From: Sandy Clause, Sandy@Clausenet.com December 14
My dearest darling Nick:
Where on earth did you find a real partridge in a pear
tree? Thank you a hundred times!
All my love forever,
Sandy
=======================================================
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 15
Dearest Nick:
I received your sweet gift. Imagine: two turtle doves!
They're adorable. Thanks again!
Love always,
Sandy
=======================================================
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 16
Dear Nick:
Aren't you the extravagant one. I don't deserve such
generosity, three French hens!
Love,
Sandy
=======================================================
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 17
Dear Nick:
Today I got the four calling birds. Now really,
they're beautiful, but isn't that a bit too romantic?
Affectionately,
Sandy
=======================================================
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 18
Dearest Nick:
What a surprise. Today the UPS delivered five golden
rings, one for every finger. Just in time, as those
birds squawking were starting to get on my nerves, and
I was beginning to wonder about you!
Love,
Sandy
=======================================================
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 19
Dear Nick:
When I opened the door today there were six geese
laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds
again? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep
them? The neighbors are complaining. Please stop.
Cordially,
Sandy
=======================================================
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 20
Nick:
What's with you and freaking birds?? Seven swans a
swimming. What kind of joke is this? There's bird poop
everywhere. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous
wreck. It's not funny.
So stop!
Sandy
=======================================================
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 21
O.K. Buster:
What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a milking?
It's not enough with all those birds, they had to
bring their cows! There's manure everywhere and I
can't move in my own house. Just lay off, smartass.
Sandy
=======================================================
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 22
Hey Bonehead:
What are you...some kind of sadist? Now there's nine
pipers playing and I mean playing! They haven't
stopped chasing those maids since they got here. The
cows are upset and they're stepping all over those
screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors
want me evicted. What were you thinking?!
=======================================================
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 23
You rotten jerk:
Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I say
"ladies." They've been fooling around with those
pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and
they've got diarrhea. The Commissioner of Buildings
has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building
shouldn't be condemned. I'm calling the police on you.
=======================================================
Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 24
Listen you "#$%&*^#"
Great, now there's eleven lords a leaping on those
maid and ladies. All twenty-three of the birds have
been trampled to death in the orgy. The pipers have
even started getting the cows into the action. I hope
you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine!!!
Your sworn enemy
=======================================================
Elves Toymaker, Esq.EToymaker@Elvestoymaker.com
December 25
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve
fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict
on our client, Ms. Sandy Clause. The destruction of
her property and peace of mind was, of course, total.
All correspondence should come to our attention.
Should you attempt to locate or contact Ms. Clause at
the sanitarium where she now resides, the attendants
have been instructed to have you shot on sight.
My dearest darling Nick:
Where on earth did you find a real partridge in a pear
tree? Thank you a hundred times!
All my love forever,
Sandy
=======================================================
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 15
Dearest Nick:
I received your sweet gift. Imagine: two turtle doves!
They're adorable. Thanks again!
Love always,
Sandy
=======================================================
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 16
Dear Nick:
Aren't you the extravagant one. I don't deserve such
generosity, three French hens!
Love,
Sandy
=======================================================
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 17
Dear Nick:
Today I got the four calling birds. Now really,
they're beautiful, but isn't that a bit too romantic?
Affectionately,
Sandy
=======================================================
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 18
Dearest Nick:
What a surprise. Today the UPS delivered five golden
rings, one for every finger. Just in time, as those
birds squawking were starting to get on my nerves, and
I was beginning to wonder about you!
Love,
Sandy
=======================================================
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 19
Dear Nick:
When I opened the door today there were six geese
laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds
again? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep
them? The neighbors are complaining. Please stop.
Cordially,
Sandy
=======================================================
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 20
Nick:
What's with you and freaking birds?? Seven swans a
swimming. What kind of joke is this? There's bird poop
everywhere. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous
wreck. It's not funny.
So stop!
Sandy
=======================================================
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 21
O.K. Buster:
What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a milking?
It's not enough with all those birds, they had to
bring their cows! There's manure everywhere and I
can't move in my own house. Just lay off, smartass.
Sandy
=======================================================
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 22
Hey Bonehead:
What are you...some kind of sadist? Now there's nine
pipers playing and I mean playing! They haven't
stopped chasing those maids since they got here. The
cows are upset and they're stepping all over those
screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors
want me evicted. What were you thinking?!
=======================================================
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 23
You rotten jerk:
Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I say
"ladies." They've been fooling around with those
pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and
they've got diarrhea. The Commissioner of Buildings
has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building
shouldn't be condemned. I'm calling the police on you.
=======================================================
Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 24
Listen you "#$%&*^#"
Great, now there's eleven lords a leaping on those
maid and ladies. All twenty-three of the birds have
been trampled to death in the orgy. The pipers have
even started getting the cows into the action. I hope
you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine!!!
Your sworn enemy
=======================================================
Elves Toymaker, Esq.EToymaker@Elvestoymaker.com
December 25
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve
fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict
on our client, Ms. Sandy Clause. The destruction of
her property and peace of mind was, of course, total.
All correspondence should come to our attention.
Should you attempt to locate or contact Ms. Clause at
the sanitarium where she now resides, the attendants
have been instructed to have you shot on sight.
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