Mocking the NFL draft....... literally <wink>

[Spooner]

this is pretty funny

NFL Mock Draft


5. San Diego Chargers.
Britney Spears, perpetual teen queen, Jive Records. She's tougher than a lot of current Bolts offensive linemen, plus in sun-drenched San Diego she could bare her tummy all the time.

31. St. Louis Rams.
Zebtron 5/pi'Q, morph back, University of Cassiopeia at 47 Ursae Majoris. Leadership of Kurt Warner's homeworld is not happy about Super Bowl letdown; space-alien reinforcements clearly needed. Zebtron, an n-dimensional energy being who can run the 40 in minus-4.3 seconds by generating a muon inversion field, should fit right in with the Rams receiver corps.

 

[Spooner]

nobody thinks this is funny?

 

[Cerebus451]

I thought it was pretty hilarious. I almost couldn't continue after #1:


<< 1. Houston Texans.
Heath Shuler, QB, Tennessee. The same CFL-style sidearm delivery, playing in the same kind of offense designed to run up stats on lesser opponents, the same optical illusion of seeming really tall but turning out not to be: When TMQ looks at David Carr, he sees Heath Shuler with a much better publicist. Consider this harmonic-convergence stat: Shuler, total passing 4,088 yards; Carr, 4,299 total passing yards. OK, so I'm comparing Shuler's entire college career to Carr's senior year, but these kinds of things just can't be coincidence. Shuler threw 25 TDs as a junior, Carr threw 23 TDs as a junior. Both finished their college daze by honking a bowl game, falling way behind, then piling up stats in the second half after the contest was out of reach. By the Hammer of Grabthar, Houston, you have been warned! >>


I was ROFLMAO at that one.

Of course, being from Pittsburgh, this one was priceless as well:


<< 25. Pittsburgh Steelers.
(Projected trade: Steelers send first- and third-round picks in 2002 plus future selections to be negotiated by Colin Powell to Buffalo for the Saints' 1B pick in 2002, Cincinnati's sixth-round in 2005, Oakland's sixth-round in 2028 and the entire New Orleans 2009 draft. Also, the Steelers agree not to break any chain letters.) Mephistopheles, D, University of Gehenna. Last season Kordell Stewart made a deal with the devil to become a mature, effective quarterback; he just messed up the expiration date, and the deal ran out at kickoff of the AFC Championship. Get Mephistopheles on the roster, give him a bonus prorated to eternity for salary-cap purposes and keep this from happening again. >>

 

[ATLien247]

People get paid to write like this?

 

[Cerebus451]

<< People get paid to write like this? >>


Yes, it's called humor. People get paid very well to write like that. Not everyone gets all forms of humor, however.

 

[jaydee]

Haha, this is just great


<< 6. Dallas Cowboys.
Kenneth Lay, disgraced former CEO, Enron. The 'Boys tab this Texan of great personal integrity to fix the books and solve the team's running salary-cap problems. Lay immediately announces Dallas is $89 billion under the cap.

12. Arizona (CAUTION: MAY CONTAIN FOOTBALL-LIKE SUBSTANCE) Cardinals.
It makes absolutely no difference whom the Cardinals draft, and it never will.

21. New Orleans Saints.
(Projected trade: Mike Ditka temporarily resumes control of the Saints' front office and sends all the team's remaining picks in 2002, plus all New Orleans selections in the 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009 and 2010 drafts, to the Bills for Oakland's 1A pick in 2002. Buffalo agrees to pay shipping and handling costs for all these picks.) Ricky Williams, RB, Miami Dolphins. >>