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Lots of small, slightly annoying things = one major annoying thing

Alphathree33

Platinum Member
Dec 1, 2000
2,419
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For those of you who presented some advice to me a month or so ago when I was really down in the dumps about a big fight with the girlfriend... thanks. :)

Everything turned out alright, and we've had some discussion about what we can do to avoid fights... and we're currently in another, smaller one.

I guess what I want is a neutral opinion... I'm obviously not perfect, and neither is she.

Basically she's always doing things that get under my skin. If it were coming from a friend, it wouldn't bother me, but because we're together so often, these things start to become bigger deals than they should be. Does anyone else have problems like this with SOs?

For instance, she never carries cash with her. She pays with debit everywhere... including attempts to pay with debit at places that only take cash. Guess who always covers for her? Me. I'm not cheap -- I always buy her lots of things and often pay for things, but that's of my own free will. It's annoying that I'm always SUPPOSED to carry cash to bail her out. Often I'm only carrying a little bit, and that means I can't buy what I need because I end up paying for her things.

When she does have cash, she's always trying to pay with exact change, even if there's some huge line and a stressed out cashier in front of her. I know what it's like to have a lot of people staring at you impatiently, and I always feel sorry for the cashier when she does this to them. I guess I'm just more aware of the situation around me, and usually more eager to get out of it.

I realize it's stupid to get stressed out about these sorts of things -- don't sweat the small stuff, right? But it happens all the time and I mention it all the time -- carry cash, don't hold up long lines, know what you want before you get to the cashier, etc.

Obviously what she tells me is "don't get angry at me over nothing", etc.

So I guess I'd like people to take sides on the issue of "small things adding up"... (is that like asking to be flamed?... flame me then, if I deserve it)
 

Red Dawn

Elite Member
Jun 4, 2001
57,530
3
0
Man you are letting insignificant BS get to you. There must be some underlying problems for that kind of stuff to get under your skin!
 

Anubis

No Lifer
Aug 31, 2001
78,716
413
126
how old are you?

I always pay with my check card (debit) and cary a lil cash

and i pay in exact change. fusk the peopel behind me they can wait
 

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,967
16
81
I think there are other issues at work here....it's either you aren't getting the sex you want or she is not giving you the attention you want or she is not pretty/sexy enough....or it has nothing to do with her and something else inside is bothering you.

Has she specified you are supposed to have cash? Do you volunteer it?

I don't know if you every been a cashier...but I never got stressed because of slow customers, they have a right to ask questions and count their change. I'd ask them to move to the side if they had something going on that was non-standard for the line though.

If the line is long the people in it are going to bish no matter how fast it moves until they are at the register.

I think you need to take yourself out of society for a while and see how much more 'fun' it is with no one around.

Å
 

Alphathree33

Platinum Member
Dec 1, 2000
2,419
0
0
Originally posted by: Anubis
how old are you?

I always pay with my check card (debit) and cary a lil cash

and i pay in exact change. fusk the peopel behind me they can wait
Fair enough argument. I'm 20 -- why do you ask? I'm always curious if I sound particularly young or particularly old, or if you just figure I'm an idiot. Heh.

I'd like to always pay with debit/cc too -- I think eventually, that will be possible. But right now it's unrealistic to NEVER carry cash. I think having $20 in your pocket just in case is always a good idea.

I guess I'm more concerned about whether I should let these things get to me rather than whether she's right or not.
 

Richdog

Golden Member
Feb 10, 2003
1,658
0
0
Little things can irritate you worse than major things as they're usually more numerous and regular. But it's nothing that can't be talked about and sorted out with her. Do you two maybe have a communication problem? I and my father have a bit of one and I get irritated at him for the silliest little things. While we're father and son and you're partners, it's the same in principle.
 

Howard

Lifer
Oct 14, 1999
47,988
9
81
I pay with exact change ONLY if I know I have enough coins in different values AND I know what the exact price is.
 

SackOfAllTrades

Diamond Member
May 7, 2000
4,040
1
0
Originally posted by: Alphathree33

Fair enough argument. I'm 20 -- why do you ask? I'm always curious if I sound particularly young or particularly old, or if you just figure I'm an idiot. Heh.
no one under the age of 25 should be in a relationship longer than 3-5 months.
 

Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
31,569
1,255
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www.theshoppinqueen.com
WTF? I always pay via card and if I have to use cash will try to get as close to exact as I can..loose change is an annoyance,particularly in the pockrts of dress pants.
 

Alphathree33

Platinum Member
Dec 1, 2000
2,419
0
0
Originally posted by: alkemyst
I think there are other issues at work here....it's either you aren't getting the sex you want or she is not giving you the attention you want or she is not pretty/sexy enough....or it has nothing to do with her and something else inside is bothering you.

Has she specified you are supposed to have cash? Do you volunteer it?

I don't know if you every been a cashier...but I never got stressed because of slow customers, they have a right to ask questions and count their change. I'd ask them to move to the side if they had something going on that was non-standard for the line though.

If the line is long the people in it are going to bish no matter how fast it moves until they are at the register.

I think you need to take yourself out of society for a while and see how much more 'fun' it is with no one around.

&Aring;
I find her very attractive... she is an attractive girl by all standards, and very sharp in some ways, although not particularly good at analysis. If I want a good discussion, I have to go elsewhere (which is fine, I don't think relationships are about interesting discussions anyway). No problems with sex... heh. We can be competitive sometimes, but I don't see how that affects this particular qualm I have with her.

She hasn't said I'm supposed to have cash, but if I didn't then we'd always be getting into annoying situations that I'd rather avoid. Sometimes she asks, sometimes I volunteer it, as I said, I'd rather prevent the situations before they happen.

I've never been a cashier, but I have been a human being for a little while. :) I just assumed it didn't feel very good to have a long line-up waiting for you, and I've had friends tell me that, but I suppose it's a matter of personality.

I take myself out of society daily, what do you think I"m doing right now posting on ATOT? :) And aside from that I'm downloading some Linux RPMs and trying to get my website to look right in Mozilla Firebird. I like social contact but not for long durations -- I'm happy to be with people for 1 or 2 hours a day, and the rest of the time I prefer to myself to read, think, do work, or play games.
 

Anubis

No Lifer
Aug 31, 2001
78,716
413
126
Originally posted by: Alphathree33
Originally posted by: Anubis
how old are you?

I always pay with my check card (debit) and cary a lil cash

and i pay in exact change. fusk the peopel behind me they can wait
Fair enough argument. I'm 20 -- why do you ask? I'm always curious if I sound particularly young or particularly old, or if you just figure I'm an idiot. Heh.

I'd like to always pay with debit/cc too -- I think eventually, that will be possible. But right now it's unrealistic to NEVER carry cash. I think having $20 in your pocket just in case is always a good idea.

I guess I'm more concerned about whether I should let these things get to me rather than whether she's right or not.
om 22 but it sounded like you were 16, IMHO you are overreacting yes not carrying cash is annoying but there are ATMs all over the place
 

rgwalt

Diamond Member
Apr 22, 2000
7,393
0
0
The 'problem' is that you guys spend so much time together that all the annoying facits of your personalities grate on each other's nerves. Unless you both can learn to let this stuff slide, it is only going to get worse. My ex and I had the same problem. It was a contributing factor in the breakup. My advice to you is to learn to let the exact change thing slide. That is something that you should be able to easily do. Realize that she is going to do her thing no matter what. You've got to learn to let it go.

As far as carrying cash to bail her out when she doesn't have cash, my advice is to stop carrying cash yourself. Either that or you should ask her before you guys go shopping if she has money. If not, ask her if she will need cash where she plans on going, and make her go get money (or take her to get money) if she will need cash. Get her in the habit of thinking about this sort of thing. That way you won't have to bail her out.

Part of being in a loving relationship is letting these sorts of things go, and helping each other to overcome bad or annoying habits.

Best of luck.

Ryan
 

Alphathree33

Platinum Member
Dec 1, 2000
2,419
0
0
om 22 but it sounded like you were 16, IMHO you are overreacting yes not carrying cash is annoying but there are ATMs all over the place
Great -- I come off like a 16 year old. When people meet me in person they always say I seem older than I am. I guess I get to expose my true, immature self on the net.
 

Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
31,569
1,255
126
www.theshoppinqueen.com
Originally posted by: Alphathree33
om 22 but it sounded like you were 16, IMHO you are overreacting yes not carrying cash is annoying but there are ATMs all over the place
Great -- I come off like a 16 year old. When people meet me in person they always say I seem older than I am. I guess I get to expose my true, immature self on the net.
you got good advice there,whenever my dude and I go out it's a small thing to make a stop by an ATM so I can get money.He's never biatched about it and I'm certain he understands my reluctance to carry cash around the city.
 

Alphathree33

Platinum Member
Dec 1, 2000
2,419
0
0
Originally posted by: rgwalt
The 'problem' is that you guys spend so much time together that all the annoying facits of your personalities grate on each other's nerves. Unless you both can learn to let this stuff slide, it is only going to get worse. My ex and I had the same problem. It was a contributing factor in the breakup. My advice to you is to learn to let the exact change thing slide. That is something that you should be able to easily do. Realize that she is going to do her thing no matter what. You've got to learn to let it go.

As far as carrying cash to bail her out when she doesn't have cash, my advice is to stop carrying cash yourself. Either that or you should ask her before you guys go shopping if she has money. If not, ask her if she will need cash where she plans on going, and make her go get money (or take her to get money) if she will need cash. Get her in the habit of thinking about this sort of thing. That way you won't have to bail her out.

Part of being in a loving relationship is letting these sorts of things go, and helping each other to overcome bad or annoying habits.

Best of luck.

Ryan
Fair enough. Although your suggestions are very sound, I'm worried that if I start reminding her of things, that would lead to a fight too. If I were to say "do you have cash?" every time we go out, I'm sure she would get angry with me. She tends to forget her keys, and so I started reminding her every time we went out. She eventually got angry and said that I thought she was incompetent, etc. She doesn't like to be challeneged (i.e. have her ability to do something questioned)

For every bug you patch, you get ten new ones. :)
 

Red Dawn

Elite Member
Jun 4, 2001
57,530
3
0
Originally posted by: alkemyst
I think there are other issues at work here....it's either you aren't getting the sex you want or she is not giving you the attention you want or she is not pretty/sexy enough....or it has nothing to do with her and something else inside is bothering you.

Å
How the fsck were you able to determine that from the little that he posted?? LOL:D
 

Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
31,569
1,255
126
www.theshoppinqueen.com
Originally posted by: Red Dawn
Originally posted by: alkemyst
I think there are other issues at work here....it's either you aren't getting the sex you want or she is not giving you the attention you want or she is not pretty/sexy enough....or it has nothing to do with her and something else inside is bothering you.

Å
How the fsck were you able to determine that from the little that he posted?? LOL:D
he's all knowing and all seeing,you know like God or something
 

Siddhartha

Lifer
Oct 17, 1999
12,501
1
81
If you are going to let this small stuff drive you crazy maybe you should be alone.

Try not carrying extra money.
 

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,967
16
81
Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Originally posted by: Red Dawn
Originally posted by: alkemyst
I think there are other issues at work here....it's either you aren't getting the sex you want or she is not giving you the attention you want or she is not pretty/sexy enough....or it has nothing to do with her and something else inside is bothering you.

&Aring;
How the fsck were you able to determine that from the little that he posted?? LOL:D
he's all knowing and all seeing,you know like God or something
regarding my 'guess' I mentioned nothing concrete really, but there's got to be something else in the works....it's really no different than what you said with Man you are letting insignificant BS get to you. There must be some underlying problems for that kind of stuff to get under your skin! ;)

In regards to geekbabe [probably the only female AW here that hasn't shared a picture but comments everyone else's]: No if I were God somehow I think I'd have scraped the batch you came out in.

However with a listed name as Wan Goddess perhaps it's you with delusions of grandeur.

