DigDog
Lifer
- Jun 3, 2011
- 13,473
- 2,108
- 126
i watched THE MUMMY ! - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2345759/reference
ok, so.
ermmm.. i'm not sure if i can describe it.
is it bad? yes, it's bad. is it so bad it's good? kinda.
Tom Cruise is a good guy. He's sargent major whatever but he likes to steal important archaeological stuff during his time in iran / iraq / whatever. He's doing his stealy bit when a bomb uncovers the tomb of the mummy and the mummy comes alive.
The guy from New Girl (Jake Johnson, who is absolutely horrid and should never be cast in anything) is a zombie sidekick.
the mummy does some mind tricks on Tom because she wants him to ... marry her or something, which is a really evil plot.
Tom falls in love with a girl he basically has zero attraction for. This makes the mummy mad.
There is a lot of car chasing and action, but eventually the mummy and Tom are captured by Russel Crowe (fat) who is none other than Dr Jeckyll and Mr Hyde. (no werewolves or frankensteins in sight yet)
Basically the mummy breaks loose and .. i dont know, Tom cruise does his thing where he runs .. and finally he is alone in a room with the bad g.. girl? ye, the bad girl. the mummy.
So the mummy is like, GLORY TO SETH AND ETERNAL LIFE etc and Tom stabs himself with a dagger and because of some complicated rules of magic laid down in the story, but in a way that no sane person could follow, he wins.
I think the zombie sidekick helps him win at some point because the power of friendship.
There is a TON of stuff happening, the film script must have been 300 pages long. Every section has its own flavor and you never know if it's a comedy, an action film, horror ..
Because The Mummy is a join effort of several people with no direction at all, some bits are good, some are bad, and the whole shebang is just badly mixed together. Too long, too disjointed, too mundane, a big pot of i have seen it before mixed with as many bio-zombie-creature sound effects they could afford.
Back in the day, i went to see The Scorpion King and i had fun, even though the movie is stupid. The previous The Mummy with the idiot, brendan frasier, was likewise a crappy popcorn film for 15yo kids, that could in a pinch fill a boring midweek day.
this film is neither of those. it can have some immediate entertainment value just for the sheer fuckton of stuff thrown in it, and some of it is bound to amuse, but as a finished product, it's shit.
i couldn't help myself using two whole curse words in one post but there is no other way i could express myself. it's ok, i haven't had a infraction in over a year.
don't watch it.
my rating: 4/10 - watch The Great Wall or even King Arthur instead.
ok, so.
ermmm.. i'm not sure if i can describe it.
is it bad? yes, it's bad. is it so bad it's good? kinda.
Tom Cruise is a good guy. He's sargent major whatever but he likes to steal important archaeological stuff during his time in iran / iraq / whatever. He's doing his stealy bit when a bomb uncovers the tomb of the mummy and the mummy comes alive.
The guy from New Girl (Jake Johnson, who is absolutely horrid and should never be cast in anything) is a zombie sidekick.
the mummy does some mind tricks on Tom because she wants him to ... marry her or something, which is a really evil plot.
Tom falls in love with a girl he basically has zero attraction for. This makes the mummy mad.
There is a lot of car chasing and action, but eventually the mummy and Tom are captured by Russel Crowe (fat) who is none other than Dr Jeckyll and Mr Hyde. (no werewolves or frankensteins in sight yet)
Basically the mummy breaks loose and .. i dont know, Tom cruise does his thing where he runs .. and finally he is alone in a room with the bad g.. girl? ye, the bad girl. the mummy.
So the mummy is like, GLORY TO SETH AND ETERNAL LIFE etc and Tom stabs himself with a dagger and because of some complicated rules of magic laid down in the story, but in a way that no sane person could follow, he wins.
I think the zombie sidekick helps him win at some point because the power of friendship.
There is a TON of stuff happening, the film script must have been 300 pages long. Every section has its own flavor and you never know if it's a comedy, an action film, horror ..
Because The Mummy is a join effort of several people with no direction at all, some bits are good, some are bad, and the whole shebang is just badly mixed together. Too long, too disjointed, too mundane, a big pot of i have seen it before mixed with as many bio-zombie-creature sound effects they could afford.
Back in the day, i went to see The Scorpion King and i had fun, even though the movie is stupid. The previous The Mummy with the idiot, brendan frasier, was likewise a crappy popcorn film for 15yo kids, that could in a pinch fill a boring midweek day.
this film is neither of those. it can have some immediate entertainment value just for the sheer fuckton of stuff thrown in it, and some of it is bound to amuse, but as a finished product, it's shit.
i couldn't help myself using two whole curse words in one post but there is no other way i could express myself. it's ok, i haven't had a infraction in over a year.
don't watch it.
my rating: 4/10 - watch The Great Wall or even King Arthur instead.
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