Mass Effect 2 by [MYTH]Beanb

mythlogic

Junior Member
Oct 9, 2007
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BIG ASSED GAME = LONG REVIEW! (SPOILER ALERT)
Test Machine Specs: CoreI7 920, GTX275, Win 7 x64, 6gb DDR3 1333, ASUS P6T v2.

So the goal here is to write a review of one of the most eagerly awaited sequels for the pc over the last few years, Mass Effect 2. Why did the review take so long? Well I do have a life, like to play other games occasionally, and it is a long-assed game even if you don’t explore every frickin’ planet in the game. But be warned o’ ye whiners, there WILL be PLOT SPOILERS. Suck it up, ‘because it’s impossible to write a true review of an RPG like this without giving something away of the plot. And considering how long it’s been out, I ain’t holding back jack-diggity.

So here it goes, first off let me start off with the phrase “Oh copyright infringement how I love thee, let me count the ways”. Mass Effect 1 (ME1) was a fairly original Sci-Fi story that was well told, well acted and unlike most current Hollywood fare, well-paced. So when it was a runaway hit for Bioware, and they did decide to make a trilogy for sure, they took the tried and true method of storytelling, make the middle volume just exciting and original enough to bring them back for the third installment without blowing your wad early.

So what we have here is the Empire Strikes Back of the Mass Effect universe, and like that sequel it is a lot of fun, and a good way to spend huge amounts of time. Why ESB? Like that great number two movie it has the same characters from the first installment, more special effects and gadgets, the story is good but not great, some good revelations (not as good as “I am your father!”, but whatcha gonna do), and an ending putting you in line for the last installment. To achieve this and speed up dev time Bioware clipped back on their creativity and decided to import enough plot points and clichés from other franchises to choke a donkey. Some people can call it an homage if they want, I call it fucking lazy, but hey that’s just me. To illustrate this I will drop in the appropriate reference where appropriate for the most obvious ones, ‘cause if I were Gene Rodenberry’s estate, the Wachowski’s, George Lucas or the creators of the X-Files, I’d be asking for a piece of Bioware’s action at this point.

So where are we with a sequel? Mass Effect 2 (ME2) picks up right where Mass Effect 1 leaves off, ‘cept you get to watch the main character Sheppard die a nice vacuum death after saving Joker, Chris from Family Guy, or Mr. Robot Chicken (take your choice, not a lot of voice range from Seth here in ME2). My first thought was that this was unusual, “I wonder how you come back from killing your main character to start a story”. My next thought was “oh wait, the writers watched The Fifth Element recently, and /or read something by Walter Jon Williams, ok”. From here you wake up in a lab/med-section of a base (fully-dressed) after having been brought back to life THROUGH SCIENCE and have to move your way through the obligatory my base is under attack and I got to navigate solo with someone guiding me over an intercom mission. Once you get past this and meet your first squad member, you’ve got a good idea of how the sequel is going to be structured.

What’s new here? New squad mates right off the bat. Where is your old crew? Well, you’re told you’ve been out for two years, and unfortunately they have lives, ouch. The interface for the pc is also more improved you find, as the bastardized console controls now give way to dedicated pc controls and interface (nice). These are not perfect, but are a hefty improvement over ME1. The graphics have also been improved, as what looked really good before now looks phenomenal, and most of the shadow issues are now gone, although there are still graphics problems with cut scenes and your ability at some points in missions to just levitate your way into the ceiling by finding some whacked out invisible ramp. How do you get down? Well, just make sure to save often. There also seems to be a problem with images stretching or mirroring in some environments but I have not dug deep enough to tell if this is a bug or a problem with drivers or config. If like me you have this happen at an auto-save point it will effectively kill the save as the game locks on load of the save. These are some minor technical bugs, but it makes me wish Bioware had tested a little more before release.

