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Men Bashing Jokes
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DeafeningSilence
Golden Member
... whose orientation would be heavily questioned if he didn't claim to have a girlfriend or fiancee or whatever. 🙂
TommyVercetti
Diamond Member
That one hit close to home for ya?
TommyVercetti
Diamond Member
Share the story with us.
JeffreyLebowski
Lifer
ok, at least post one that's funny AND true
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last
oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $ 1.00
Total cost: $21.00.
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter,
kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back
to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) Open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
12) Cuss for 2 minutes. Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change
tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car and dump in
same hole in back yard.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket
surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the drain plug is buried in hole in the back yard, along
with used oil.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 5 minutes.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over and arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.
Parts-$50.00,
DUI-$250.00,
Impound fee-$75.00,
Bail-$1500.00,
Beer-$25.00,
Total Cost -- $4150.00 - But you know the job was done right!
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last
oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $ 1.00
Total cost: $21.00.
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter,
kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back
to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) Open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
12) Cuss for 2 minutes. Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change
tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car and dump in
same hole in back yard.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket
surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the drain plug is buried in hole in the back yard, along
with used oil.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 5 minutes.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over and arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.
Parts-$50.00,
DUI-$250.00,
Impound fee-$75.00,
Bail-$1500.00,
Beer-$25.00,
Total Cost -- $4150.00 - But you know the job was done right!
Blah, Blah, Blah...women can cry all they want too, men don't make every simple situation complicated. I think females talk too much, therefore when they aren't talking they think too much
Official member of HeManWomanHaters.
Ok it's not that bad, just women in the past. 🙂
Official member of HeManWomanHaters.
Ok it's not that bad, just women in the past. 🙂
Mean MrMustard
Diamond Member
He starts a man-bashing joke thread and then signs his posts as "Happy Hopper."
I think you've turned gay.
I think you've turned gay.
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