Married couples who purposely don't want to have children

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meltdown75

Lifer
Nov 17, 2004
37,548
7
81
I know a few couples that are against kids. Personally I think it's a waste not to pass on certain people's genes, especially if they are good looking, smart, or both. That sounds just about as superficial as it gets but honestly, I kinda think it is one of the main goals in life. It's pretty selfish to just want to be with your mate and have no kids. I would have trouble believing that people like that don't constantly second-guess themselves, especially when the time to have kids has passed by.

In one case, the couple is against kids for financial reasons and loss of "quality of life" after the kids show. In the other, the guy is just a fvcking dick and hates children.

To each his own... my wife is young yet but when she finishes university I will be very anxious to travel that road.
 

BigJ

Lifer
Nov 18, 2001
21,330
1
81
Honestly, I think it's kind of sad.

I look at the relationship I have with my parents, which has been been pretty shakey, but I still love them to death. If something happened to either one of them, I don't know what I would do. Me and my father have gotten especially close since I started maturing and becoming an adult, even more-so since I went away to college, and I feel we really have a very close bond.

I just wish that one day I'm lucky enough to share that bond with my children because it's such a wonderful thing.
 

nakedfrog

No Lifer
Apr 3, 2001
59,208
13,801
136
Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Originally posted by: nakedfrog

So parents plan for their kids to get sick, or for their daycare to have some sort of problem? Or was it just poor planning for them to have kids at all?
What is your fair treatment plan?


That if it's your turn to work forced overtime or Sat or Xmas that you do so rather than go on and on about your kids. I'd also expect a working parent to have a backup arrangement in place to handle things like sick kids,school vacations, babysitter cancelations, to not have alternate arrangements in place isn't fair to anybody particularly to the kids.

Btw, attitudes like yours smack of a hostage taking one "help me or the kid will be home sick alone" as if the child free person and not an irresponsible parent was somehow responsible for shortsightedness.. I find blame shifting really offensive.

I've never been anywhere where there was a forced overtime, saturday, or xmas work necessity, so I guess I can see how some people might feel bitter there. I've never been anywhere where any of this was a problem, actually, so I guess I don't understand where the people that are bitching about having to pick up all this extra slack are coming from.
I have no idea where this blame shifting bit comes from, so if you find it offensive, feel free to shove it.
 

NFS4

No Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
72,636
46
91
Originally posted by: JackBurton
<- Married, no kids and I'm not planning on having any either. As a matter of fact, I feel sad for the people that HAVE kids. I love doing whatever I want to do with my wife at the spur of the moment. My wife is my best friend and we love doing everything together (we've been together for 14yrs too). The WORST thing you can do is telling me some sob story about your life. "I have 3 kids, and it's really hard to make ends meet. I come home after a hard days work and have to come home to more work (kids). My life is so hectic! I'm just so stressed!" My reply, "Hahahahaha....AAAAAHHHH....Hahahaha. Oh God, that's great. Now if you don't mind, I have to go on vacation for a week with my wife in Hawaii." :)

**10 years later**

Another Christmas alone together
Another Thanksgiving alone together

**20 years later**

"Wish we had someone else to share this time with"
"Isn't there anything more to life?"

**30 years later**

"No children, no grandkids, nothing. WTF, am I just gonna sit here and look at your wrinkly ass everyday and nothing else"
"WTF am I going to do with all of this friggin' money. I have no one to leave it to. This big fancy house, where does it go. Honey, what am I going to do when you're gone. I'll have nothing. No one to love."

;)
 

jagec

Lifer
Apr 30, 2004
24,442
6
81
Originally posted by: NFS4
I was watching the local news last night and they were talking about a group of people (all in their mid 20's to early-mid 30's) in the area who are adamantly against having kids. They refer to themselves as childfree instead of childless (b/c childless would imply that they were missing something in their lives).

I might well end up not having kids, but I'm certainly not going to refer to myself as "childfree" or anything STUPID like that, nor will I look down on people who do want kids.
 

Muadib

Lifer
May 30, 2000
17,978
861
126
Originally posted by: MikeyIs4Dcats
I hope to be in my mid 30's before I have a kid. I enjoy my freedom (and $$$) too much. I always have my neices and nephews to visit.
That's why I don't have kids!

