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JUNE 1, 2011
Pulp Fiction at the Drillers
Hard to believe all the new bull at the ballpark
BY KEITH SKRZYPCZAK
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7 April, 2011: A staccato thump of rotors; a chopper appears over third base and lights on the shortstop's deep infield. Looked over my shoulders for Navy Seals streaming from the upper concourse at ONEOK Field on opening night.
The training jet flyover was great. But as a taxpayer, I wonder who pays the National Guard. Drillers ticket; fine. T. Boone; great. Taxpayers, a problem.
The president was in Washington; no rock stars in town, so the kids knew who was missing. Minutes passed, excitement died. Finally, stumbling out, what the ... Electric blue, wide flank-section and extra wide, bouncy rump roast haunches and a pea head. The new Hornsby? What happened to the snout? Who shrunk his horns?
Eventually the crowd gave it up with some applause. Everybody gets a makeover. We liked the old Oprah, but when she lost her weight she lost her reason for being. Hornsby fattens up for love?
The team won the opening game, but a youngster or two got a big surprise when a "Bust a Balloon Between Your Chests" gimmick was exploded in their faces, sending at least one child to the trainer for what looked like a bloody, busted lip. It was all fun and games, while the injured kids tried to get the attention of an attended events staffer. We haven't seen that promotion since then.
4 May: Love that new emcee. Let's call him Trip Hop Low Pants. Can't imagine the Drillers' image is enhanced by this dude. Ah, the buffoon, the court jester, maybe it's a clown oufit.
7 April, 2011: A staccato thump of rotors; a chopper appears over third base and lights on the shortstop's deep infield. Looked over my shoulders for Navy Seals streaming from the upper concourse at ONEOK Field on opening night.
The training jet flyover was great. But as a taxpayer, I wonder who pays the National Guard. Drillers ticket; fine. T. Boone; great. Taxpayers, a problem.
The president was in Washington; no rock stars in town, so the kids knew who was missing. Minutes passed, excitement died. Finally, stumbling out, what the ... ? Electric blue, wide flank-section and extra wide, bouncy rump roast haunches and a pea head. The new Hornsby? What happened to the snout? Who shrunk his horns?
Eventually the crowd gave it up with some applause. Everybody gets a makeover. We liked the old Oprah, but when she lost her weight she lost her reason for being. Hornsby fattens up for love?
The team won the opening game, but a youngster or two got a big surprise when a "Bust a Balloon Between Your Chests" gimmick was exploded in their faces, sending at least one child to the trainer for what looked like a bloody, busted lip. It was all fun and games, while the injured kids tried to get the attention of an attended events staffer. We haven't seen that promotion since then.
4 May: Love that new emcee. Let's call him Trip Hop Low Pants. Can't imagine the Drillers' image is enhanced by this dude. Ah, the buffoon, the court jester, maybe it's a clown oufit. Now I get it. Looks like kin to the new Hornsby.
18 May: How about that ping-pong booty shake. Gets the crowd involved from the loins down. Dude straps on a belt with box attached to the backside. Edgy emcee Low Pants keeps the dude shakin' long past the task of popping out 16 ping-pong balls. It's so funny to see someone make a fool out of himself for a burrito. Must be these tough times.
And, wonderful thing: a baseball game broke out. In spite of all the distractions, the Drillers won and are first half contenders for the first time in ages.
23 May: My 8-year-old son gets shot, point blank, by a water gun-wielding Hornsby.
The Bull by the Horns
Chuck Lamson, former owner/GM of the Tulsa Drillers, was great at PR. Not so much smarts as he knew the baseball experience. And he earned lots of paying fans. There wasn't a game you didn't see him with an old-fashioned walkie-talkie device in hand, giving directions, answering questions, solving problems and working up a sweat. It wasn't just baseball that brought people out to the ball game. He was the peanuts, popcorn and Crackerjacks of the Drillers and the reason for the team's success and current hubris at the downtown park. A blend of the old and the new. The balance was always appropriate, not too loud, not too distracting, family fun. The American Pastime.
