Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for
baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and
somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in
love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to
himself "She'll never go for me carrying
on like that," so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and
shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and
since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he
would be late because he had to walk. On is way home, he passed a
small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off
any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and
before leaving, had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All
the way home, he 'putt-putted'. He 'putted' down one hill and he
'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt
reasonable safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She
exclaimed "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for
dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair
at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this
point he was begginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was
about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him
promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the
phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight
to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten
egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and
fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when
another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded
like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging,
he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate.
Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another
urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This
was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the
table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.
While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and
keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this
for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his
napkin.
When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his
loneliness, and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and
folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture
of innocence when his wife
walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the
dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and
yelled,
"Surprise!!"
To his shock & horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around
the table for his surprise birthday party.