What’s old here? A lot, but this is not a bad thing. First, the sound, no real leaps and bounds here, just a ramp up from ME1, but sound, dialog, effects and music were great in ME1, so this is not a problem. Your character as well (potentially) . If you played ME1 and still have your saved games, you can now import your character into ME2. The mechanics of this are a little clunky, but they do work, and it is nice to have your past accomplishments become conversation and plot points in the new game. The squad system. You’re still limited to two at a time, while the others wait in ship limbo somewhere (the last mission is a major change to this and will be discussed later).

You are now tied to Cerberus in the game, as it was Cerberus that rezzed your sorry ass after you took a vacuum shower. You remember Cerberus from ME1 right? They’re the human race version of the Tea Party that crossed the line and became the Mass Effect version of a terrorist group or the SS, or so you thought (gasp!, potential plot points abound!). You then meet a really hot computer game chick and her strong and masculine counterpart (the first romance options in the game), and then get introduced to the dude who created Cerberus and made your second life possible, The Illusive Man. Now I love the fact that Martin Sheen does the voice for this guy and the structure of the character, but whoever thought they should turn him into the X-Files Smoking Man/Hank Scorpio/Sir Richard Branson should just be kicked in the nuts, or just sent back to finish high school. Is that the best that they could come up with? Was that a funny lunch time discussion at Bioware? Or was that homage word looked up at Webster’s Online by a writer while they were working up the script?

Now once you’ve met The Illusive Man and have had a little one on one time via a hologram communication console (we just need a Vader mask and a cloaked Emperor face here) to work out your relationship, he sends you off on missions to collect a new crew (kinda). The reason for this is to battle the Collectors, the bad guys of the game who work for the Reapers (the bad guys of ME1), who are now taking entire human colonies prisoner for some unknown but obviously BAD reason. You’re here for a reason remember?

To do this he gives you a brand new Enterprise, err Normandy (conveniently numbered SD-2 although how/why they use Alliance numbering I have no idea), cause the first one was toasted by the Collectors just as you took a skinny dip in space with a bad helmet. You also have a new Cerberus crew to go along with your Cerberus ship, (including a Scottish engineer for fucks sake, Rodenberry should be jumping outta his grave at this point for yet another rip-off of Star Trek) who it turns out are not all bad, crazy, xenophobic monsters, but just humans who feel that Cerberus gets stuff done, albeit with humans on top of the pile in a galaxy where they feel they are decided underdogs. Kinda like Dick Cheney Republicans in space.

So now we come to what makes Bioware RPG’s good, you do missions, build your team, level, and build your skills. The team starts off with new characters, but those of you heartsick for your old kick ass team won’t be disappointed, as you can pick up certain members again, some in surprising ways. Some have moved on, but what are ya gonna do after two years of being a meat bag in a lab?

In the missions you get to meet people, get to choose dialog, and if you’re really good (Paragon) or really bad (Renegade) you get special dialog options to get stuff done. These mission dialogs and plot points are once again mature and well written, and make listening to everything going on worthwhile to those of us who enjoy a good Sci-Fi story. In fact, the major missions in the game outside of the ones involving direct Collector encounters revolve around completing your team and then gaining their loyalty, as this is the only way to unlock the crucial ship and equipment upgrades that they offer for research. These are paramount to completing the final mission, and so you’re locked into doing them for all intents and purposes. This is also the way that you meet and greet your squad members whom you can form a romantic and sticky relationship with (more on this below).

You still have the ability to perform said really good or bad actions during dialogue moments that determine the structure of your character, their actions, and the reactions of those around you. What is new though is that you can now perform actions without choosing dialog first (the red and blue options). By utilizing the mouse buttons you can now perform certain Paragon/Renegade actions at certain parts of the game that affect the dialog/monologues quickly and seamlessly, which therefore translates into some really nicely done cut scenes. Nice touch.

