Married/engaged men: Did you ask permission of the parents to marry their daughter?

[krunchykrome]

For those of you guys who are married or engaged, did you ask permission from the parents to marry their daughter? Is so, how did you do it?



How difficult do you think it would be if there was strong language barrier between the parents and yourself?

 

[FoBoT]

sort of, not explicitly, but i talked to her dad privately and told him we were going to get married, i didn't say "may I" like in the movies

 

[Glavinsolo]

Yes, I asked while he was working out in the house. It took maybe 30mins at most.

 

[TheoPetro]

I plan on doing it.

As for the language barrier just show him a picture of a wedding dress and people f___ing. He will get the picture

 

[OpenThirdEye]

I got engaged a little over a month ago. I asked the parents about 1.5 months before popping the question.

My scenario's proabbly a little different from most. I live in MD and she lives in IN...so I had to call her parents and ask them over the phone. I'd talked and hung out with her parents before, so there wasn't really any difficulty coming out and asking for their daughter's hand in marriage.

Obviously they said yes, and then they asked a couple questions of me...just normal parental stuff.

 

[homercles337]

Its best to know the chic you want to propose to. I have a really close friend (platonic) and she was recently proposed to and the guy asked her parents (theyre chinese and blind, so it must have been hard). She said this was essential. However, i the chic i wanted to propose to said she would consider this an insult. I would just bring it up in converstation, "so, X was just proposed to and they guy did/didnt ask her parents."

 

[funboy6942]

Never bothered to ask my wife's father or mother. Just her, she said yes, we got married. If he said no we would of gotten married any way and really its not up to him, Im not marring him

 

[HeroOfPellinor]

No. She was surprised that I didn't though, so I asked for their blessing afterward. Really, it never occurred to me that they had any role in the decision.

 

[krunchykrome]

Originally posted by: TheoPetro
I plan on doing it.

As for the language barrier just show him a picture of a wedding dress and people f___ing. He will get the picture

LOL, or I could simulate the proposal for him...take his hand and put the ring on and then show him a pic of his daughter.

 

[Chaotic42]

Originally posted by: funboy42
Never bothered to ask my wife's father or mother. Just her, she said yes, we got married. If he said no we would of gotten married any way and really its not up to him, Im not marring him

You marry the family, man.

 

[meltdown75]

Yeah I did. I went over there on a Sunday in November when my wife was Christmas shopping. There was a Lions game on so I pretended to be interested in that but I was pretty damn nervous. After the 3rd quarter I knew I was running out of time so I said, "I um.... did have a reason for coming here today other than just hanging out... ummm... (fumble fumble just like the Lions)...I want to ask **** to marry me and I want to make sure it is ok with both of you."

Her mom was very happy, she came over and gave me a hug and said that I had her blessing. Her Dad doesn't get too excited about stuff but he really appreciated the gesture (my wife is Daddy's little girl). Her Mom cooked us all dinner and we had some champagne and did a toast. My wife's younger siblings were there too and it is a really special memory for myself and her parents.

 

[theknight571]

Originally posted by: Chaotic42

Originally posted by: funboy42
Never bothered to ask my wife's father or mother. Just her, she said yes, we got married. If he said no we would of gotten married any way and really its not up to him, Im not marring him

You marry the family, man.

LOL... I was gonna say that too.

Unless you live far far away, you get the entire family.

Trust me on this one.... my wife's lucky I love her so much, cause I would have divorced her dad long ago. LOL

Edit:

BTW... I did not ask her parents permission first.

 

[PricklyPete]

Yes I did. You really should.

 

[Feldenak]

No, I didn't ask.

 

[EKKC]

"your daughter is preggo. you're lucky that im marrying her, now pay for the damn wedding"


nah i think you don't have to ask, just a "we're getting married" with your gf/fiance should suffice if you already know the parents well

 

[krunchykrome]

Originally posted by: meltdown75
Yeah I did. I went over there on a Sunday in November when my wife was Christmas shopping. There was a Lions game on so I pretended to be interested in that but I was pretty damn nervous. After the 3rd quarter I knew I was running out of time so I said, "I um.... did have a reason for coming here today other than just hanging out... ummm... (fumble fumble just like the Lions)...I want to ask **** to marry me and I want to make sure it is ok with both of you."

