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No Lifer
here ya go
and i'll paste the first page for the lazy.
Deathmatch, Julia Roberts-style
America's most bankable female movie star confesses that she is a hardcore shoot-'em-up gamer. What does this mean?
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By Wagner James Au
June 23, 2003 |
MY FAVORITE GAME
Julia Roberts: "Halo"
-- Entertainment Weekly, "100 Greatest Videogames," May 9 issue
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"We received your interview request for Julia Roberts. Unfortunately, she is not available. Thank you."
-- Julia Roberts' publicist
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Daypass sponsored by
Julia Roberts' weapon of choice is the M19 SSM rocket launcher. Not the zippiest firearm in the toolkit, sure, and does diddly in close-up melee action. But it's got a double-barrel rocket payload, and pound for pound, it punches like a mofo. Julia Roberts' favorite trick during multiplayer capture-the-flag matches is to camp near the team banner from a high vantage point and wait until the other side's closing in. And at the last possible second, when they're right about to nab it, pop out in the open with that hand cannon and...
"Dance, ya little bitches, dance!" Julia Roberts hoots, as the blast impact flings three opponent squaddies airborne. Her whole wiry body explodes off the Eames couch in the Emperor's Suite at the Peninsula Hotel, and she jabs her middle finger at the 64-inch plasma flatscreen, as their crispy corpses hit the ground like rag dolls.
Ms. Roberts is trying to live a normal life, according to People magazine's latest 50 Most Beautiful People issue, and in it, Denzel Washington says, amazed, "You'd be amazed how down to earth she really is." But he's not amazed now, because he's been trying to get her bony ass off the couch for the last five minutes.
"One more round before lunch, Denzy!" But Denzel is all, "Girl, don't even tell me you've been on this thing all day!" Denzel Washington tosses his controller on the couch so he can flick a bit of invisible dust off his Hugo Boss and roll his eyes. I mean, goddamn. Woman's worse than my kids and their Game Boy Station, or whatever the hell they call it.
Up Sunset, Jennifer Garner huffs and then heaves her copy of Entertainment Weekly into the back wall of the Viper Room. She cannot believe her bitch publicist got her to tell the EW stringer that "Ms. Pac Man" was her favorite videogame. This article was supposed to get her in tight with her geek boy "Alias"/"Daredevil" fan base, but then here comes Miss Thing all talking about "Halo," some intense, blowing-crap-up deal, while there she is naming some old school, girly-girl arcade game every female in the whole damn world has played.
Once again, she thinks, clenching her fists, America's sweetheart has preempted us all. Damn Julia Roberts and her Xbox, Jennifer Garner seethes, damn her.
But over in Cambridge, Mass., a shambly professor with twinkly eyes rummages through the pile of PlayStation cartridges and an ungraded stack of term papers on Baudrillard, to fish out his own copy of Entertainment Weekly.
"It seems that Ms. Roberts' appreciation for 'Halo' presages a new era in popular culture," gaming academic Professor Henry Jenkins declaims to himself, as he peers out on the MIT quad. "Especially inasmuch as the game is a 'hardcore' title, in the lingua franca of the subculture: a gamer's game, as it were. Consider what it means for a figure so unlike the entrenched stereotype of the 'geek' or 'nerd,' to be one. It is perhaps even more significant and unexpected than Vin Diesel's recent self-outing as a Dungeons & Dragons fanatic -- since, it must be said, the action star resembles a half-orc already. But returning to Ms. Roberts: Here we see a leading, beloved light of the grandfather medium, the princess of mainstream acceptability, finding herself drawn to, and to a certain extent shaped by, our nascent interactive medium. This represents a cultural shift of epic meaning."*
"And good gracious," Professor Jenkins adds, glancing once more at the photo on the marked page in EW, "What a hottie!"
Next page | "How does it feel, Julia," Oprah Winfrey soon purrs, "when you 'frag' someone?"
1, 2
and i'll paste the first page for the lazy.
