I had a pretty decent funny happen on Friday. My grilfriend and I got a new wine opener and decided to break it in properly and put down 4 bottles of Two Buck Chuck. Then we decided to head to the hot tub since its the happening place in our apartment building on Fridays.
We go back from the hot tub and I went inside to dry off and change while the GF was feeding the dog on the patio. Just as I finished drying myself I heard a terrible shrill from the patio. I ran out to see what was going on. Apparently a huge snail had crawled out of his shell and onto Marley's (the dog) neck. The GF ahd never seen a snail out of its shell and had no idea what it was and was terrified. (side note: a snail out of its shell when viewed from more than a couple feet away somewhat resembles a bodily fluid, one that only males have). Marley could tell that the GF was freaking out and started to freak out too and was running around like he was possessed. I held him still by standing over him and using my legs like a vice to keep him from moving while I peeled the gooey snail from his neck. As I did it, I looked up to see my neighbors staring down at me from their upstairs patio. Then I realized I was standing there with absolutely no clothes, my legs wrapped around a dog, with a big pile of goo in my hand while my girlfriend screamed in terror. I think it's time to move.
We go back from the hot tub and I went inside to dry off and change while the GF was feeding the dog on the patio. Just as I finished drying myself I heard a terrible shrill from the patio. I ran out to see what was going on. Apparently a huge snail had crawled out of his shell and onto Marley's (the dog) neck. The GF ahd never seen a snail out of its shell and had no idea what it was and was terrified. (side note: a snail out of its shell when viewed from more than a couple feet away somewhat resembles a bodily fluid, one that only males have). Marley could tell that the GF was freaking out and started to freak out too and was running around like he was possessed. I held him still by standing over him and using my legs like a vice to keep him from moving while I peeled the gooey snail from his neck. As I did it, I looked up to see my neighbors staring down at me from their upstairs patio. Then I realized I was standing there with absolutely no clothes, my legs wrapped around a dog, with a big pile of goo in my hand while my girlfriend screamed in terror. I think it's time to move.
Originally posted by: Kyteland
They're not locked. They've been archived due to inactivity. All threads get archived after 90 days with no posts. You can't post in archived threads.Originally posted by: ruffilb
Why are both those threads locked?
sftoo!
You and your stupid logical answers
When I was a Senior in High School, I was taking a test and the room was dead silent. I had gas pretty bad and was trying to hold it in with all my might. I moved the wrong way in the chair and farted so loud that people didn't even know what the heck the sound was. It was really embarassing but I also couldn't stop laughing about it after it happened.
When I was 12 or 13 we had to present a saga of the Greek mythology to our class, in groups of two or three. We were free how to present it. One group made a cool film, another one lectured (yawn...)
My friend and I chose to play a little theatre about the Minotaur saga (cliffs: Hero enters maze, kills the feared Minotaur, finds the exit only thanks to a trace made of the yarn a princess gave him). For a realistic impression I crafted a bull mask and we studied a little choreography for the hero vs. monster showdown. I also decided to spice things up a bit and filled a disposable syringe with ketchup to illustrate the Minotaur's death.
Ok so the day of our presentation came and we started our play. I played the Minotaur and during the fight scene my mask shifted and I could barely see my colleague "killing" me with his sword when I lay at the bottom. I pressed the syringe and immediately the class began to laugh. I thought "cool, they like my little special effect" and countinued to press until the syringe was empty. After the end of the scene I removed the mask and OH SH!T I JUST TRANSFORMED 25 MILLILITRES OF KETCHUP INTO A 4 METER LONG MESS IN A 6 METER HIGH ROOM! I looked at my teacher, he had a blue-ish face and was fighting for his contenance. He then aborted the lesson and left the room without a further comment.
But for me it wasn't over then. I was too embarrassed to ask our janitor for a ladder. I lived near the school and in the evening I returned and sneaked in the room with a bucket and soap to remove the ketchup. Sadly it had dried in the meantime and it wasn't easy to clean. I had to stack two tables and a chair to reach the ceiling. Those who knew where to look could see the red traces of my little show for years to come.
My friend and I chose to play a little theatre about the Minotaur saga (cliffs: Hero enters maze, kills the feared Minotaur, finds the exit only thanks to a trace made of the yarn a princess gave him). For a realistic impression I crafted a bull mask and we studied a little choreography for the hero vs. monster showdown. I also decided to spice things up a bit and filled a disposable syringe with ketchup to illustrate the Minotaur's death.
Ok so the day of our presentation came and we started our play. I played the Minotaur and during the fight scene my mask shifted and I could barely see my colleague "killing" me with his sword when I lay at the bottom. I pressed the syringe and immediately the class began to laugh. I thought "cool, they like my little special effect" and countinued to press until the syringe was empty. After the end of the scene I removed the mask and OH SH!T I JUST TRANSFORMED 25 MILLILITRES OF KETCHUP INTO A 4 METER LONG MESS IN A 6 METER HIGH ROOM! I looked at my teacher, he had a blue-ish face and was fighting for his contenance. He then aborted the lesson and left the room without a further comment.
But for me it wasn't over then. I was too embarrassed to ask our janitor for a ladder. I lived near the school and in the evening I returned and sneaked in the room with a bucket and soap to remove the ketchup. Sadly it had dried in the meantime and it wasn't easy to clean. I had to stack two tables and a chair to reach the ceiling. Those who knew where to look could see the red traces of my little show for years to come.
shortylickens
No Lifer
- Jul 15, 2003
- 80,287
- 17,082
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Henry and I were giving each other sh1t.
I said something that made me sound like a weenie.
Henry: "Ohhhhh, my pussy hurts!"
Me: Your Pussy feels good.
Henry ?!?!?!?!?
I said something that made me sound like a weenie.
Henry: "Ohhhhh, my pussy hurts!"
Me: Your Pussy feels good.
Henry ?!?!?!?!?
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