Lawyer jokes galore (Stolen by Brutuskend)

Brutuskend

Lifer
Apr 2, 2001
26,558
4
0
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Removable wingtips.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?
One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.

Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.


What happened to the lawyer who was thrown out of a saloon?
He was disbarred.

What type of apparel is the most popular with lawyers?
Law-suits.

What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?
A doberman.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
The pronunciation.

What did the terrorist that hijacked a jumbo-jet full of lawyers do?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.

What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator.

What does a lawyer do after sex?
Pays the bill.

What does a lawyer use for birth-control?
His personality.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb . . .

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.

What are lawyers good for?
They make used car salesmen look good

How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only three. The rest are true stories.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?

Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
It's called, Sosumi.

Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of lawyers on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
They both look good hanging from a tree.

 

tk149

Diamond Member
Apr 3, 2002
7,256
1
0
What do you call a thousand lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start.
 

DnetMHZ

Diamond Member
Apr 10, 2001
9,827
1
81
If you saw a Lawyer drowning in a pool would you
a) Go see a movie, or
b) Take a nap






b) because if the movie sucks, you can nap in the theatre

*rim shot*