Marriage name change troubles

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blackdogdeek

Lifer
Mar 14, 2003
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my wife's sister kept her maiden name but her children have the husband's last name.

my wife took my last name but it was 50-50 for a while.
 

chambersc

Diamond Member
Feb 11, 2005
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Originally posted by: Specop 007
Originally posted by: ultimatebob
When you have children, what last name are THEY going to have?
Exactly. Thats the problem we have right effin now.

While some may look at it as "tradition" to change names and say "Whats in a tradition" there ARE alot more issues beyond just "Whats in a name".
not really. the kid can have whatever name we feel proper -- last name included. where's the problem?
 

thomsbrain

Lifer
Dec 4, 2001
18,148
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women not taking their new husband's names is extremely common, especially now that so many women work. do you really want to call all your clients and contacts and tell them you have a new name? hell no. in my aunt's case, she runs a big construction firm that bears her name. it would hardly be fitting to change the name of the company, and it would just confuse everyone if she changed her name but not the company's, so she just left it.
 

Vette73

Lifer
Jul 5, 2000
21,503
8
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Originally posted by: SoylentG
We've talked about it a fair bit, she just can't get over her distaste for the name. I personally think it's childish to buck a tradition just because you don't like it. She doesn't have a name for herself professionally yet, so that's not an issue. She doesn't want to keep Rodriguez as her middle name, she didn't even want to have 4 names (First, Middle, Second Middle, Last), and just go by Rodriguez for introductions, and professionally. She just doesn't want Spanko to be any part of her name. She wants to keep her middle name as well. To me, this just seems like she's not willing to budge on the topic. It's a freaking name, for the love of god!

To me, the wife taking the husband's last name is part of unity. In all seriousness, I'd be just as happy flying to vegas and having a quick and dirty marriage, and she knows this. We're having an entire wedding because that's what she wants...I just wish she would just do this for me. :(


You do know there are a lot of cultures where the woman does not take the guys name. That and taking the guys name use to be a way/was a way of marking a woman when they had no rights and were noting more then property for a man.

My wife, just married a couple weeks ago, kept her name. Of course a lot of vietnamese women do, maybe asians do?

I don;t care about a name, I care for the woman. And if changing a name means that much to you, let her go so she can find a guy that will respect her and treat her better then you.
 

FeuerFrei

Diamond Member
Mar 30, 2005
9,152
928
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Everyone in the family should have the same name. The issue should have been settled before she was married if she's that uncomfortable with it. Now if I were you, I'd be looking for any excuse to change my name to anthing else, so I'd jump at the chance you have. Either take her surname or both of you adopt a new last name.
 

FeuerFrei

Diamond Member
Mar 30, 2005
9,152
928
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Originally posted by: Marlin1975
Originally posted by: SoylentG
We've talked about it a fair bit, she just can't get over her distaste for the name. I personally think it's childish to buck a tradition just because you don't like it. She doesn't have a name for herself professionally yet, so that's not an issue. She doesn't want to keep Rodriguez as her middle name, she didn't even want to have 4 names (First, Middle, Second Middle, Last), and just go by Rodriguez for introductions, and professionally. She just doesn't want Spanko to be any part of her name. She wants to keep her middle name as well. To me, this just seems like she's not willing to budge on the topic. It's a freaking name, for the love of god!

To me, the wife taking the husband's last name is part of unity. In all seriousness, I'd be just as happy flying to vegas and having a quick and dirty marriage, and she knows this. We're having an entire wedding because that's what she wants...I just wish she would just do this for me. :(


You do know there are a lot of cultures where the woman does not take the guys name. That and taking the guys name use to be a way/was a way of marking a woman when they had no rights and were noting more then property for a man.

My wife, just married a couple weeks ago, kept her name. Of course a lot of vietnamese women do, maybe asians do?

I don;t care about a name, I care for the woman. And if changing a name means that much to you, let her go so she can find a guy that will respect her and treat her better then you.
Hmm, another reason why other cultures are inferior. Just because other cultures do something doesn't mean it's a good idea.
 

SoylentG

Senior member
Oct 26, 2005
256
0
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OK, I've got two people talking about other cultures that don't take the name of the husband, but guess what...
The culture I live in, and the culture that she's from BOTH have the wife receiving the last name of the husband.

And, as I've said, she's graduating in august, so she'll have 1 year of professional experience when we plan to get married, assuming that she gets a job upon graduation. Frankly, as much as I'd love for her to get a job right out of college, its a limited field, and being a realist I have to say she probably won't get a job for at LEAST a month or two.

So, Marlin, what you're saying that I don't care about a woman because I want to respect a tradition...you my friend are a moron. This is NOT a big deal. Maybe if she had a career and/or lots of contacts, it would be reasonable for her to want to keep her name. However, she has neither of these things, and the only reason she could think of for not wanting my name is because she dislikes it.

