looking for atheist/religion quotations

[SWScorch]

Hey, I need some good quotations supporting atheism and/or debunking religion, preferably humorous. So far I have:

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

thanx

 

[rubix]

heres my small collection of them:

"The way to make a million dollars is to start a religion."
-L. Ron Hubbard, 19?? prior to founding the Church of Scientology

"If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward,
then we are a sorry lot indeed."
-Albert Einstein

"A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy,
education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would
indeed be in a oor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment
and hope of reward after death."
-Albert Einstein

"Religions are all alike - founded upon fables and mythologies."
-Thomas Jefferson

"Christianity...(has become) the most perverted system that ever shone on
man. Rogueries, absurdities and untruths were perpetrated upon the
teachings of Jesus by a large band of dupes and importers led by Paul, the
first great corrupter of the teaching of Jesus."
-Thomas Jefferson

"Religion is all bunk."
-Thomas Edison

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than
you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods,
you will understand why I dismiss yours."
-Stephen Roberts

"Religion is excellent stuff for keeping the common people quiet."
-Napoleon Bonaparte

"The study of theology, as it stands in the Christian churches, is the
study of nothing; it is founded on nothing; it rests on no principles; it
proceeds by no authority; it has no data; it can demonstrate nothing; and
it admits of no conclusion."
-Thomas Paine

"I don't think we're [here] for anything, we're just products of evolution.
You can say 'Gee, your life must be pretty bleak if you don't think
there's a purpose' but I'm anticipating a good lunch."
-Dr. James Watson, Nobel laureate Biophysicist,
co-discoverer of DNA

"It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it
is the parts that I do understand."
-Mark Twain

"I don't believe in God. My god is patriotism. Teach a man to be a good
citizen and you have solved the problem of life."
-Andrew Carnegie

"In God we rust."
-Gordon Charrick

"We found that we didn't have much problem with him [Jesus Christ], it was
his followers we found questionable."
-Graham Chapman (discussing making of "Life of Brian")

"What is religion except a way to escape from reality? It's just another
drug. I can't really tell the difference between a clan or a militia or a
church or a cult. They're all the same thing."
-Kieth Akins (Anthropolgist who infiltrated the KKK)

"Organized religion: The world's largest pyramid scheme."
-Bernard Katz

"It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to
create him."
-Arthur C. Clarke

 

[Buddhist]

"religion is the opiate of the people"

-Karl Marx

 

[gopunk]

i'm one near-death experience away from believing in god
- adam carolla

 

[SWScorch]

ooh nice ones there rubix. thanx

 

[datalink7]

<< "I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than
you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods,
you will understand why I dismiss yours."
-Stephen Roberts >>



I like this one a lot!

 

[rubix]

it is my favorite one too

 

[SWScorch]

yeah I used that one as well. Quite true.

 

[Looney]

"Religion did not civilize man; man civilized religion." - unknown

"I don't believe in God because I don't believe in Mother Goose." - Clarence Darrow

Only two that comes to mind right now.

 

[ArmenK]

there are ALOT of them here

 

[Looney]

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than
you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods,
you will understand why I dismiss yours."
-Stephen Roberts

This one is nice!!

 

[Looney]

Thanks for that site Armen, some nice ones there... wish i could get this for a bumper sticker:

"I think I'll believe in Gosh instead of God. If you don't believe in Gosh too, you'll be darned to heck." - -
anonymous

 

[Hubris]

I am an agnostic; I do not pretend to know what many ignorant men are sure of.
~ Clarence Darrow

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.
~Pacal (1817-1862)

My faith is that the only soul a man must save is his own.
~William Orville Douglas

I think a good commercial would be to show how Tide Detergent can wash the stain out of the Shroud of Turin. The slogan could be: ?Tide, more powerful than God!?
~Damon Milhelm

 

[ImTyping]

The only time I want to hear a woman spouting off about god is when I am between her legs.
-Me-

 

[Nightfall]

"The only difference between God and Adolf Hitler
is that God is more proficient at genocide."

