Matt Witheiler

Toggle sidebar Toggle sidebar
B

BossakTown

Banned
Aug 12, 2002
16
0
0
I have an inquiry, and I would hope someone could be of some assistance.
I will be having a bar mitzvah soon, and I would like to hire Mr. Matt Witheiler for an appearance at the bar mitzvah.
Mr. Witheiler's duties would be limited to signing autographs, making balloon animals and reviewing computer graphics cards. Unfortunatly, we are on a tight budget, so Mr. Witheilers compensation can only be all the appetizers he can eat, as well as being able to take home any challah left over after the reception.
I know you are asking, why do I want Matt Witheiler for your bar mitzvah? Its his rugged good looks, isn't it. Yes. Its his rugged good looks. Plus his ability to cook tasty, well-presented chicken dinners. All the while maintaining his rugged good looks.
To sum up: If anyone has booking information for Mr. Witheiler, please let me know. You may email me at mab21@duke.edu. Free challah samples are available on request.
Mr. Witheiler has rugged good looks, all stuffed into his 105 pound frame.

Thank you for your help in advance,
Mike Bossak
 
D

Danman

Lifer
Nov 9, 1999
13,134
0
0
Riiiiiiiiiight.............
rolleye.gif
 
J

jaydee

Diamond Member
May 6, 2000
4,500
4
81
This guy goes to Duke, Matt goes to Duke. It's an inside joke (hint: we're not on the inside).
 
NFS4

NFS4

No Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
72,636
47
91
Now that I understand the reason behind this post, it's funny as hell :)

And Matt DOES have rugged good looks...if you consider a chimpanzee ruggedly handsome :D
 
A

AndyHui

Administrator Emeritus<br>Elite Member<br>AT FAQ M
Oct 9, 1999
13,141
17
81
Bahaha....

Matt, you might wanna change that photo on the Staff Page....:p
 
B

BossakTown

Banned
Aug 12, 2002
16
0
0
There seem to be a number of questions with regards to my inquiry, and I hope I can clear up some confusion that I have regretably created.
Yes, I have on occassion happened upon Mr. Witheiler in our pursuit of higher education at a common academic institution. My happenings upon said Witheiler have only inspired me to seek out Mr. Witheiler's aid in creating the greatest bar mitzvah spectacle possible. Only through rumour and citings have I been able to determine that Matthew Witheiler would be the ideal addition to my bar mitzvah spectacular.
Second, I am pictured as a woman as part of a lucrative endorsement deal with Tampax. I could go into greater detail, but I don't want to give away too much before my commercial series begins. The first commercials should be hitting your airwaves in early October.
Third, there have been no inquiries for free challah samples. This is a disappointment.

So in Summary:
1) Mr. Witheiler is still rugged, and is still highly capable at the production of balloon animals, particular all manner of doggy.
2) Challah is tasty, and free samples may be available.
3) I am working to help sell feminine hygeine products.
4) Said products puts food on me table.

Love,
Mike Bossak
 
B

BossakTown

Banned
Aug 12, 2002
16
0
0
It has come to my attention that Mr. Witheiler has been making angry threats, demanding that I stop posting about him and his availability for bar mitzvahs. He is upset that if I further inquire about the possibility of his appearance at my bar mitzvah spectacular, his love of creating all manner of balloon doggy will become public, opening Mr. Witheiler up to all manner of scorn and mockery. I apologize, but I must still use these forums to inquire about the openness of Mr. Witheiler to a booking at my Jewish coming of age ceremony spectacular.

What upsets me the most is the hypocrisy. Mr. Witheiler wants me to stop posting about him, however, he continues to mock and deride me in his computer hardware reviews. Oh, its ok for him to ridicule me when reviewing a video graphics card, but once I make flattering and complimentary gestures towards him, and his rugged good looks, which might happen to make public his love of making balloon animals, then and only then should this website be censored.
Its sad that Matt Witheiler would have no problem whatsoever spending his whole Saturday afternoon at the North Carolina Museum of History dressed up as Sir Walter Raleigh, making balloon animals to bring whimsy and merriment to the childrens of North Carolina....yet he will not appear at a bar mitzvah to do the same (minus the dressing up as Sir Walter Raleigh, unless that will facilitate a booking; I am open to negotiation on this point).

To sum up:
1) Mr. Witheiler would like to have me censored.
2) Mr. Witheiler will continue to make fun of me in his hardware reviews.
3) Mr. Witheiler will probably educate his children in all manner of deception and chicanery.
4) Free Challah samples still available on request.
5) Matt Witheiler dressed up as Sir Walter Raleigh to bring whimsy to the childrens.

Love,
Mike Bossak
 
B

Beau

Lifer
Jun 25, 2001
17,730
0
76
www.beauscott.com
Buwahahahahaha!!! I want a balloon doggy! I'll give you a nickel for one :D

To sum it up:

1 - I want a balloon doggy.
2 - I am will to pay $0.05 for a balloon doggy.

Love,

Beau
 
A

absolutiza

Senior member
Jul 29, 2001
459
0
0
Originally posted by: NFS4
Now that I understand the reason behind this post, it's funny as hell :)

And Matt DOES have rugged good looks...if you consider a chimpanzee ruggedly handsome :D
Click to expand...

ditto... a skinny jewsih chimpanzee!
 
A

absolutiza

Senior member
Jul 29, 2001
459
0
0
Originally posted by: Beau6183
What's this Challah you speak of? It sounds like a crunchy sweet cookie bread with sesame seeds.... is it any good?
Click to expand...

it sounds jewish to me
 
XMan

XMan

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
12,513
49
91
Brandon looks nothing like I imagined. ;) I guess I wasn't picturing glasses.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

TRENDING THREADS

COMPANY
RESOURCES
FOLLOW
Top Bottom