My wife and I have three children: 15, 13 and 8. We have season tickets and go to school downtown, so what fun for Daddy to take each of them to one of the weekday games in May.
I'm a baseball fan, so I don't like the nosey camera, I don't like slow concessions, and I have never liked mascots or clowns. But over the years, I checked my grumblings in awe of our children's inexplicable love of Hornsby, our children won me over and I became a Hornsby fan, totally. Let my guard down, trusting. My eye became childlike in search of this Drillers ambassador to my children. I'd point him out, and about the same time he was coming over to say hi to the kids.
Hornsby has never been hard to spy, nor has he had trouble catching the eye of adoring children. Except for this year. It may be the hip-hop routine; it may be the attitude, it may be the suit, it may be the contract. He works the crowd differently. Less time with the kids; more time on working out his dance routine.
My youngest and I had a great time in spite of not catching Hornsby's attention; once, right down our aisle as my son yelled and held open arms. The ox walked right past him to a couple middle-aged yackers behind us. My son looked at me in bewilderment.
As the game got better, my little guy got more tired and was ready to go. At the concourse, who did I spy but the blue dude himself. Hey, John Paul, there he is. What great timing we have. Let's go say hi! He did, to no effect. He tried again, and no response. Hornsby was deep in rap with some of his adult fans, whom I could tell, could care less for his presence.
I said, "Hornsby, there is a little guy looking for you!" Again, Hornsby, this time with an elbow to his haunches, "one of your greatest fans is right behind you!"
At that, the bull turns, produces a high-powered water pistol, and squirts my little guy once, twice, three times in the chest, from about a foot away.
For a second I was stunned. My son, in shock for a moment, wrenched up his face and began to sob. I didn't know whether to pummel the blue oaf or scoop up my son and never return. But Guest Services was a few steps away, so I grabbed my little guy's hand and we strode that direction.
Hornsby followed behind and was mooing something about not meaning to hurt him.
Picadors
Guest Services personnel must have seen it coming and immediately knew what to do. One staffer rounded up a T-shirt in trade for his wet school uniform as the other said he would get Hornsby to take his hood off and apologize, but we had to go into the stairwell for the unmasking.
When the hood came off the blathering excuses began and we heard everything but an apology. At last I told Hornsby to look at my son, to tell him you are sorry and that this will never happen again.
Then we went home. I delivered our son to his mom and brother and sister, and went back to the office to call Drillers' brass.
We've been fans too long to let an incident, even something as shocking as this, sour our love for the game. I talked to management in two sessions over the course of a week and I am satisfied by the leadership making amends, apologizing again for their stray bull. I asked for one thing, however, that they said they couldn't do.
The insides of this new character apparently is the result of a nationwide search. The actor is said to be an up and comer and won't stop until he has a major league gig. Drillers' brass said they can't afford to fire him.
However, they conceded mine has not been the only complaint. They reiterated that what I told them would have impact in how Hornsby interacts with the crowd and would not be without his "handler" from now on.
In the meantime, be on the lookout for a tamer, but still uncertain bull. It might be time for open carry of water pistols.
sportsfanatic12
Re: Pulp Fiction at the Drillers 6/ 6/2011 - 7:55pm
You are a disgrace as a writer. I love reading articles about the Drillers and their stats because it is fun to see how the players progress in the game. I came across this article thinking it would be a good one to read, but instead I find this piece of crap. The promotional staff at the Tulsa Drillers is one of the best programs I have seen in years. I am a session ticket holder every year for the past 7 years and have never seen a staff as enthusiastic and excited about their job as this staff. So what if they wanted to change Hornsby up and give him a new look. Get over it. That is not your call to make nor is it anyone elses but the promotional staff alone. Hornsby is better than ever and I will be really sad if the guy who does it next year does not live up to the high standard that Hornsby has made this session. If your son cries because he got a little water on him than you obviously do not let your son play like a boy. My son plays in water every chance he gets. Grow up and get off your high horse.