&Aring;
 

Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
31,569
1,255
126
www.theshoppinqueen.com
Originally posted by: alkemyst
Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Originally posted by: Red Dawn
Originally posted by: alkemyst
I think there are other issues at work here....it's either you aren't getting the sex you want or she is not giving you the attention you want or she is not pretty/sexy enough....or it has nothing to do with her and something else inside is bothering you.

Å
How the fsck were you able to determine that from the little that he posted?? LOL:D
he's all knowing and all seeing,you know like God or something
regarding my 'guess' I mentioned nothing concrete really, but there's got to be something else in the works....it's really no different than what you said with Man you are letting insignificant BS get to you. There must be some underlying problems for that kind of stuff to get under your skin! ;)

In regards to geekbabe [probably the only female AW here that hasn't shared a picture but comments everyone else's]: No if I were God somehow I think I'd have scraped the batch you came out in.

However with a listed name as Wan Goddess perhaps it's you with delusions of grandeur.

Å

My comment to you was meant as humor.As to my pic I've posted them numerous times in the past. I don't go out of my way to insult anybody who is brave enough to post their pic,I usually say something nice or nothing at all.I've had plenty of digs and insults over my looks over the years,I don't like making others feel the same way.
 

xSauronx

Lifer
Jul 14, 2000
19,586
4
81
Originally posted by: Red Dawn
Man you are letting insignificant BS get to you. There must be some underlying problems for that kind of stuff to get under your skin!
i say: shes female, it shall not end and it could be far far worse

oh

when my wife is in line counting out change and people are waiting, i grab her cash and give it to the cashier. everyone wins.
 

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,967
16
81
Originally posted by: Geekbabe

My comment to you was meant as humor.As to my pic I've posted them numerous times in the past. I don't go out of my way to insult anybody who is brave enough to post their pic,I usually say something nice or nothing at all.I've had plenty of digs and insults over my looks over the years,I don't like making others feel the same way.
emoticons go a looooong way in showing a joke versus just a seething b.... ;)

&Aring;
 

Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
31,569
1,255
126
www.theshoppinqueen.com
Originally posted by: alkemyst
Originally posted by: Geekbabe

My comment to you was meant as humor.As to my pic I've posted them numerous times in the past. I don't go out of my way to insult anybody who is brave enough to post their pic,I usually say something nice or nothing at all.I've had plenty of digs and insults over my looks over the years,I don't like making others feel the same way.
emoticons go a looooong way in showing a joke versus just a seething b.... ;)

Å
lol,sorry but ya gotta admit it was a good one:)
 

rgwalt

Diamond Member
Apr 22, 2000
7,393
0
0
Originally posted by: Alphathree33
Originally posted by: rgwalt
The 'problem' is that you guys spend so much time together that all the annoying facits of your personalities grate on each other's nerves. Unless you both can learn to let this stuff slide, it is only going to get worse. My ex and I had the same problem. It was a contributing factor in the breakup. My advice to you is to learn to let the exact change thing slide. That is something that you should be able to easily do. Realize that she is going to do her thing no matter what. You've got to learn to let it go.

As far as carrying cash to bail her out when she doesn't have cash, my advice is to stop carrying cash yourself. Either that or you should ask her before you guys go shopping if she has money. If not, ask her if she will need cash where she plans on going, and make her go get money (or take her to get money) if she will need cash. Get her in the habit of thinking about this sort of thing. That way you won't have to bail her out.

Part of being in a loving relationship is letting these sorts of things go, and helping each other to overcome bad or annoying habits.

Best of luck.

Ryan
Fair enough. Although your suggestions are very sound, I'm worried that if I start reminding her of things, that would lead to a fight too. If I were to say "do you have cash?" every time we go out, I'm sure she would get angry with me. She tends to forget her keys, and so I started reminding her every time we went out. She eventually got angry and said that I thought she was incompetent, etc. She doesn't like to be challeneged (i.e. have her ability to do something questioned)

For every bug you patch, you get ten new ones. :)
Ah... well, that is a problem. In that case, I guess you just have to grin and bear it. See, I need to find a woman that is smarter than I am and has her stuff together. I need to be the idiot in the relationship. It avoids these problems.

R
 

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