 

Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
32,199
2,452
126
www.theshoppinqueen.com
Originally posted by: NFS4
Originally posted by: JackBurton
<- Married, no kids and I'm not planning on having any either. As a matter of fact, I feel sad for the people that HAVE kids. I love doing whatever I want to do with my wife at the spur of the moment. My wife is my best friend and we love doing everything together (we've been together for 14yrs too). The WORST thing you can do is telling me some sob story about your life. "I have 3 kids, and it's really hard to make ends meet. I come home after a hard days work and have to come home to more work (kids). My life is so hectic! I'm just so stressed!" My reply, "Hahahahaha....AAAAAHHHH....Hahahaha. Oh God, that's great. Now if you don't mind, I have to go on vacation for a week with my wife in Hawaii." :)

**10 years later**

Another Christmas alone together
Another Thanksgiving alone together

**20 years later**

"Wish we had someone else to share this time with"
"Isn't there anything more to life?"

**30 years later**

"No children, no grandkids, nothing. WTF, am I just gonna sit here and look at your wrinkly ass everyday and nothing else"
"WTF am I going to do with all of this friggin' money. I have no one to leave it to. This big fancy house, where does it go. Honey, what am I going to do when you're gone. I'll have nothing. No one to love."

;)

I know childfree couples of retirement age, they're in better shape physically and fiscally than their peers who had kids. Traveling, taking classes,volunteering, having expensive hobbies... sounds like a lot more fun than being forced to take on the job of providing free daycare to grandkids.

 

NFS4

No Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
72,636
46
91
Originally posted by: Geekbabe
I know childfree couples of retirement age, they're in better shape physically and fiscally than their peers who had kids. Traveling, taking classes,volunteering, having expensive hobbies... sounds like a lot more fun than being forced to take on the job of providing free daycare to grandkids.

What makes you think that they would be hit up for free childcare? Not all children are freeloaders.

That being said, you mean to tell me that a couple in their retirement years must have either/or? So it's either have kids and grandchildren and be burdoned for all of your old age or have none and be some "uber" retiree?

I know many who have BOTH
 

Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
32,199
2,452
126
www.theshoppinqueen.com
Originally posted by: NFS4
Originally posted by: Geekbabe
I know childfree couples of retirement age, they're in better shape physically and fiscally than their peers who had kids. Traveling, taking classes,volunteering, having expensive hobbies... sounds like a lot more fun than being forced to take on the job of providing free daycare to grandkids.

What makes you think that they would be hit up for free childcare? Not all children are freeloaders.

That being said, you mean to tell me that a couple in their retirement years must have either/or? So it's either have kids and grandchildren and be burdoned for all of your old age or have none and be some "uber" retiree?

I know many who have BOTH

You obviously don't read AARP.. grandparents provide a HUGE amount of childcare and that number is growing as is the numbers of elderly folks totally raising grandchildren due to the divorce, drug addiction or instability of their parents.

I would like to think that most people are intelligent enough to decide if they want children badly enough to endure the very real costs associated with the choice.

 

dirtboy

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
6,745
1
81
My girlfriend and I may never have children. She's a little older than I and said that if she doesn't have children by age 35, she doesn't want any. She said the risks associated with childbirth beyond that age aren't worth it.

We could try to make something happen sooner, but it's not worth it. If it happens, it happens, and if not, that's they way it goes. I'd like to have a son as my name will die with me, but it's not imperitive.
 

NFS4

No Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
72,636
46
91
Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Originally posted by: NFS4
Originally posted by: Geekbabe
I know childfree couples of retirement age, they're in better shape physically and fiscally than their peers who had kids. Traveling, taking classes,volunteering, having expensive hobbies... sounds like a lot more fun than being forced to take on the job of providing free daycare to grandkids.

What makes you think that they would be hit up for free childcare? Not all children are freeloaders.

That being said, you mean to tell me that a couple in their retirement years must have either/or? So it's either have kids and grandchildren and be burdoned for all of your old age or have none and be some "uber" retiree?

I know many who have BOTH

You obviously don't read AARP.. grandparents provide a HUGE amount of childcare and that number is growing as is the numbers of elderly folks totally raising grandchildren due to the divorce, drug addiction or instability of their parents.

I would like to think that most people are intelligent enough to decide if they want children badly enough to endure the very real costs associated with the choice.

I guess I just live in some fantasy world. My family isn't perfect, but everyone takes care of their own. Same goes for my friends and their families.

My GF's grandad was a WWII veteran. Had three kids. 58, 54, 49 (my GF's mom). Each of their kids had two kids (Boy/Boy, Girl/Boy, Girl/Boy). Everyone is off doing their own thing but the family bond is still there. Grandad came back from the war with nothing, went to work for GE, and is living off his retirement now. He has a home in Greensboro, a home at the lake, a home at the beach, and a home in Charlotte. Nothing fancy, but still very nice. Of course, he and his wife visit their children when they can (once a month or so) and the children visit them as well (as well as take advantage of the beach house...myself included;)).