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SportsFan2011
Re: Pulp Fiction at the Drillers 6/ 4/2011 - 11:30am
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Batgirl454
Re: Pulp Fiction at the Drillers 6/ 4/2011 - 2:28am
Another point is that you and your son BOTH live in OKLAHOMA, water guns are a MUST amongst young boys, but writing articles for the URBAN obviously doesn't pay you enough to buy him a water gun. OR maybe it is your lack of testosterone to teach him to partake in such boyish activities. So my question is... Where should I send his tights and tutu?
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bball14
Re: Pulp Fiction at the Drillers 6/ 3/2011 - 11:28pm
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casey fitz
Re: Pulp Fiction at the Drillers 6/ 3/2011 - 5:08pm
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jamesjasons
Re: Pulp Fiction at the Drillers 6/ 3/2011 - 4:28pm
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raisin' cain
Re: Pulp Fiction at the Drillers 6/ 3/2011 - 4:08pm
You demanded someone's JOB, their livelihood... because they *GASP* sprayed your son 3 times with a WATER gun? (Doing EXACTLY what you were asking for... showing your son some attention!)
Those two guys go out in the heat FOR HOURS, 6-8 days in a row, away from their families, doing what they love... for THIS? Way to boost them up, buddy! I surely hope that neither of them read this. I'd hate to think that either of them would question what they do because of some whiner with his nose in the air..........
***BUT IF THEY DO - I know I'm not alone in saying that I support both FAT HORNSBY and TRIP HOP LOW PANTS. My children have had a great time at the games we've attended this year.
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TulsaT
Re: Pulp Fiction at the Drillers 6/ 3/2011 - 1:24pm
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red sox rule
Re: Pulp Fiction at the Drillers 6/ 3/2011 - 11:02am
Second of all, the Tulsa Drillers is the BEST Double A team I have seen when it comes to game entertainment. Their job is to provide entertainment for the fans between innings. They are there to boost the overall game day experience for each fan. There are many different parts to this. One is the on field promotions. This is headed by your so called "Trip Hop Low Pants." His job is to be energetic about the promotions and get the crowd into the games. He does this as good as any of them in the game. Not every person has the ability to do what he does and as good as he does it for the Drillers. Another part of the game day experience is the mascot, which brings me to my third point:
The mascot's job is to get kids involved and excited about the game. Hornsby does this as good as any other baseball mascot I have seen, and even better in my opinion. I was at this game on May 23rd. This so happened to be a game where there had to be roughly 400 kids from school groups alone. There is no way that one single mascot can meet all the kids in the park. He hears tons of screaming kids yelling his name EVERY game. He can't personally say hello to each every game. That day was a warm day, and was sprinkling at the beginning of the game. A little bit of water coming from his squirt gun isn't much different than rain water that fell on you. If anything, probably cleaner! Like bourbon Tulsa said, lighten up, it was water.
Finally, just because of a water incident is in no way a reason why the person playing Hornsby should be fired. I've got a feeling that he is one of the nicest people you will ever meet if you were to sit down with him one day. He does a fantastic job for the Tulsa Drillers. It would hurt the organization too much to loose a guy like him and what he does for them. Don't be calling for some one to be fired. How would you like if some one did that to you? It's the organization's responsibility. They know what's right for them, and if they say they can't afford to fire him then they are right. They know they have one of the best ones out there and they don't want to loose him!
The Tulsa Drillers is a place for kids and adults alike to come enjoy the game of baseball and to be entertained while they do so. They are the best out there for Double A. From management down to game day. If you don't think so, go to some other double A games. You will see that I am right.
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bourbon Tulsa
Re: Pulp Fiction at the Drillers 6/ 2/2011 - 9:38pm
When my son was eight he would have loved to tell the story that he got sprayed with water by Hornsby. Your kid cried and you demanded to see the management?
It sounds like they tried to make you happy but you felt you still needed to write a column, even after you called the team management.
Lighten up. It was water.
Three thoughts:
3. Shiner, the OP here making fun of the Dad? He would have cold-cocked that clown, then drawn down on any responding personnel, then come back with heavy machinery and demolished the stadium if he hadn't gotten his way.
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