The Republicans finally got some good news over the weekend. The North Koreans set off a nuclear bomb. Thank God. It was so powerful it knocked the Mark Foley story right off the front page. And knocked him off the page he was on, too."
--Jay Leno
"I think this whole thing could have been nipped in the bud if somebody pulled Mark Foley aside at some point and showed him nude photos of Dennis Hastert." -
-Bill Maher
"Dennis Hastert now says that he did know about the (Mark Foley) emails, but he was unaware, he says, that they were so sexually explicit. He said, 'My God, I didn't even read the Patriot Act.'"
--Bill Maher
"This Mark Foley email thing caused quite a conflict within the two wings of the Republican Party. It seems the financially corrupt are now fighting with the sexually corrupt."
--Jay Leno
"Congress is now already taking measures to reduce incidents between congressmen and pages. For instance, congressmen are no longer allowed to hand-pick their pages from MySpace.com."
--Jay Leno
"I have the latest in the big Washington sex scandal. ... CNN is reporting that former Congressman Mark Foley's instant messages were not only sexually inappropriate, but were also full of typos. In his own defense, Foley said, 'It's hard to type with one hand.'"
--Conan O'Brien
"Earlier in the week, (ex-Rep. Mark) Foley checked himself into rehab. But according to the New York Times, many people question his alcoholism claim. That's when you know things are bad in Washington. When a congressman can't even be trusted to be a drunk."
--Jay Leno
"The good news? Florida Congressman Mark Foley has entered rehab. The bad news? Rehab is a 14-year-old boy from Pakistan."
--Jay Leno
"The big question now is what should be done with Mark Foley's seat in Congress. I say, spray it with Lysol, boil it, coat it with Bactine, and then maybe you can sit on it."
--Jay Leno
"On Rush Limbaugh yesterday, Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert said, 'We took care of Mr. Foley. We found out about it and asked him to resign.' Yeah, a year later. That's not just slow, that's FEMA slow."
--Jay Leno
"After being caught sending explicit emails to underage boys, Florida congressman Mark Foley has resigned. So his seat is up for grabs, which is what got him in trouble in the first place."
--Jay Leno
"This is like the worst thing to happen to congressional Republicans since last Thursday. .... Most people think GOP stands for Gay Old Pedophile."
--Jay Leno
"ABC is reporting that Mark Foley interrupted a vote on the House floor, stopped the House floor vote, so he could have online phone sex with a 16-year-old. Say what you want about Bill Clinton -- he could sit at his desk and have sex and work at the same time."
--Jay Leno
"Apparently, new evidence that just came out shows that former Congressman Mark Foley once engaged in Internet sex with a former page while a vote was being taken in the House. ... Apparently, instead of voting 'Aye,' Foley voted 'Oh God yes!'"
--Conan O'Brien
"Mark Foley has now checked into rehab for alcoholism. Oh, shut up. Like that's the big problem. Who cares if he's addicted to Jack Daniels? He's addicted to little Jack and little Daniel. That's the problem."
--Jay Leno
"Actually, this scandal with Foley has finally led to some bipartisan cooperation in Congress. For example, Republican leaders had to meet with Ted Kennedy to find out what's the best rehab center."
--Jay Leno
"Have you all been following this scandal in Washington with ex-Congressman Mark Foley? Well, a couple of days ago, he checked himself into rehab. .... It had gotten so bad he had to go out and develop a drinking problem."
--David Letterman
"The ex-congressman, if nothing else, is contrite. He says when he gets out of rehab, he wants a fresh start and to turn over a new page."
--David Letterman
"He spent most of his career protecting children from Internet stalkers. Turns out he was doing it so he could have them all to himself."
--Jon Stewart
--Jay Leno
"I think this whole thing could have been nipped in the bud if somebody pulled Mark Foley aside at some point and showed him nude photos of Dennis Hastert." -
-Bill Maher
"Dennis Hastert now says that he did know about the (Mark Foley) emails, but he was unaware, he says, that they were so sexually explicit. He said, 'My God, I didn't even read the Patriot Act.'"
--Bill Maher
"This Mark Foley email thing caused quite a conflict within the two wings of the Republican Party. It seems the financially corrupt are now fighting with the sexually corrupt."
--Jay Leno
"Congress is now already taking measures to reduce incidents between congressmen and pages. For instance, congressmen are no longer allowed to hand-pick their pages from MySpace.com."
--Jay Leno
"I have the latest in the big Washington sex scandal. ... CNN is reporting that former Congressman Mark Foley's instant messages were not only sexually inappropriate, but were also full of typos. In his own defense, Foley said, 'It's hard to type with one hand.'"
--Conan O'Brien
"Earlier in the week, (ex-Rep. Mark) Foley checked himself into rehab. But according to the New York Times, many people question his alcoholism claim. That's when you know things are bad in Washington. When a congressman can't even be trusted to be a drunk."
--Jay Leno
"The good news? Florida Congressman Mark Foley has entered rehab. The bad news? Rehab is a 14-year-old boy from Pakistan."
--Jay Leno
"The big question now is what should be done with Mark Foley's seat in Congress. I say, spray it with Lysol, boil it, coat it with Bactine, and then maybe you can sit on it."
--Jay Leno
"On Rush Limbaugh yesterday, Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert said, 'We took care of Mr. Foley. We found out about it and asked him to resign.' Yeah, a year later. That's not just slow, that's FEMA slow."
--Jay Leno
"After being caught sending explicit emails to underage boys, Florida congressman Mark Foley has resigned. So his seat is up for grabs, which is what got him in trouble in the first place."
--Jay Leno
"This is like the worst thing to happen to congressional Republicans since last Thursday. .... Most people think GOP stands for Gay Old Pedophile."
--Jay Leno
"ABC is reporting that Mark Foley interrupted a vote on the House floor, stopped the House floor vote, so he could have online phone sex with a 16-year-old. Say what you want about Bill Clinton -- he could sit at his desk and have sex and work at the same time."
--Jay Leno
"Apparently, new evidence that just came out shows that former Congressman Mark Foley once engaged in Internet sex with a former page while a vote was being taken in the House. ... Apparently, instead of voting 'Aye,' Foley voted 'Oh God yes!'"
--Conan O'Brien
"Mark Foley has now checked into rehab for alcoholism. Oh, shut up. Like that's the big problem. Who cares if he's addicted to Jack Daniels? He's addicted to little Jack and little Daniel. That's the problem."
--Jay Leno
"Actually, this scandal with Foley has finally led to some bipartisan cooperation in Congress. For example, Republican leaders had to meet with Ted Kennedy to find out what's the best rehab center."
--Jay Leno
"Have you all been following this scandal in Washington with ex-Congressman Mark Foley? Well, a couple of days ago, he checked himself into rehab. .... It had gotten so bad he had to go out and develop a drinking problem."
--David Letterman
"The ex-congressman, if nothing else, is contrite. He says when he gets out of rehab, he wants a fresh start and to turn over a new page."
--David Letterman
"He spent most of his career protecting children from Internet stalkers. Turns out he was doing it so he could have them all to himself."
--Jon Stewart
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