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Man Buying Obscene Veg

A

Auric

Diamond Member
So I nipped into a small, quiet market to quickly grab a few victuals. As I was checking out, a middle-aged mustachioed customer placed his selected items down on the end of the counter and with that unknowingly challenged me not to burst out laughing. There sat what were indubitably the finest specimens of veg with which to satisfy the most depraved carnal desires. There was simply no doubt. Why else would a man be buying a gourd shaped like a buttplug and a huge English cucumber with a 160 degree bend? And that's all. I've never even seen a cucumber like that before. Could he not have the decency to get some other items as cover? A degenerate prevert is one thing but a brazen degenerate prevert... well that's just too much.

artist's rendering
 
Those were for me. 😱

And I wanted him to hurry up and get home. Not roam the aisles looking for pizza rolls and cans of creamed corn. 😉
 
LOL, nice.

I've seen similar to that too, but I guess living in the San Fancisco area, it's to be expected. I saw a guy at the checkout with cucumbers and wierdly shaped sweat potatoes.
 
Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
Those were for me. 😱

And I wanted him to hurry up and get home. Not roam the aisles looking for pizza rolls and cans of creamed corn. 😉
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😱
 
Originally posted by: YOyoYOhowsDAjello
"English cucumber with a 160 degree bend"

Your drawing looks more like 90 degrees
Click to expand...
And it looks more like a pickle than a cucumber.
 
Originally posted by: YOyoYOhowsDAjello
"English cucumber with a 160 degree bend"

Your drawing looks more like 90 degrees
Click to expand...

Well it is professionally rendered in 3D with perspective so that may account for some of the discrepancy. It's not really to scale though because the 'cuke was much longer than the gourd. It truly was both freakishly long and curved. And the gourd looked, shall we say, purposely molded.

 
Originally posted by: YOyoYOhowsDAjello
"English cucumber with a 160 degree bend"

Your drawing looks more like 90 degrees
Click to expand...

my god man...this is phallic reference in dire need of support lest it be forgotten in the banal of history and you sit there in your comfy non-symbian[sp?]...questioning it's legitimacy, its integrity, questioning it relevance in a porn-obsessed world.

how dare you.

HOW DARE YOU.
 
Originally posted by: theprodigalrebel

All I see is a fleshlight and a turd.
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See, that's why I lament not having had a camera. 🙁

But then what would I do: snap and run or axe him to pose with a "thumbs up" and big shite eating grin? Maybe pantomime what he was going to do with the veg?
 
Originally posted by: Auric
But then what would I do: snap and run or axe him to pose with a "thumbs up" and big shite eating grin? Maybe pantomime what he was going to do with the veg?
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You just answered your own question.

Duh..hellooo....yeah!?!? /valley girl
 
Originally posted by: conehead433
So where's this shop? LOL
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So you want to know where to get the good stuff huh? But if I tell then it shall lose its quiet innocence as it is inundated with degenerated preverts in search of the unholy grail of gourds.

Originally posted by: Baloo
Well, such an imagination, what could possibly be on the OP's mind. me thinks he needs a boyfriend.
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Yeah, surely you're right. By the law of parsimony he was buying them for dinner and not for their freakish resemblance to sex toys. Everyone knows the most preferred cucumber is the most curved and is best served with a gourd. Actually, I learned gourd encompasses cucumber and perhaps the specific veg was, appropriately enough, a butternut squash although the specimen in question was more green than yellow. So if nothing else, it has been educational.

 
My God, OP, I hope you never go to a ball game and freak out on the hot dog vendor. :shocked:
 
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