Some things have been streamlined by Bioware in an effort to make the game either flow quicker, remove some tedium, or just make some things user friendly. Some of these things work, some don’t, and some just seem un-necessary detractions from ME1’s system. First is combat, commands are triggered through a one button menu that stops the action as long as its’ depressed and allows you to issue commands. It works well enough, and is not overly obtrusive. Combat flows smooth, and can be rather intense, but on the normal setting is far too easy for anyone who has played any FPS’s. The number of weapons have been significantly downgraded however. No longer do you need to collect six to eight versions of the same weapons which are incrementally upgraded in capability. Now you get two to four, with some characters getting a special one here and there. The same goes with weapon and expendable upgrades which have been reduced to either skills or research options. This may make the game go quicker, and seem more streamlined, but it does remove a bit of the uniqueness and customizing that was present in ME1. This is a minus in my book, and is missed. Similar problems exist with hacking and bypassing, which have been turned into simplistic Concentration games. While faster, they just seem like they would be more at home in a Yahoo Games forum than a Bioware RPG, and get boring quickly, and almost never present any kind of challenge to getting the cash or research materials that you need.

The truly catastrophic loss that immediately struck me between ME1 and ME2 was the loss of the Moon Patrol vehicle that Sheppard’s team had available to them. Nowhere in the stock game is a vehicle found, and this really sucks ass. The ability to go planet side and explore in the Moon Patrol knock-off vehicle was one of the most enjoyable things about ME1, and its removal is criminal. It has been stated that a new vehicle will be released as DLC, and this should be believed as the kb controls have vehicle options, but this just speaks to the hazard of making a middle volume in a trilogy in which decisions about putting too much in must come up. What we have as a replacement to planetary exploration is a scanner and probe option that allows you to search for rare metals and then remotely mine them from planets you orbit. While cool at first, the novelty quickly wears off, and in the end becomes as fun as spinning a globe in your room. WOO HOO!

At some point however the lonely guys (cause no matter what I have a real hard time believing there are tons of chick gamers looking forward to this) are gonna wanna stop interviewing finger puppets long enough to ask “Hey, what about some virtual ass! I need some virtual love!” And yes, just like ME1 you virtual Romeo’s can get yer computer sex groove on, but not with your paramour from the first game. You have to start all over and romance a new body from your squad. Surprise! Although this might affect how things roll in ME3. And here is another interesting note; if you screw up the dialogs you can get rejected. So be warned, if you already have a fragile ego about being rejected in real life, be prepared to have your virtual fantasy shut down as well. Now why Bioware would be this cruel to a potential audience who probably already lack the social skills to upgrade their love life by putting in the ability to fuck it up with their computer fantasy is beyond me, but I’m sure someone got the giggles over it. In the end, they will throw you a virtual bone by sending you your own Yeoman as a consolation prize if you can’t land another piece of ass. Think of it as taking your cousin to the prom and then sharing awkward glances with them at every family reunion for the rest of your life regarding what happened after the dance was over.

But what about your other crewmembers? I must say the eclectic number of personalities, the quality of back-stories, and the voice acting is amazing, and loaded with guest stars beyond Martin Sheen. Check IMDB if you don’t believe me, but the cast list is pretty sweet, and they mostly fit their roles. Their back-stories and loyalty quests are generally well done, but some just stand out. Mordin, your handy professor is the real gem here. Being part of the team that created the genophage that sterilized the Krogan race, his quests and interactions are some of the best explorations of ethics I’ve seen in a game in years. In addition, his character and lines are the funniest in the game, coupled with his sped up speech with few pauses, he is a scream. If I had only had the forethought to save the game before the conversation option to have him sing Gilbert and Sullivan came up I would be much, much, happier at this point.
So now you’ve quested for 20 - 30+ hours to build your crew. You have explored planets and strip mined them of resources from space. You have researched new technologies and made your crew as loyal as a new puppy. You have either moved towards the dark side of the force in the form of being a Renegade (hello Master Lucas), or are as good and pure as unicorns and rainbows from being a Paragon. You have either decided to switch to the Glenn Beck view of the universe and join Cerberus full force , or stuck your finger in the eye of the X-Files guy by screwing over Cerberus. You have bedded the computer chick/dude of your dreams with their clothes on, or you got rejected and are forced to bed your “this one time at band camp” Counselor Troi “I feel for all crewman” rip off Yeoman, or have relegated yourself to molesting the space hamster pet you bought on Citadel, and swearing to God you’ll find someone to feel up some day. What is a space cowboy/cowgirl to do now!? Why head out to the Omega relay to take on your final suicide mission and finish the game you moron!
Now don’t get me wrong, Bioware got this right. The final mission is extremely well done and shows you what they can do when they put their mind to it. Not only do you HAVE to choose members of your carefully constructed team for special missions where they might actually die, you have to do it knowing there is no way in hell they will be brought back for a sequel like your sorry ass would be. This is an amazing touch for a pc game. This are real consequences to your leadership decisions, and while it is possible to choose the exact right person for a job and have everyone survive, the first time I had to pick someone for a specialist mission during which they might not come back to me was a MOMENT. Wow. This alone was worth the price of admission, and let’s hope they do more of this in ME3. Well done.

