1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the
sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it
is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good
his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several
days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as
they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger
foods.
DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the
first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been
wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom
wall two
years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back.
Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter
is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have
proven they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
cummerbun and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky
appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this
special occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
2. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is
impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
3. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
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