Dear Santa,
I wud lika a kool toy spce ranjur for Xmas.
Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend
BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare.
How about I send you a fvcking book so you can learn to read and write?
I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least he can spell.
Santa
******************************************************
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing
I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
*****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
Please see what you can do.
Love Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid
mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream.
Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I.
Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay .
Santa
*****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I
left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart
in my face when riding in the sleigh.
Do me a favor . Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
******************************************************
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are
you busy making toys?
Your friend
Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where
I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films.
I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of
cocktail waitresses while losing money at the crap table.
Hey , you wanted to know
Santa
*******************************************************
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know
when we're awake, like the song?
Love,
Jessica.
Dear Jessica
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.
I'm skipping your house.
Santa
****************************************************
Dear Santa,
Can I please, please, please, please, please have a pupppy?
Your friend Timmy.
Timmy,
That whiney begging sh!t may work with your folks,
but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting
a sweater again.
Santa
****************************************************
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky
Dear Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school.
Second, you don'tlive in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex.
Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
I wud lika a kool toy spce ranjur for Xmas.
Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend
BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare.
How about I send you a fvcking book so you can learn to read and write?
I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least he can spell.
Santa
******************************************************
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing
I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
*****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
Please see what you can do.
Love Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid
mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream.
Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I.
Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay .
Santa
*****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I
left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart
in my face when riding in the sleigh.
Do me a favor . Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
******************************************************
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are
you busy making toys?
Your friend
Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where
I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films.
I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of
cocktail waitresses while losing money at the crap table.
Hey , you wanted to know
Santa
*******************************************************
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know
when we're awake, like the song?
Love,
Jessica.
Dear Jessica
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.
I'm skipping your house.
Santa
****************************************************
Dear Santa,
Can I please, please, please, please, please have a pupppy?
Your friend Timmy.
Timmy,
That whiney begging sh!t may work with your folks,
but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting
a sweater again.
Santa
****************************************************
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky
Dear Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school.
Second, you don'tlive in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex.
Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
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