So imagine my surprise after all that, and the ensuing combat, when I then got to the end boss. After fighting my way through a Collector ship to reach what was going to explain why all of the colonists were taken, and what could possibly be the next solution for wiping out all life in the galaxy by the Reapers, imagine my surprise by the look of the boss Human Reaper construct. My first thought was, “wow, that looks pretty cool”, followed quickly by “wasn’t that in an Iron Maiden concert, or at the very least a stage prop for Spinal Tap?” I don’t have words to describe what it looks like; all I can say is Google the phrase “Iron Maiden Eddie Mascot”, because I think someone at Bioware did. Holy shit what a letdown. Again, as I have asked, was this the best that they could come up with? And it’s not even a tough fight at that! In and out, bring on the final cut scene, CLAPPER BOARD! Roll Credits!
And speaking of final cut scene, here is where the Wachowski’s need some cash, compare that scene with the assault on Zion and someone tell Bioware to write a check.

So what do we have when all is said and done with Mass Effect 2? The quibbles have taken the majority of this review, but ME2 is a truly addictive RPG that is almost as fun as ME1, albeit with some questionable streamlines in game mechanics and content. The game looks phenomenal and sounds better. Combat is fun and satisfying. The story will suck you in and usually make you care about what is going on. But what is the trade off? Originality, pure and simple. We have so many rips of other movies and works that it is sometimes painful to see the events unfold from the screen. Bioware cut corners here story-wise for the middle volume of the trilogy and it shows. Let’s hope they pull out the stops again for ME3 and bring back the feel of discovery that was part of ME1.
The question you should be asking at this point is “do I pay for ME2, or just play ME1 and wait for ME3?” The answer is simple regardless of the issues outlined above. Like Empire Strikes Back you knew that you were not gonna get your real satisfaction until the story ended with the next movie, but that did not make that adventure any less necessary or fun. The same is true with ME2, for a completely satisfying trip through the universe of Mass Effect the stop at ME2 is necessary and rewarding, and with that Bioware got what it wanted, a hit.
 
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JoshGuru7

Golden Member
Aug 18, 2001
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I'd suggest you add a spoiler alert since you're discussing some very large spoilers about the ending, and possibly add an extra space between paragraphs to make it a little more readable.

The truly catastrophic loss that immediately struck me between ME1 and ME2 was the loss of the Moon Patrol vehicle that Sheppard’s team had available to them. Nowhere in the stock game is a vehicle found, and this really sucks ass. The ability to go planet side and explore in the Moon Patrol knock-off vehicle was one of the most enjoyable things about ME1, and its removal is criminal.
This was one of the bigger improvements for me actually. I didn't like the exploration in ME1 at all because it was too generic with recycled bases and planet terrain. I appreciated them letting me skip all that in ME2 so much that I didn't really mind the resource mini game at all. To each their own I guess.
 

