

He even called her when she moved 2,000 miles away with her new husband and left messages on her machine and wrote her letters.

Here's my dilema: Do I confront the guy with her story and ask him to come clean?
Do I ban him as a friend if he doesn't or denies it?
Do I not use him in the training I had planned despite his industry wide expertise?

Your input please,

Gravity
 
I wouldn't confront him since it's really none of your business, and it's not your place to do so... but I would stop being his friend....
 
Originally posted by: BCYL
I wouldn't confront him since it's really none of your business, and it's not your place to do so... but I would stop being his friend....
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I don't think I agree but I appreciate your opinion. I think that strong friendships can endure difficult times. He was really there for me on a number of occaisions, I mean the very desperate times of life type of events.

I do think that it might be necessary......tough to decide.......
 
I would consider that a very mild form of harrassment...If she had to file a restraining order that would have been different.

Ausm
 
Originally posted by: PunDogg
i'm confused are you his boss too?? or in some way higher up??

Dogg
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I used to be his boss. I left that company about a year ago. She left 2 years ago. Now I'm just his friend but I wanted them to both come and do training.

It's just wierd that they are both avialable. I talk to him regularly but haven't talked to the girl since she left.
 
Business is business. Ask what terms she wants and go with it. I wouldn't worry about the boss fella, only if you see him starting in on her again.
 
Originally posted by: Ausm
I would consider that a very mild form of harrassment...If she had to file a restraining order that would have been different.

Ausm
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She was in the process of filing a restraining order on him when he was calling her in her new location.
 
If you knowingly ignore it and even set him up to work with other women without doing something you yourself AND the company will surely be up sh!t creek before long.
 
Originally posted by: SchrodingersDog
If you knowingly ignore it and even set him up to work with other women without doing something you yourself AND the company will surely be up sh!t creek before long.
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I agree. I would never do that. I understand sx harassment guidelines perfectly. I was very disturbed about her disclosure and felt powerless when she claimed that it was her choice to lie about it and simply to suffer while she began her career.

 
Originally posted by: Gravity
Originally posted by: SchrodingersDog
If you knowingly ignore it and even set him up to work with other women without doing something you yourself AND the company will surely be up sh!t creek before long.
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I agree. I would never do that. I understand sx harassment guidelines perfectly. I was very disturbed about her disclosure and felt powerless when she claimed that it was her choice to lie about it and simply to suffer while she began her career.
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What is your company's policy? If they mandate that you report it then you should report it. You should be concerned about whether or not you become complicit by remaining silent.
 
Why do you feel the need to get involved at all? This was between the two of them. If they choose not to persue the matter... why should you?
 
Originally posted by: HomeBrewerDude
Originally posted by: Gravity
Originally posted by: SchrodingersDog
If you knowingly ignore it and even set him up to work with other women without doing something you yourself AND the company will surely be up sh!t creek before long.
Click to expand...

I agree. I would never do that. I understand sx harassment guidelines perfectly. I was very disturbed about her disclosure and felt powerless when she claimed that it was her choice to lie about it and simply to suffer while she began her career.
Click to expand...


What is your company's policy? If they mandate that you report it then you should report it. You should be concerned about whether or not you become complicit by remaining silent.
Click to expand...


None of us work for that company anymore.
 
Originally posted by: KarenMarie
Why do you feel the need to get involved at all? This was between the two of them. If they choose not to persue the matter... why should you?
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Well, first I wanted him to come and provide training. Then, I learned that she was back in the area and contacted her thinking I might have them both. Not both at the same time necessarily but she is actually more available then he is.
 
pick one or the other to help you train (or have each one out on different dates). if you try to get them to work together, you're a moron.
 
I most likely wouldn't hire your friend. There's very little upside and lots of downside. I would ask his side of the story though first and then make my judgement about it. If he admits to everything, I most definately wouldn't hire him; he has a problem and it's apparent that it isn't a one time thing if he's chased this girl when she went off to another life and she's thousands of miles away.

If he denies it, I'd have to determine who is telling the truth and then make my judgement.
 
2 sides to every story. i wouldnt make a judgement call until i heard both. if it was so bad, why didnt she file a complaint?
 
Originally posted by: Stark
pick one or the other to help you train (or have each one out on different dates). if you try to get them to work together, you're a moron.
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Thanks...the moron part wasn't really necessary, was it?
 
Originally posted by: shimsham
2 sides to every story. i wouldnt make a judgement call until i heard both. if it was so bad, why didnt she file a complaint?
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She didn't want to be stygmatized as the girl who got so-and-so fired. She wanted to have her career begin without that type of association.

 
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