Mom & Dad conflict over a daughter's proposed marriage

[Theb]

Originally posted by: bennylong
IS your daughter going to have sex with this guy? If they don't ever plan to have sex, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

sexless marriage FTL!

 

[halik]

AIDS.... fvck no, that's like palying a russian roulette on daily basis.

If they break up, he gets to keep her underwear and she gets to keep his aids...yay!

 

[JLGatsby]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
The face of HIV is far different now than it was 10 years ago. Is the man taking anti-virals ? does he get good medical care, what's his viral load count, his T-4 count ? how did he become infected if via IVDA is he now in recovery and for how long ?

Not really. "Average people" are typically not getting AIDs these days.

People who sleep around with people who sleep around, and people who do drugs are still the only ones getting AIDs.

 

[Lola]

maybe i am just not seeing and not that it really matters, i am just curious but how old is the guy? how long has he been infected?
How long have they been together?

 

[b0mbrman]

I personally would advise her not to, but wouldn't go as far as doing any of the things you're suggesting.

You might just push them closer together...

Now to her, what's the point? I suppose it's possible to live in a marriage that becomes sexless later on, but I wouldn't want to go in knowing I could never have kids...

 

[Kenazo]

Yikes...

I would definitely be in the "Discourage it" camp, but you're definitely not going to be forcing her to not marry him.

 

[necine]

you can have sex without contracting hiv (condoms). i heard of a couple that was married 10 years. the dude had hiv and the woman was neg the whole time. also, you cant get hiv from a razor, alright. Needles or sex w/out condoms... blood to blood contact. that's it.

if it were my daughter i would not allow this to occur. but if she's planning on marrying this guy, then 9/10 she's had sex with him. she could have kids using invitro fertilization (i think).

i wouldnt let this happen anyway. any female can find and abundance of men w/out hiv.

 

[DukeN]

Something tells me OP isn't providing us with key details.

Either way this is too complicated to judge one opinion "right" or wrong as OP would like. Comes down to daughter's maturity and other factors (wanting kids, etc) as well.

 

[Howard]

Will they adopt and forego natural conception?

 

[intogamer]

your asian right? be like your going to dis honor the family

 

[Shadowknight]

1. High health costs
2. Emotional strain of dealing with him suffering from an incurable disease
3. Unable to have sex with in order to not catch the degrees
4. No biological children, due to #3
5. Daily possibility, no matter how slight, of him cutting himself and somehow getting the blood in her.

How long has she known/being going out with this guy and been aware of the AIDS thing?

 

[pontifex]

no way. there's just too much that could go wrong and having to worry about contracting it yourself would make for a sh!tty life

 

[zephyrprime]

This seems like one of those really dumb decisions that some young people can make sometimes. Why do I see a divorce in their future?

 

[b0mbrman]

Originally posted by: JLGatsby

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
The face of HIV is far different now than it was 10 years ago. Is the man taking anti-virals ? does he get good medical care, what's his viral load count, his T-4 count ? how did he become infected if via IVDA is he now in recovery and for how long ?

Not really. "Average people" are typically not getting AIDs these days.

People who sleep around with people who sleep around, and people who do drugs are still the only ones getting AIDs.

Link?

 

[cjmtfd102401]

Originally posted by: huy72983
Hi all,

My wife and I are having a conflict over what to do for our daughter. She met a guy who has Aids and wants to marry him.

My wife says that love is blind and she truly loves the guy. My wife will give her advice but she will support her ithroughout the whole marriage even though she is heading down the wrong road because she believes that her daughter is a grown woman already and can make her own decisions. My wife thinks my decision is just cold hearted for making her choose between family and husband.

Me: I say my daughter is crazy. Love is only blind to a certain point. She is making a bad decision and as a parent I have to prevent her from making mistakes. I won't support her in the marriage and will vehemently advise her to break off the relationship. I will do whatever I can to help her forget this guy. I will go to meet this guy and tell him to stop seeing my daughter. I will make my daughter choose between her family and this guy. If everything fails, then I will reluctantly support her in the end but I know my relationship with my daughter will be scarred.

So what do you guys think. Who's opinion is right? Mine's or my wife?

thanks for opinions

Poll ADDED

Don't make your daughter choose between her family and him. That is the worse thing you could do to her. My mother did that to me and I chose him. I haven't spoken to my mother in months, and when I do it is only for a few minutes. My family won't speak to me or him. It is an awful feeling when you have to choose the one you love and family. I know I made the right choice. You don't want to make her choose and then have her be angry or upset with you for making choice. You say if it fails you you reluctanly support her. Have you thought about how she will feel towards you after that? She may never want to speak to you again.

 

[bennylong]

Originally posted by: cjmtfd102401

Originally posted by: huy72983
Hi all,

My wife and I are having a conflict over what to do for our daughter. She met a guy who has Aids and wants to marry him.

My wife says that love is blind and she truly loves the guy. My wife will give her advice but she will support her ithroughout the whole marriage even though she is heading down the wrong road because she believes that her daughter is a grown woman already and can make her own decisions. My wife thinks my decision is just cold hearted for making her choose between family and husband.

Me: I say my daughter is crazy. Love is only blind to a certain point. She is making a bad decision and as a parent I have to prevent her from making mistakes. I won't support her in the marriage and will vehemently advise her to break off the relationship. I will do whatever I can to help her forget this guy. I will go to meet this guy and tell him to stop seeing my daughter. I will make my daughter choose between her family and this guy. If everything fails, then I will reluctantly support her in the end but I know my relationship with my daughter will be scarred.