I guess my point it, it DOESN'T have to be either/or
 

shilala

Lifer
Oct 5, 2004
11,437
1
76
I always thought it was a selfishness issue until I've watched a buddy of mine and his wife. They've been married for 10 or 15 years now. They dated since they were teenagers. They've known each other since they were little kids.
They don't wish to have kids. It's not even a one side does, one side doesn't thing. They have no desire for children, never did.
They are the most unselfish people I've ever seen.
They have a couple German Shepherds that they treat much like their own kids, I guess that fills the need, who knows?
Kids just aren't for everybody.
I always thought I'd like to have a dozen kids. Two became enough somewhere along the way. I'd still like to have a dozen if someone else would raise them :D
 

Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
32,199
2,452
126
www.theshoppinqueen.com
I think recognizing that you do not want/or are not suited to being a parent and going against the social pressure to have children is probably one of the most unselfish things a person can do.

I came into adulthood in a time when it was assumed that you'd get married and have kids..even if it was a disaster for you and for them.I think things are better now,people actually think about this issue!
 

Vic

Elite Member
Jun 12, 2001
50,422
14,333
136
Originally posted by: Schrodinger
Originally posted by: Vic
It's called DINK. Dual Income, No Kids. Our society penalizes people for having children. Both financially and in terms of privacy. Add my SO and I to the list of couples who do not want children.
You mean society penalizes people for NOT having children :)
No. I meant what I said. Society penalizes people for having children. Those tiny tax breaks are NOTHING compared to the cost of raising children. The only exception is for very low-income, who can receive EIC and welfare benefits, but only at the cost of a tremendous loss of privacy. But if you're middle class and working for a living, the penalties for having children are steep.
 

Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
32,199
2,452
126
www.theshoppinqueen.com
Originally posted by: Vic
Originally posted by: Schrodinger
Originally posted by: Vic
It's called DINK. Dual Income, No Kids. Our society penalizes people for having children. Both financially and in terms of privacy. Add my SO and I to the list of couples who do not want children.
You mean society penalizes people for NOT having children :)
No. I meant what I said. Society penalizes people for having children. Those tiny tax breaks are NOTHING compared to the cost of raising children. The only exception is for very low-income, who can receive EIC and welfare benefits, but only at the cost of a tremendous loss of privacy. But if you're middle class and working for a living, the penalties for having children are steep.

Many of the costs involved in rearing children are entirely voluntary on the part of the parents,including the basic choice of whether to have a child to begin with.
 

Gurck

Banned
Mar 16, 2004
12,963
1
0
Originally posted by: meltdown75
Personally I think it's a waste not to pass on certain people's genes, especially if they are good looking, smart, or both. That sounds just about as superficial as it gets
Yep, it does.
It's pretty selfish to just want to be with your mate and have no kids
I don't mean to single you out on this comment, as quite a few posters have expressed the same thought, so this isn't directed at you specifically - what's actually selfish is to feel this way. Who are you to say what others should do? We have no obligation to procreate. I can conceive of only two reasons for feeling this way, and both are selfish; to believe it because you feel others' children will benefit society, which in turn will benefit you (when all that's needed to maintain society is to take part in it by the rulebook - that is the obligation), or to exercise your genetically dictated desire for power & control over others and simply find this a convenient avenue because popular opinion is already opposed to your intended target.
Originally posted by: BigJ
Honestly, I think it's kind of sad.
No need to feel sad about it, I don't feel bad for people with kids - they brought it upon themselves :D
 

NFS4

No Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
72,636
46
91
Originally posted by: Geekbabe
I think recognizing that you do not want/or are not suited to being a parent and going against the social pressure to have children is probably one of the most unselfish things a person can do.

I came into adulthood in a time when it was assumed that you'd get married and have kids..even if it was a disaster for you and for them.I think things are better now,people actually think about this issue!

I understand what you're saying, but for me, there just seems to be this instinctual urge or longing for children at some point. A child to care for and nuture, to pass on family tradition and values. I child to pass on along all of my worldly possessions when I'm gone. Someone to pass on family heirlooms from generation to generation. A sense of family betwen more than just two people.

I love my parents to death, and we don't have a "perfect" relationship (no one does), but their love for me and my interactions with them throughout my life have made me want kids all that much more and to have the same experiences to live with. The day they're born, the day they take their first steps, their first words, going to K-garden for the first time, the first date (gawd, I'm going to be watching my daughter's suitor like a hawk!:|;)), graduating from high school, graduating from college, watching them get married, their kids...the whole circle of life.