I am open to suggestions on combinations of names, we thought of exploring that option this morning. Spankrod is my favorite, but I don't think it'll go over too well... >:D

To reiterate, I don't think the wife should always take the husband's name. I'm a big beleiver in situational right/wrong. In this situation, I feel that "not liking" my last name is a pretty ****** reason. :(
 

Ameesh

Lifer
Apr 3, 2001
23,686
0
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Originally posted by: RKS
My wife hinted at the whole hypenation thing. I told her if she wanted to get married she had to take my name or she could keep her name and we could just move in together.

She went from an old German name to an old Indian one.
that sounds like a plan
 
Jun 19, 2004
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Seeing as how my nickname since infancy has been Spanky, I'm sure as hell not marrying you!

Spanky Spanko....no thanks! ;)
 

Vette73

Lifer
Jul 5, 2000
21,503
8
0
Originally posted by: SoylentG
OK, I've got two people talking about other cultures that don't take the name of the husband, but guess what...
The culture I live in, and the culture that she's from BOTH have the wife receiving the last name of the husband.

And, as I've said, she's graduating in august, so she'll have 1 year of professional experience when we plan to get married, assuming that she gets a job upon graduation. Frankly, as much as I'd love for her to get a job right out of college, its a limited field, and being a realist I have to say she probably won't get a job for at LEAST a month or two.

So, Marlin, what you're saying that I don't care about a woman because I want to respect a tradition...you my friend are a moron. This is NOT a big deal. Maybe if she had a career and/or lots of contacts, it would be reasonable for her to want to keep her name. However, she has neither of these things, and the only reason she could think of for not wanting my name is because she dislikes it.

I am open to suggestions on combinations of names, we thought of exploring that option this morning. Spankrod is my favorite, but I don't think it'll go over too well... >:D

To reiterate, I don't think the wife should always take the husband's name. I'm a big beleiver in situational right/wrong. In this situation, I feel that "not liking" my last name is a pretty ****** reason. :(


Sorry but someone that has the last name of Spanko and is throughing a fit on the internet because his woman won?t take his last name is the last person that should be calling someone a "moron".

Grow up or go back to your trailor. Better yet go to wal-mart, I am sure there will be a pile of people there just like you that will back you up to the hill.

Only question you need to ask is do you love each other? If yes then a name means jack squat as long as you have each other. If it does bother you, then don?t get married as I see divorce in your very soon future.

 

Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
31,945
1,888
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www.theshoppinqueen.com
Originally posted by: SoylentG
We've talked about it a fair bit, she just can't get over her distaste for the name. I personally think it's childish to buck a tradition just because you don't like it. She doesn't have a name for herself professionally yet, so that's not an issue. She doesn't want to keep Rodriguez as her middle name, she didn't even want to have 4 names (First, Middle, Second Middle, Last), and just go by Rodriguez for introductions, and professionally. She just doesn't want Spanko to be any part of her name. She wants to keep her middle name as well. To me, this just seems like she's not willing to budge on the topic. It's a freaking name, for the love of god!

To me, the wife taking the husband's last name is part of unity. In all seriousness, I'd be just as happy flying to vegas and having a quick and dirty marriage, and she knows this. We're having an entire wedding because that's what she wants...I just wish she would just do this for me. :(


You don't like the name yourself why would you expect her to ? Btw,large or small the wedding is just one day but you're expecting her to be called "Spanko "every day till the day she dies,not a fair trade off imho.

Why not have you both chose a new name ?

If it were me
 

Specop 007

Diamond Member
Jan 31, 2005
9,454
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Originally posted by: chambersc
Originally posted by: Specop 007
Originally posted by: ultimatebob
When you have children, what last name are THEY going to have?
Exactly. Thats the problem we have right effin now.

While some may look at it as "tradition" to change names and say "Whats in a tradition" there ARE alot more issues beyond just "Whats in a name".
not really. the kid can have whatever name we feel proper -- last name included. where's the problem?
The problem is with the kids.
They start to ask "why arent the names the same, why do I get X name, why does everyone else have the same names" etc etc.

Its not a big deal, but it is something else to have to deal with.
 
Jul 12, 2001
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My G/F is keeping her last name if we get married, I have no problem with it, A) its tradition in her culture, B) she is published in her current name

what do I care? Kids will have my last name.
 

erikistired

Diamond Member
Sep 27, 2000
9,739
0
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Originally posted by: SoylentG
Alright, so my last name is Spanko, and my fiance's last name is Rodriguez. She dislikes my last name, and doesn't want to take it. I'm not particularly fond of it, but you don't choose your last name based on like/dislike in my opinion. If everyone just named themselves what they wanted, we've have a lot more lame ass names going around, and a lot of peolpe with RL names like Vash and such.

She's asking her soap opera board about possible name consolidations, but I just don't see the point in bucking tradition here. I'm not exactly the full on traditional type of guy, but it just doesn't make sense to me..

Thoughts?
anyone who consults a soap opera board for what can be an important decision to someone more than likely has deeper problems than not wanting to take your last name. just fyi.
 

erikistired

Diamond Member
Sep 27, 2000
9,739
0
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Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: Pippy
My dad would have my head if my wife one day doesn't take my last name. Strefling is a dying name with only a few tens around the world (stupid WWII...) Dunno, I'd clear this up before marriage.
As much as a name meant before, in these times it means nothing. The only thing that matters is if you put value on the name and tradition. If you're doing this for your father, you might regret it.
one of the big problems with kids today is they have no respect for history or tradition or much of anything for that matter.
 
