Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked
beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy
and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought
to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this
carrying on." So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some
months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in
the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late
because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small diner and the
odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had
miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the
time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it,
she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she
putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could
control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly,
"Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and
led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was
about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her
promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer
the phone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the
pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the
room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a
skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air
around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three
more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the
conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten
minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned
the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her
hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of
innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked
her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he
removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!! There were twelve dinner
guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!!!
beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy
and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought
to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this
carrying on." So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some
months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in
the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late
because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small diner and the
odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had
miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the
time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it,
she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she
putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could
control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly,
"Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and
led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was
about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her
promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer
the phone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the
pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the
room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a
skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air
around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three
more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the
conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten
minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned
the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her
hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of
innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked
her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he
removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!! There were twelve dinner
guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!!!
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