- Sep 19, 2000
- 10,277
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I have an overweight roommate this semester that suffers from depression. Sometimes he makes comments like "We are such losers, it's Friday night and we are playing computer games." and "Another of my friends is getting married, you know, I'm getting sick of it."
Now me, I enjoy some nice alone time every so often, but I believe he gets way too much of it. Sometimes he comes off abrasively which makes it ever so hard for him to have a relationship.
Now, what can I do to help this guy, or at least how should I respond when he says things like that above? Mostly I have just kind of nodded, smiled and said "mmmhmm" and tried to stay neutral. I'm fairly certain I could get on his bad side quickly so I have been treading very lightly (after all, I have to live with him until april)
So far, he has not been on any dates this semester (we are 3 weeks in) and doesn't really have many prospects.
*update* Read this on his facebook account.
Now me, I enjoy some nice alone time every so often, but I believe he gets way too much of it. Sometimes he comes off abrasively which makes it ever so hard for him to have a relationship.
Now, what can I do to help this guy, or at least how should I respond when he says things like that above? Mostly I have just kind of nodded, smiled and said "mmmhmm" and tried to stay neutral. I'm fairly certain I could get on his bad side quickly so I have been treading very lightly (after all, I have to live with him until april)
So far, he has not been on any dates this semester (we are 3 weeks in) and doesn't really have many prospects.
*update* Read this on his facebook account.
Well, its been almost a month since I've written anything and some recent problems of mine have got me thinking. One of the main questions I have had lately is just what am I doing in Rexburg. I was so sure that everything was going to be great as soon as I got to school here, but I guess that was really just wishful thinking because I am having so many problems, I don't even think I can name them all. But I am going to try.
Well anybody that knows me at all knows I battle depression heavily. It has gotten bad since I have been here, only instead of going away, it just keeps getting worse. I have so many things that are driving me insane and dragging me down, and the problem of it is that its all on my head how I am feeling, but the flip side to that coin is that no matter how hard I try, I keep having problems. I just don't know if its worth fighting anymore, I don't feel like I belong anymore, the people here are so much better than I am. Sometimes I feel like I am trapped, like there's no getting out. Then at other times I am sitting in a room full of people and yet I feel so far away because I just don't fit in. I don't know why, maybe I'm too fat, too ugly, too stupid, not funny enough, too much of a jerk, but the point is that this is how I feel that people view me. And it seems nothing I can do changes it, I just keep feeling that way.
I thought things would be different here, I figured new place, new Jared. Problem is same old insecure, low self-esteem, no self-confidence Jared is still here. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm drifting away from everybody and evrything. I think I have alienated my FHE sisters to the point to where I am sure none of them really want me around anymore. I just feel like letting it all go and giving up.
Then there comes back my whole thing of being tired of being single. I graduated with 9 or 10 other guys who are mormon, all but one of them is married now. I am tired of being single, now guys who I grew up with who are like 3 years younger than I am are getting married. I am 23 and have had fewer than 5 meaningful relationships. I can honestly say I have only loved one girl in my life (other than my mother), but I let her slip through my fingers because I couldn't tell her because I was scared.
See here's the thing, I was once told that when people look at me, they think I can be slightly intimidating. People hang out with me and think I am hardened and bitter, they think I can handle things, here's the truth I can't. For as mean as I look, or hardened as I look, the truth remains that I am scared. I am scared that I will end up single for the rest of my life. I am scared that I will be rejected by everyone I know because of the problems I have. But most of all I am scared of failing. People look at me and see this gruff exterior, but truth be told, I spend a fair of time crying and feeling sorry for myself, my whole exterior is just a mask, the real Jared knows nothing and doesn't want to admit it. The real Jared knows he is fat, has bad teeth, isn't good looking, just can't bring himself to do anything about it. The real Jared just wants to fit in. The real Jared is scared.