ConstipatedVigilante

Diamond Member
Feb 22, 2006
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Paragraphs, dude. And IMO the game was awesome except for the final battle. The boss was so easy to kill; it just took some time.
 

matas

Golden Member
Aug 8, 2005
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haven't finished the game yet, I think I am gonna skip some loyalty missions because some characters are not interesting at all.
 

Udgnim

Diamond Member
Apr 16, 2008
3,662
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liked ME1 more than ME2

ME2 had some improvements like streamlining the inventory system, but I felt ME1 had a more epic feel to it.
 

Bateluer

Lifer
Jun 23, 2001
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liked ME1 more than ME2

ME2 had some improvements like streamlining the inventory system, but I felt ME1 had a more epic feel to it.

There were some things I liked in ME2, and overall, it was a good game, but it was very dumbed down compared to ME1. I sincerely hope they don't take another step towards the FPS genre with ME3.
 

digitaldurandal

Golden Member
Dec 3, 2009
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Wall of Text critically hits KaOTiK for 92340822 damage

KaOTiK dies

Glad you were in front of me, teach you to try tanking this thread.

Please space out your paragraphs, also for good merit, go back and delete 25 to 50% of your post. Just start deleting random lines for a start, then try to focus your thoughts.
 

EvilComputer92

Golden Member
Aug 25, 2004
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cool-story-bro.jpg
 

Dorkenstein

Diamond Member
Jul 23, 2004
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Pretty much what everyone else said. My eyes are tired enough that if I made an attempt to do more than gloss over than impenetrable phalanx of letters, I'd probably lose my lunch.

Also, I already own the game, so I'm done reading reviews.
 

mythlogic

Junior Member
Oct 9, 2007
9
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I'd suggest you add a spoiler alert since you're discussing some very large spoilers about the ending, and possibly add an extra space between paragraphs to make it a little more readable.
Done and Done, didn't realize the text got out of whack. Oh and first paragraph "But be warned o’ ye whiners, there WILL be PLOT SPOILERS. Suck it up, ‘because it’s impossible to write a true review of an RPG like this without giving something away of the plot."
 
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mythlogic

Junior Member
Oct 9, 2007
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also for good merit, go back and delete 25 to 50% of your post.
If it begins with " BIG ASSED GAME = LONG REVIEW! " and you still think it is too long then don't read. ...and if you didn't read it then surely you have no place to critique it.
 

Slick5150

Diamond Member
Nov 10, 2001
8,760
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Was there anyone really waiting for a poorly written review of a game 90% of the people on here finished awhile back? I'm still trying to figure out why this thread even exists.
 

Arglebargle

Senior member
Dec 2, 2006
892
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The ueber 'flippant and cool' approach to the review had me quiting about the 3rd paragraph. May be old-fartism though.
 

mythlogic

Junior Member
Oct 9, 2007
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Was there anyone really waiting for a poorly written review of a game 90% of the people on here finished awhile back? I'm still trying to figure out why this thread even exists.
Stick and stones, I don't see much along the lines of a review from you anywhere in your posts. Still trying to figure out why you bothered to click on it then?!
 

Qbah

Diamond Member
Oct 18, 2005
3,754
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Why the hate? The dude played ME2, loved it (like most people) and wrote a review about it. He doesno't have his own blog (not to mention a blog needs readers), so he posted his review on a public forum. What's is bad about it? Don't want to read it? Then don't.

I saw how much text the review has and didn't bother reading it. I finished the game and loved it in the end (after thinking a bit more about the whole plot). No need for me to read about it any more... Though I'm sure there are people who didn't play it. Then again, a review with spoilers (and a warning) is not something they will read through before playing the game :)
 

Sylvanas

Diamond Member
Jan 20, 2004
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Just finished ME2. Was absolutely fantastic IMO, I liked the first one but 2 took everything annoying from the 1st and either got rid of it or improved upon it. For me, Bioware hit another home run with it, glad I got ME2.