Ladies: Your opinion please

[Isla]

Yow, it sounds like it was a miracle the two of you hooked up to begin with!

Well, even if she might not learn a lot from this experience, it is clear that you are.

Good luck w/ your next GF...

 

[Namuna]

1 last question...

She spent a good deal of money travelling to visit me. I was thinking of including a check with the apology letter. Not because I feel bad that it was money she couldn't really afford to let go of, but because my LAME ASS should've been paying for at least half of the cost (if not the whole amount).

Is this a tact-less gesture at this point?

 

[Isla]

hmmmm.

I have absolutely no experience with this kind of thing, so I'm not really sure.

I do know this much:

If it will make YOU feel better and help YOU move on (and avoid making the same mistakes again) then it may be the right thing.

I am going to take this opportunity to plug my belief that such situations could be avoided by delaying sexual intimacy as looooong as possible in relationships... you all can flame me, but I want to be relatively SURE I love the cottage cheese I am sleeping with!

 

[Frenchie]

My .02:

Isla, BoberFett, and ChrichtonsGirl are on the mark. Send a nice closure letter. Thats it nothing more. Do not send a check....It'll look like charity and/or that you wish the whole relationship never happened.

 

[qacwac]

to Isla: I agree, but I would say wait until marriage. Anyting else is wrong. Now that I might get flamed for.

 

[littlelilith]

I think you should send her the letter. Looking back, whenever a relationship ends for me it helps to have a bit of an explanation.. It's a lot rougher when you honestly don't know what went wrong.

 

[Kappo]

I had a girlfriend once that when we broke up I did something similar. I made her think I was the bad guy (not that I WASNT, now that I think of it). The problem is that I KNEW she hated me and I couldnt stand it...it REALLY sucks to know that someone you used to be close to hates you or even dislikes you.
After about 3.5 years we ended up seeing each other out somewhere and we pretty much made everything ok. Now we are actually friends and everything seems to work great!

I totally vote for the letter...more pain in the short term but you dont burn a bridge and it wont suck later on down the road. IMO the best thing you can do is be as frank as possible and hope that she is understanding...and remember that there without a last word you will ALWAYS have that something else you will wish that you could have told her!

Think about it...from what I have gathered from talking to older people, I rarely hear about things they regret ACTUALLY DOING...it seems to be more regret towards things that they DIDNT do...

Good luck!!

 

[Namuna]

I just got off the phone with her.

In the best way that I could, I told her it was best that the break-up came now instead of later when things got more involved. The inevitable question came as to "why?"

And the answer I gave was that I just don't see the relationship in the long haul. And that I was sorry it had to end in the manner it did, that I'm a prick for not breaking up with her in a more proper way. She is a special person and that I wanted it to work, but I didn't think it was fair for me or her to continue a relationship that wasn't going to go the distance.

She still weren't too happy, but she accepted this and there is closure.

 

[BoberFett]

Cheers Namuna, for doing the right thing.