Ain't that the truth.

 

[HardcoreRobot]

"Organized religion is a crutch for weak-minded people?." - Jesse Ventura

 

[Dedpuhl]

My favorites:

"We would be 1,500 years ahead if it hadn't been for the church dragging science back by its coattails and burning our best minds at the stake."
..........Catherine Fahringer

"The church says the earth is flat, but I know that it is round, for I have seen the shadow on the moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the church."
..........Ferdinand Magellan

"I have my own God, and I think my God finds me incredibly f##king funny. That's why I chose him as my God ... "
..........Dennis Miller

"A man without a god is like a fish without a bicycle."
..........Adapted from a quotation of feminist Gloria Steinem

"Killing for peace is like fVcking for chastity"
..........Author Unknow

"If god doesn't like the way I live, Let him tell me, not you."

The mind of the fundamentalist is like the pupil of the eye: the more light you pour on it, the more it will contract.

"Organized religion is like organized crime; it preys on peoples' weaknesses, generates huge profits for its operators, and is almost impossible to eradicate."
..........Author Unknown

"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish."
..........Author Unknown

"When in comes to bullsh#t...bigtime, major league bullsh#t...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion."
..........George Carlin

"I believe the spreading of Catholicism to be the most horrible means of political and social degradation left in the world."
..........Charles Dickens

"If 50 million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing"
..........Anatole France

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect, had intended for us to forgo their use."
..........Galileo Galilei

The last Christian died on a cross.
..........Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

"Religion has caused more misery to all men in every state of human history than any other single idea."
..........Madelyn Murray O'Hair

"I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other gods you will understand why I dismiss yours."
..........Stephen F. Roberts

"Religion is comparable to a childhood neurosis."
..........Sigmund Freud, "Future of an Illusion". 1927

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians, Your Christians are so unlike your Christ"
..........Mahatma Gandhi

"If you love God, burn a church"
..........Jello Biafra (ex-Dead Kennedys singer)

"Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy."
..........Ambrose Bierce

"If God has spoken, why is the world not convinced."
..........Percy Bysshe Shelley, English poet (1792-1822)

"Has science ever retreated? No! It is Catholicism which has always retreated before her, and will always be forced to retreat."
..........Emile Zola (1840-1902), French novelist, from Rufus K. Noyes, Views of Religion

 

[Dedpuhl]

"The early Christian rules of life were not made to last, because the early Christians did not believe that the world itself was going to last."
..........George Bernard Shaw, "Getting Married"

 

[Looney]

"If god doesn't like the way I live, Let him tell me, not you."

You have some great ones up there, but i really liked this one.

 

[Dedpuhl]

<< "If god doesn't like the way I live, Let him tell me, not you."

You have some great ones up there, but i really liked this one. >>



It is a good one. Too bad we don't know who said it originally...

 

[ImTyping]

<< "Killing for peace is like fVcking for chastity" >>


I believe Robert Heinlein said that, in the book "Time Enough for Love", one of the greatest books ever.

 

[Joemonkey]

good quote fer yer tombstone:

"here lies an atheist, all dressed up and no place to go"

 

[datalink7]

<<

<< "Killing for peace is like fVcking for chastity" >>


I believe Robert Heinlein said that, in the book "Time Enough for Love", one of the greatest books ever. >>



Heinlein is an excellent writer. I actually used something I read in "Time Enough for Love" for my senior paper that I had to write in High School. Don't know if you remember, but it was when one of the characters (don't remember... haven't read it in a long time) was talking about how laughter was never brought about by something joyful. That we always laughed to cover up some pain or suffering. Thinking about this, it seemed to be true. So I wrote a paper title "An Inquiry Into The Cause And Effect Of Laughter."

Anyway... every Heinlein book I have ever read has been good, and I suggest everyone read some of him.