What with the bombs and everything, we haven?t really learnt much about Britain?s big Olympic sports day. It?s almost as though the whole thing has simply gone away.
But don?t worry. Behind the headlines, the organisers are hard at work and have already made one important decision. These will be a low-carbon, sustainable, public transport Games with no provision for any car parking whatsoever at any of the major sites.
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Can you believe that? No, really. Can you honestly believe that with all the things that need to be achieved in the next seven years, the powers that be have decided that global warming is somehow the most important issue.
?Right. We need to compulsorily purchase half of east London, we need to bulldoze it, we need to get some stadiums designed, we need to find some steel that isn?t on its way to Shanghai, we need to build a whole village for the athletes and we need to ensure nobody explodes. But first things first, comrades. Are we all agreed that these Games should be car-free?? Don?t these idiots remember the Millennium Dome? Over the years, many inquiring minds have speculated on why this billion-pound umbrella failed. But there?s only one reason, really. Even if you wanted to see the multi-faith exhibits and learn how a turd was made, you couldn?t get there. Because there was no car park.
Of course, those in charge of the Olympics will say that the Games give us a chance to show the world that London is a shining beacon of environmental responsibility . . . in the same way that London was a shining beacon of multiculturalism, right up to the moment when a small group of deranged Muslims started blowing themselves up on Tube trains.
The Olympics are a test designed to quantify and celebrate human physical achievement. They are not an opportunity for a bunch of stupid, left-wing, weird-beard failures to make political points.
The woolly-pully brigade will be so busy over the next seven years ensuring that the Games are eco-friendly that they?ll forget to build a running track. And the health and safety department will outlaw the swimming pool on the basis that someone might drown
Jeremy Clarkson
I make this prediction now. The woolly-pully brigade will be so busy over the next seven years ensuring that the Games are eco-friendly that they?ll forget to build a running track. And the health and safety department will outlaw the swimming pool on the basis that someone might drown.
This will make Britain a laughing stock in the eyes of the whole world, so consequently we must quickly find something else to crow about. And that brings me neatly on to the Aston Martin V8 Vantag
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