For some, it's a matter of mortality. Knowing that they have a child to live on once they're gone to live life as you would have wanted them to.

Now I understand, some people may just "settle" on not having kids at all. Take for example one who doesn't get married until later on in life past their "prime" when it becomes riskier to become pregnant. A woman may not want to get pregnant earlier b/c she may have not met the right person to share a family with. Then by the time she does meet that special person that she wants to share her life with, the time has already passed.
 

Queasy

Moderator<br>Console Gaming
Aug 24, 2001
31,796
2
0
Oh, and to the people that organized this group who don't want children......Simpsons did it. ;)
 
Mar 19, 2003
18,289
2
71
I'm only 20 right now (and thus I obviously have lots of time to change my mind), but as things stand, I don't particularly feel like I want or need to have children. Hell, I'm even not bothering to try to get myself into any sort of relationship now either.

What I don't understand is the people on either side that feel compelled to criticize the choices of those on the other side...
 

JackBurton

Lifer
Jul 18, 2000
15,993
14
81
Originally posted by: NFS4
**10 years later**

Another Christmas alone together
Another Thanksgiving alone together
That's the way I like it. I married the person I love, so spending time with them and THEM ALONE is my ideal way to spend my free time.
**20 years later**

"Wish we had someone else to share this time with"
"Isn't there anything more to life?"
It's more like...
"Honey, I can't believe we own this beautiful home!"
"Yeah, I LOVE IT! And better yet, I can't believe it's already paid off! How many people our age have this type of house and no mortage."
"Well, all the people we know have kids."
"Yeah, well with all our extra income, maybe we can just travel the world."
"That sounds great honey!"
**30 years later**

"No children, no grandkids, nothing. WTF, am I just gonna sit here and look at your wrinkly ass everyday and nothing else"
"WTF am I going to do with all of this friggin' money. I have no one to leave it to. This big fancy house, where does it go. Honey, what am I going to do when you're gone. I'll have nothing. No one to love."
Not quite. How about...
"No children, no grandkids, nothing! Nothing but a beautiful house, cars, toys, and best of all, time to travel. I'm glad we didn't waste our youths stressing raising children. We spent the best years of our lives doing what we wanted to do."
"I love you honey."
"I love you too honey."

And they lived happily ever after.

Don't worry NFS4, whenever you have kids and are still posting on this forum, I'll be sure to laugh at your pain when you create threads like:
"My kids are out of control."
"I think my kid is addicted to crack."
"My daughter is pregnant for the second time at the age of 18."

Yes, all these fun experiences can be yours...
 

Gurck

Banned
Mar 16, 2004
12,963
1
0
Originally posted by: SynthDude2001
What I don't understand is the people on either side that feel compelled to criticize the choices of those on the other side...
I see only pro-procreation people doing that. The only animosity I've seen displayed by "pro-choicers" is toward the discrimination we experience.
 

tami

Lifer
Nov 14, 2004
11,588
3
81
the saddest part is that if your wife/husband passes on and you never had kids when the time was right (biologically speaking), you'll just grow up all alone. it's a lot easier to grow up with a child by your side, and even grandkids.
 

Your Ears

Junior Member
Nov 13, 2004
19
0
0
Its a lifestyle choice, there's no need to criticize someone for having or not having kids: is it hurting you?
 

meltdown75

Lifer
Nov 17, 2004
37,548
7
81
Originally posted by: Gurck
Originally posted by: meltdown75
Personally I think it's a waste not to pass on certain people's genes, especially if they are good looking, smart, or both. That sounds just about as superficial as it gets
Yep, it does.

Yeah, and I admitted it sounded superficial!! I don't mind you picking apart my posts in your Atheism thread but... singling me out like that is pretty lame Gurck. I mean seriously, do you really wanna be that guy? You need to lighten up imho.

My statement was whimsical, I don't edit a lot of my posts and half the time I'm just trying to be humourous. So you think having kids is selfish? Where do you come up with this stuff? :roll: You're the crabbiest ATOTer I know so far. I know it's impossible to get along with everyone but I've given it more than an honest effort. Oh well... whatever
 

sandmanwake

Golden Member
Feb 29, 2000
1,494
0
0
Originally posted by: tami
the saddest part is that if your wife/husband passes on and you never had kids when the time was right (biologically speaking), you'll just grow up all alone. it's a lot easier to grow up with a child by your side, and even grandkids.



That's so selfish sounding. Bring a life into this world just so you won't die alone. Me, I plan on getting super rich and surrounding myself with gold digging whores in my old age who'll screw me into my grave.