So what do you guys think. Who's opinion is right? Mine's or my wife?

thanks for opinions

Poll ADDED

Don't make your daughter choose between her family and him. That is the worse thing you could do to her. My mother did that to me and I chose him. I haven't spoken to my mother in months, and when I do it is only for a few minutes. My family won't speak to me or him. It is an awful feeling when you have to choose the one you love and family. I know I made the right choice. You don't want to make her choose and then have her be angry or upset with you for making choice. You say if it fails you you reluctanly support her. Have you thought about how she will feel towards you after that? She may never want to speak to you again.

Family will always be there. Your man will divorce you

 

[cjmtfd102401]

No my family will not always be there.

 

[bennylong]

Originally posted by: cjmtfd102401
No my family will not always be there.

Then your family is messed up! What the hell happened to unconditional love?

 

[cjmtfd102401]

I don't know. My family has disowned me. I am just thankful I have a great guy like Tyler, we are getting ready to celebrate our 5th anniversary (of dating) we aren't married yet.

 

[huy72983]

Originally posted by: DukeN
Something tells me OP isn't providing us with key details.

Either way this is too complicated to judge one opinion "right" or wrong as OP would like. Comes down to daughter's maturity and other factors (wanting kids, etc) as well.

what key details do u need?? added some info to the first page in response to age questions.

 

[randomlinh]

wow, i'm actually surprised at the poll. I voted for the wife's opinion, however, I would express my opinion... which are the stresses that *I* would think come of it (as stated above by someone already). I would not do anything beyond that, she is an adult now, and can weight for herself.

 

[Qianglong]

Originally posted by: Sqube
Nobody is right in this situation. The very fact that you're arguing from that point of view probably has a lot to do with why you can't see past the reality that your daughter is in love.

When your daughter was 8, sure, you were there to try to help her stop making mistakes. She's 18 now. You can't stop her anymore. Let me repeat that. You are incapable of stopping her. No one says that you have to agree with her. As a matter of fact, as your daughter gets older, there will be more and more things that you will disagree with.

At this point, however, the most you can do -- the most you should do, if you actually love your daughter -- is to tell her how you feel and support her decision.

The fact that you're trying to make your daughter choose between the man she loves and her family, in my opinion, is reprehensible. You should be ashamed of yourself for trying to make your daughter choose.

Your daughter is in love, and you are trying to alienate her because you don't approve (and I don't really care how valid you think the reasons for not liking this guy are). Think about that for a second. You will alienate your daughter because you don't approve of the decisions that she's making as a legal adult.

Your reply is the most retarded i've read. I guess you are fine watching your own daughter slowly killing herself?

 

[RbSX]

Originally posted by: huy72983
Hi all,

My wife and I are having a conflict over what to do for our daughter. She met a guy who has Aids and wants to marry him.

My wife says that love is blind and she truly loves the guy. My wife will give her advice but she will support her throughout the whole marriage even though she is heading down the wrong road because she believes that her daughter is a grown woman already and can make her own decisions. My wife thinks my decision is just cold hearted for making her choose between family and husband.

Me: I say my daughter is crazy. Love is only blind to a certain point. She is making a bad decision and as a parent I have to prevent her from making mistakes. I won't support her in the marriage and will vehemently advise her to break off the relationship. I will do whatever I can to help her forget this guy. I will go to meet this guy and tell him to stop seeing my daughter. I will make my daughter choose between her family and this guy. If everything fails, then I will reluctantly support her in the end but I know my relationship with my daughter will be scarred.

So what do you guys think. Who's opinion is right? Mine's or my wife?

thanks for opinions

Poll ADDED

Edit adding ages and more info: She is 23, he is 30. She said she knew of his disease from the beginning. He's been infected for approximately 10-11 years. Dunno how long they been together.

I'm gonna have to say that you're a pretty close minded bigot.

Yes, he has aids. Is it terminal in all cases? No.

Can they have sex without a condom while he has aids? No.

Everyone goes into relationships knowing that the situation isn't ideal.

My mom has Lupus, she wasn't supposed to have kids. My dad married her knowing he might never have kids (obviously they overcame this obstance, at a serious health risk to my mother).

Same thing for my mom, my dad has heart disease, it's heriditary, she knew my dad had a likely chance of passing away before he was 50, did that stop her, no!

I think your reasons for objectin is stupid.

I think that maybe you might want to find out HOW he contracted aids, whether it be through improper sexual conduct, from his mother, maybe the conditions of how he contracted it is more important than the fact that he has it.

I have HSV, and god I'd hate to have a father in law like you that would automatically assume that it is something bad for his daughter to be in contact with. 70% of the population has what I have.

A significant portion of the population has aids. Would you prohibit your daughter marrying someone with heart disease? lupus? ms? or is it the stigma of the fact that it's aids that bothers you.

 

[Colt45]

Heart disease isn't sexually transferred.

 

[RbSX]

Originally posted by: Colt45
Heart disease isn't sexually transferred.

But my HSV is, and in certain cases it CAN be fatal.

Transmission of HIV can be prevented, though I'll concede the fact that it's MUCH safer to not have sexual contact with someone that has aids.

But I think it's alittle bit quick to run to judgement about someone with AIDS before seeing what preventative measures he has taken to ensure the safety of this man's daughter.

I think we don't know all the facts here, and neither does this guy.