The Human-Liger Wars
23,312 BC- the dark star of a thousand millinium shone in the night sky, building a craze inside the lions, an uncontrolable urge to travel towards the lands of the tigers. In a place too terrible to utter, a lion and a tiger mate. The result is Vartramitos, the first Liger.
23,200 BC- Vartramitos begins to gather his armies deep in the ocean.
23,125 BC- Cave Man-Dinosaur Wars begin
23,075 BC- Deep in the Ocean, The Ligers score a great victory over an Octopus Army.
23,030 BC- Eknok, humanities only hope, is born.
23,010 BC- Eknok becomes one with the Harpoon.
23,002 BC- Ligers ascend to land. The first human tribe falls at the Battle of Caveman Rock.
23,001 BC- Ligers advance over most of the Earth, defeating Human and Dinosaur armies as they go. Eknok becomes the first man to kill a Liger with his bare hands. The Ligers score so many victories because of their combination of being 10 times as strong as a dinosaur, and twice as smart as a human.
23,000 BC- In desperation, the scattered human tribes make an alliance of necessity with the dinosaurs.
22,999 BC- Ligers, fearing this new alliance, makes every effort to destroy the dinosaur army.
22,998 BC- The Army of Vartramitos nears the Dinosaur capital. The divided humans refuse to send help. Only Eknok and his followers stand with the dinosaurs.
22,997 BC- With defeat nearing, the dinosaurs bravely sacrifice themselves to save Eknok and his tribe. Vartramitos takes the Dinosaur Capital.
22,996 BC- The Ligers consolidate their hold over the Pacific Ocean. Girls join the Liger forces.
22,995 BC- The defeated human tribes go into hiding. Only Eknok remains undefeated.
22,994 BC- Vartramitos ascends the dark throne and declares himself ruler of the Earth.
22,993 BC- A son is born to Vartramitos. He is named Nefario, the Dark Liger.
22,992 BC- The last animals of Earth are rounded up into concentration camps and exterminated one by one. Vartramitos begins a campaign to root the humans out from hiding. The future looks bleak.
22,991 BC- Eknok, with help from the Biblical hero David, gives the first defeat to a Liger army.
22,990 BC- The last tribes of Mankind rally around Eknok, forming a Grand Human Army.
22,989 BC- Vartramitos begins the final campaign against the Humans.
22,988 BC- Humans discover sea power. a second front is opened against the Ligers in the Pacific Ocean.
22,987 BC- Humans invent fire. Ligers begin to die by the thousands.
22,986 BC- The Final Battle. Vartramitos makes the final attack against Eknok and his Grand Human Army. They almost succeed in destroying the humans through sheer weight in numbers when Eknok launches his secret weapon: the catapult. The Ligers, now all gathered onto a giant catapult in the middle of the battlefield are shot far into space. Vartramitos' last words before being catapulted are "Death is but a door, time is but a window, I'll be back."
22,985 BC- The last of the Ligers are led by Nefario deep into the Earth's core. Nefario vows revenge upon the line of Eknok.
22,983 BC- Eknok invents time travel.
22,980 BC- Humans become the Lords of Planet Earth. the animals are all freed.
22,975 BC- Eknok declares everyday a holiday. Later rescinded.
22,970 BC- After a great reign, Eknok dies as the King of the Humans.
15,000 BC- Vartramitos conquers Outer Space.
10,000 BC- God floods the Earth. Conspicuously absent on Noah's boat are two Ligers. Rumors begin that they are gone forever.
3,000 BC- Moses preaches that girls are evil.
1,500 BC- Octopi once again rule the Ocean.
0- Christ born.
200 AD- Romans discover evidence that the Ligers are regrouping. In response Ligers sow the seeds of the fall of the Roman Empire.
800 AD- Ligers steal Kubraday from humans, a secret day between Friday and Saturday.
1400 AD- Genghiz Khan, who was really a Liger, attempts to conquer Planet Earth.
1862 AD- Robert E. Lee defeats Ligers in secret war in the Confederacy.
1900 AD- Chef Boyardee moves to America
1939 AD- Ligers begin World War II. I mean the Germans start World War II.
1945 AD- Ligers ally with communists.
1967 AD- Ligers begin limited campaign against America in Vietnam.
1986 AD- Shemp, successor to Eknok, is born.
1990 AD- MC Hammer releases his hit album, "Please Hammer, Don't hurt 'em"
1992 AD- Bill Clinton elected to President of the United States by sucking up to Liger special interest groups.
1994 AD- Chef Boyardee's Ravioli is awesome.
1995 AD- Nefario and the new Liger army returns to the surface.
1996 AD- Bob Dole attempts to reunite the humans against the Liger menace but heroically fails.
1997 AD- Ligers invade France. French forces fight hard against the Ligers. Just kidding. The French suck. Also, Shemp wins control of the Four Square in epic combat.
1998 AD- Ligers sneak attack Japan. The irony escapes the Japanese.
1999 AD- Girls sabotage human forces, precipitating Liger victories.
2000 AD- Octopus army is destroyed by Liger armies once again. The Ocean belongs to the Liger.
2001 AD- Nefario summons Vartramitos to return. The immortal Liger King walks the Earth once more.
2002 AD- Vartramitos declares the state of Ligeria and reclaims the Dark Throne. Vartramitos also throws his hat into the California recall election, on a pro-immigration platform.
2003 AD- Shemp forms the ALA. The 2nd War begins.
The future is up to you!