Her mom was very happy, she came over and gave me a hug and said that I had her blessing. Her Dad doesn't get too excited about stuff but he really appreciated the gesture (my wife is Daddy's little girl). Her Mom cooked us all dinner and we had some champagne and did a toast. My wife's younger siblings were there too and it is a really special memory for myself and her parents.

That sounds like a Ben Stiller movie with a happy ending. It's a nice story to tell, although I dont think my situation will go as smoothly.

 

[krunchykrome]

Originally posted by: EKKC
"your daughter is preggo. you're lucky that im marrying her, now pay for the damn wedding"


nah i think you don't have to ask, just a "we're getting married" with your gf/fiance should suffice if you already know the parents well

So maybe knocking her up will make the decision easier for her parents? :laugh:

 

[Dirigible]

Nope. Didn't do that. Would have annoyed my now-wife, and the parents would have thought I was weird.

I could imagine women/families where it would be appropriate, though.

 

[EKKC]

Originally posted by: krunchykrome

Originally posted by: EKKC
"your daughter is preggo. you're lucky that im marrying her, now pay for the damn wedding"


nah i think you don't have to ask, just a "we're getting married" with your gf/fiance should suffice if you already know the parents well

So maybe knocking her up will make the decision easier for her parents? :laugh:

easier on your own wallet as well!!! :evil:

 

[homercles337]

Originally posted by: PricklyPete
Yes I did. You really should.

You should really look at my post above. But then you kind of come off like a conservative xian so i dont expect much.

 

[meltdown75]

Originally posted by: krunchykrome

Originally posted by: meltdown75
Yeah I did. I went over there on a Sunday in November when my wife was Christmas shopping. There was a Lions game on so I pretended to be interested in that but I was pretty damn nervous. After the 3rd quarter I knew I was running out of time so I said, "I um.... did have a reason for coming here today other than just hanging out... ummm... (fumble fumble just like the Lions)...I want to ask **** to marry me and I want to make sure it is ok with both of you."

Her mom was very happy, she came over and gave me a hug and said that I had her blessing. Her Dad doesn't get too excited about stuff but he really appreciated the gesture (my wife is Daddy's little girl). Her Mom cooked us all dinner and we had some champagne and did a toast. My wife's younger siblings were there too and it is a really special memory for myself and her parents.

That sounds like a Ben Stiller movie with a happy ending. It's a nice story to tell, although I dont think my situation will go as smoothly.

heh, yeah... the truth is (and looking back I know this for sure) that it doesn't matter how it comes out, it's the fact that you did it. Her mom still talks about that. She really enjoys that memory. I don't think it's necessarily bad if you don't do it, but it shows that you respect the parents and you want to go about things with their blessing. Also... you never know... they could actually say, "BAHAHAHHAHAH SCREW YOU!" which would be really funny too

 

[funboy6942]

Originally posted by: Chaotic42

Originally posted by: funboy42
Never bothered to ask my wife's father or mother. Just her, she said yes, we got married. If he said no we would of gotten married any way and really its not up to him, Im not marring him

You marry the family, man.

Not im my eyes, I married my wife, she is all I have to impress or worry about. Her family doesnt like me, but they do, at the time didnt care. I loved her, not her brothers, sisters, parents, what have you, just her. They either like me for me as she did or itdoesnt matter because she is all that matters to me. They will still love her no matter what, I can care less if the approve of me.

 

[slsmnaz]

I haven't had the chance yet but my brother-in-law did ask my dad first. If you expect them to pay for the wedding it would be a nice gesture and sign of respect.

 

[fire400]

http://forums.anandtech.com/messageview.aspx?catid=38&threadid=1965895

besides the point,

but anyway,

Chaotic42 is right. You marry your fiance, and the her family goes into your baggage as well. It's not weight, it's oppurtunity and repsonsibility. show respect for their daughter, you ask like a gentleman, not a bumb from the streets who has no repsect for your future parents-in-law.

Oh yeah, keep in mind, that if you really love your fiance and will do your best to make things happen somehow, if her parents say 'no' - live life to the fullest anyway _ my friend ran away with his girl friend and got married to her. her family couldn't do anything about it because it was her choice anyway, "their choice."

p.s. don't disrespect or hate if they say 'no' - but if they approve, all the better. always ask, fear is how Darth Vader came to be. may 'ze forS be 'wid you, Look!

 

[MaxDepth]

With my former fiance (never did get married) I asked her mom for permission because her parents were divorced and her mother was the sober, more stable parent. I wished I had known my fiance would come to be more like her dad.