Jun 4, 2005
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Originally posted by: fisher
Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: Pippy
My dad would have my head if my wife one day doesn't take my last name. Strefling is a dying name with only a few tens around the world (stupid WWII...) Dunno, I'd clear this up before marriage.
As much as a name meant before, in these times it means nothing. The only thing that matters is if you put value on the name and tradition. If you're doing this for your father, you might regret it.
one of the big problems with kids today is they have no respect for history or tradition or much of anything for that matter.
:roll: There's a difference in having respect for something that actually matters and respect for something worthless. Is it worth screwing up a potential marriage over a name? Hell fvcking no.
 

erikistired

Diamond Member
Sep 27, 2000
9,739
0
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Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: Specop 007
Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: Pippy
My dad would have my head if my wife one day doesn't take my last name. Strefling is a dying name with only a few tens around the world (stupid WWII...) Dunno, I'd clear this up before marriage.
As much as a name meant before, in these times it means nothing. The only thing that matters is if you put value on the name and tradition. If you're doing this for your father, you might regret it.
If 2 people are going to marry it means they want to be a family, which means they shoul dhave 1 name. It seems a bit silly to hang on to something like your name. If you want top keep your name fine, dont get married.

That said, my wife hasnt taken my name yet either and its been 1/3 years depending how you figure our marriage date.
I'm trying to say he could just as well take her name.
you want to talk about losing respect in the world, try being a man who takes his wife's last name. that would be much worse than being named spanko.
 
Jun 4, 2005
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Originally posted by: fisher
you want to talk about losing respect in the world, try being a man who takes his wife's last name. that would be much worse than being named spanko.
Wake the fvck up. This isn't a male dominant world anymore, and there's no room for sexism.
 

erikistired

Diamond Member
Sep 27, 2000
9,739
0
0
Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: fisher
Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: Pippy
My dad would have my head if my wife one day doesn't take my last name. Strefling is a dying name with only a few tens around the world (stupid WWII...) Dunno, I'd clear this up before marriage.
As much as a name meant before, in these times it means nothing. The only thing that matters is if you put value on the name and tradition. If you're doing this for your father, you might regret it.
one of the big problems with kids today is they have no respect for history or tradition or much of anything for that matter.
:roll: There's a difference in having respect for something that actually matters and respect for something worthless. Is it worth screwing up a potential marriage over a name? Hell fvcking no.
nice tramp stamp. and for a lot of people this DOES matter. just because you have no respect for anything doesn't mean everyone feels the same way. which is another problem with kids these days. and yes, if this is going to be an issue it can start a marraige off VERY BADLY. you don't want to start potential fights before you are even hitched. of course, we look at the divorce rate these days, oh wait, just something else that's completely lost respect.
 

erikistired

Diamond Member
Sep 27, 2000
9,739
0
0
Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: fisher
you want to talk about losing respect in the world, try being a man who takes his wife's last name. that would be much worse than being named spanko.
Wake the fvck up. This isn't a male dominant world anymore, and there's no room for sexism.
hehe. if you truely believe that you should talk to more women. actually just talking to women might be a good start.

edit: as someone who is married to a woman working in the professional world, i know all about it. not that actually have experience will stop you from running your mouth about it, but whatever.
 
Jun 4, 2005
19,733
1
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Originally posted by: fisher
nice tramp stamp. and for a lot of people this DOES matter. just because you have no respect for anything doesn't mean everyone feels the same way. which is another problem with kids these days. and yes, if this is going to be an issue it can start a marraige off VERY BADLY. you don't want to start potential fights before you are even hitched. of course, we look at the divorce rate these days, oh wait, just something else that's completely lost respect.
They'll be wearing the name for (hopefully) the rest of their lives. It's a big decision and I'm not surprised it might come to a disagreement. If a couple can't come to some sort of compromise over their name, what chance does their marriage have? It's a good way to see how things are gonna' go.

Also, if you'd like, you can go back in live in a time where men beat their wives in didn't let them leave the house. Is that what you want? I sure as hell don't.

Stop being so close-minded, times change and traditions die.

Originally posted by: fisher
Originally posted by: LoKe
Originally posted by: fisher
you want to talk about losing respect in the world, try being a man who takes his wife's last name. that would be much worse than being named spanko.
Wake the fvck up. This isn't a male dominant world anymore, and there's no room for sexism.
hehe. if you truely believe that you should talk to more women. actually just talking to women might be a good start.

edit: as someone who is married to a woman working in the professional world, i know all about it. not that actually have experience will stop you from running your mouth about it, but whatever.
Look back a couple decades and tell me that it hasn't changed. Sure, men still have the upper hand in a lot of positions, but that seems to be changing pretty fast. Trying to hold onto traditions like this is just ensuring the repression of women and their equality.
 

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