Late Night Advice Thread

[melly]

Something troubling you? Mind boggled?

Here's an example...

Dear Melly,

I went out in -37 Celcius weather tonight and waited in line a half hour to get into a club. I shook my tailfeather and had fun, but will I get sick?


Signed,
Melly

~~~

Dear Melly,

You might not get sick, but then again you might.


Signed,
Melly

 

[minendo]

Late Night Advice Thread

Why don't women drivers take responsibility for their actions?

 

[poopygood]

Originally posted by: minendo

Late Night Advice Thread

Why don't women drivers take responsibility for their actions?

keyword in question is your answer.

 

[melly]

Originally posted by: minendo

Late Night Advice Thread

Why don't women drivers take responsibility for their actions?

Dear Minendo,

I believe that there are many terrible drivers out there, regardless of sex. That is to say, even if they aren't having sex in the car, they are still terrible.

Signed,
Melly

 

[ElFenix]

dear melly


i have a cold, can you help?

pleasantries and niceties,
elfenix

 

[melly]

Originally posted by: ElFenix
dear melly


i have a cold, can you help?

pleasantries and niceties,
elfenix

Dear El Coldo,

Unfortunately, I cannot....I'm so hot, I'm cool. Did I just rip off the Pop Tarts commercial?


Signed,
Melly

 

[thirtythree]

dear melly,

what do silly little teenagers do on dates?


signed,
me

 

[TheToOTaLL]

Dear Melly,

Do you have a video/pics of you shaking your tailfeather?

Curious,
thetootall

 

[Excelsior]

Dear Melly,

I am currently experiencing a painful discharge of some green, pus-like substance from my penis. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Excelsior

 

[TheToOTaLL]

Originally posted by: Excelsior
Dear Melly,

I am currently experiencing a painful discharge of some green, pus-like substance from my penis. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Excelsior

:Q

Google, dammit!

 

[Excelsior]

Originally posted by: TheToOTaLL

Originally posted by: Excelsior
Dear Melly,

I am currently experiencing a painful discharge of some green, pus-like substance from my penis. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Excelsior

:Q

Google, dammit!

 

[KLin]

Originally posted by: TheToOTaLL

Originally posted by: Excelsior
Dear Melly,

I am currently experiencing a painful discharge of some green, pus-like substance from my penis. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Excelsior

:Q

Google, dammit!

 

[melly]

Originally posted by: Deslocke
dear melly,

what do silly little teenagers do on dates?


signed,
me

Dear You,

Silly little teenagers dress up like skanks (or wannabe rappers if they're males), call up a bunch of their friends, and go to the cinema together. Note, they do not actually buy tickets, they just go to the cinema. There, they block all of the doorways while smoking their cigarrettes, and lose all track of time.

Signed,
Melly Me

 

[melly]

Originally posted by: TheToOTaLL
Dear Melly,

Do you have a video/pics of you shaking your tailfeather?

Curious,
thetootall

Dear Curious One,

If I had feather for a tail, it would be tickling my ass all the time. In other words, no I do not have any evidence...not of shaking it, that is. :evil:

Signed,
Naughty Melly

 

[melly]

Originally posted by: Excelsior
Dear Melly,

I am currently experiencing a painful discharge of some green, pus-like substance from my penis. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Excelsior

Dear VD,

Google that sh!t, yo.

Signed,
Melly

 

[TheToOTaLL]

Originally posted by: xmellyx

Originally posted by: TheToOTaLL
Dear Melly,

Do you have a video/pics of you shaking your tailfeather?

Curious,
thetootall

Dear Curious One,

If I had feather for a tail, it would be tickling my ass all the time. In other words, no I do not have any evidence...not of shaking it, that is. :evil:

Signed,
Naughty Melly

RaWr!

 

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: xmellyx

Originally posted by: Deslocke
dear melly,

what do silly little teenagers do on dates?


signed,
me

Dear You,

Silly little teenagers dress up like skanks (or wannabe rappers if they're males), call up a bunch of their friends, and go to the cinema together. Note, they do not actually buy tickets, they just go to the cinema. There, they block all of the doorways while smoking their cigarrettes, and lose all track of time.

Signed,
Melly Me

dear melly you,

I feel like I don't fit in with the other teenagers. I don't dress like a rapper, I don't have friends, I hate calling people, I don't like going to cinemas, I like buying tickets, I like to walk through doorways, I don't smoke, and I have all my clocks set to the official u.s. time. what should I do?

signed,
question hog

 

[SociallyChallenged]

Dear Melly,

I have an impulse to run in circles. Any remedies?

 

[melly]

Originally posted by: Deslocke
dear melly you,

I feel like I don't fit in with the other teenagers. I don't dress like a rapper, I don't have friends, I hate calling people, I don't like going to cinemas, I like buying tickets, I like to walk [/i]through doorways, I don't smoke, and I have all my clocks set to the official u.s. time. what should I do?

signed,
question hog

Dear Quhog,

I guessed you missed the memo...dressing like a rapper is for silly little teenagers. You're not silly, now, are you? And you know the people that you see walking around late at night, well yes they are ghosts but they are your friends. I fancy the cinema myself but the prices recently rose again and even my rich ass self cannot afford it. Sometimes I do smoke, but I'm not a teenager nor silly, and my clocks are all the wrong times. What you should do? YELL AT ME FOR BEING SUCH A NON-CONFORMIST! After you yell, you'll feel much better.

Signed,
Memo Melly

 

[TheToOTaLL]

Dear Melly,

When you frequent the local clubs, do you you travel in groups or alone?

Signed,
Curious One

 

[melly]

Originally posted by: SociallyChallenged
Dear Melly,

I have an impulse to run in circles. Any remedies?

Dear Forrest,

Would you rather run in a straight line? That's boring. Life is full of circles, it is never a straight line, so why would you have it any other way?

Or you could be half dog. In which case, no worries, just make sure you clean up after yourself.


Signed,
Melly the Vet and/or Jenny from Forrest Gump

 

[melly]

Originally posted by: TheToOTaLL
Dear Melly,

When you frequent the local clubs, do you you travel in groups or alone?

Signed,
Curious One

Dear Curious One,

When I frequent clubs, I do the group thing. Unfortunately, no discount applies.


Signed,
Melly

 

[ElFenix]

dear melly


how do i know booty shorts are fitting right?

nicities and pleasantries,
elfenix

 

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: xmellyx
Dear Quhog,

I guessed you missed the memo...dressing like a rapper is for silly little teenagers. You're not silly, now, are you? And you know the people that you see walking around late at night, well yes they are ghosts but they are your friends. I fancy the cinema myself but the prices recently rose again and even my rich ass self cannot afford it. Sometimes I do smoke, but I'm not a teenager nor silly, and my clocks are all the wrong times. What you should do? YELL AT ME FOR BEING SUCH A NON-CONFORMIST! After you yell, you'll feel much better.

Signed,
Memo Melly

dear melly,

I think if you gave up smoking completely your rich ass would again be able to afford going to the cinema. also, you should set all your clocks to the right time. it will bring great order to your life and you will find that you are much more satisfied with your existence.

signed,
melly jr.

p.s. since I must yell at you... YOU MESSED UP MY FVCKING ITALICS, BITCH.

much love xoxo.

 

[MrAwesome]

Dear Melly,

I have a huge adam's apple.

Signed,
Jim Beam.