Deathmatch, Julia Roberts-style
America's most bankable female movie star confesses that she is a hardcore shoot-'em-up gamer. What does this mean?
- - - - - - - - - - - -
By Wagner James Au
June 23, 2003 |
MY FAVORITE GAME
Julia Roberts: "Halo"
-- Entertainment Weekly, "100 Greatest Videogames," May 9 issue
- - - - - - - - - - - -
"We received your interview request for Julia Roberts. Unfortunately, she is not available. Thank you."
-- Julia Roberts' publicist
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Daypass sponsored by
Julia Roberts' weapon of choice is the M19 SSM rocket launcher. Not the zippiest firearm in the toolkit, sure, and does diddly in close-up melee action. But it's got a double-barrel rocket payload, and pound for pound, it punches like a mofo. Julia Roberts' favorite trick during multiplayer capture-the-flag matches is to camp near the team banner from a high vantage point and wait until the other side's closing in. And at the last possible second, when they're right about to nab it, pop out in the open with that hand cannon and...
"Dance, ya little bitches, dance!" Julia Roberts hoots, as the blast impact flings three opponent squaddies airborne. Her whole wiry body explodes off the Eames couch in the Emperor's Suite at the Peninsula Hotel, and she jabs her middle finger at the 64-inch plasma flatscreen, as their crispy corpses hit the ground like rag dolls.
Ms. Roberts is trying to live a normal life, according to People magazine's latest 50 Most Beautiful People issue, and in it, Denzel Washington says, amazed, "You'd be amazed how down to earth she really is." But he's not amazed now, because he's been trying to get her bony ass off the couch for the last five minutes.
"One more round before lunch, Denzy!" But Denzel is all, "Girl, don't even tell me you've been on this thing all day!" Denzel Washington tosses his controller on the couch so he can flick a bit of invisible dust off his Hugo Boss and roll his eyes. I mean, goddamn. Woman's worse than my kids and their Game Boy Station, or whatever the hell they call it.
Up Sunset, Jennifer Garner huffs and then heaves her copy of Entertainment Weekly into the back wall of the Viper Room. She cannot believe her bitch publicist got her to tell the EW stringer that "Ms. Pac Man" was her favorite videogame. This article was supposed to get her in tight with her geek boy "Alias"/"Daredevil" fan base, but then here comes Miss Thing all talking about "Halo," some intense, blowing-crap-up deal, while there she is naming some old school, girly-girl arcade game every female in the whole damn world has played.
Once again, she thinks, clenching her fists, America's sweetheart has preempted us all. Damn Julia Roberts and her Xbox, Jennifer Garner seethes, damn her.
But over in Cambridge, Mass., a shambly professor with twinkly eyes rummages through the pile of PlayStation cartridges and an ungraded stack of term papers on Baudrillard, to fish out his own copy of Entertainment Weekly.
"It seems that Ms. Roberts' appreciation for 'Halo' presages a new era in popular culture," gaming academic Professor Henry Jenkins declaims to himself, as he peers out on the MIT quad. "Especially inasmuch as the game is a 'hardcore' title, in the lingua franca of the subculture: a gamer's game, as it were. Consider what it means for a figure so unlike the entrenched stereotype of the 'geek' or 'nerd,' to be one. It is perhaps even more significant and unexpected than Vin Diesel's recent self-outing as a Dungeons & Dragons fanatic -- since, it must be said, the action star resembles a half-orc already. But returning to Ms. Roberts: Here we see a leading, beloved light of the grandfather medium, the princess of mainstream acceptability, finding herself drawn to, and to a certain extent shaped by, our nascent interactive medium. This represents a cultural shift of epic meaning."*
"And good gracious," Professor Jenkins adds, glancing once more at the photo on the marked page in EW, "What a hottie!"
Next page | "How does it feel, Julia," Oprah Winfrey soon purrs, "when you 'frag' someone?"
1, 2
