Just had the craziest online interview!

[McLovin]

You failed on #2

You should've asked for an SOW to hire a business analyst in order to determine the requirements for the PBJ, then ask him to write an FDS and TDS in order to pass onto the sandwich engineer to make the sandwich. Then it has to go through several iterations of UAT and QC before finally being delivered into production, 3 weeks late and 5x over budget.

Haha I'm totally going to remember this. Because I'm dumb, what does FDS and TDS stand for?

 

[steppinthrax]

Haha I'm totally going to remember this. Because I'm dumb, what does FDS and TDS stand for?

Functional Design Specification

Technical Design Specification.

There also a URS = User Requirements Specification

 

[McLovin]

Functional Design Specification

Technical Design Specification.

There also a URS = User Requirements Specification

Makes cents, I got ya!

 

[IronWing]

What would you have said?

Yo, babe, let's see a sandwich in here.

 

[Aikouka]

Leave the last 2cm of one edge bare so there's room to clean the edge of the knife on the bread.

Seems too onerous. I just scrape the knife off on the rim of the jar, and then any last remnants get wiped onto the jelly side. There's barely any left at that point, so you aren't really ruining the sanctity of the jelly side.

"If you were the size of a pencil and got dropped into a blender, how would you escape".

Isn't the correct answer to that question that you just jump out of the blender? I'm pretty sure I've seen it before, and the idea is that you retain the same strength at a smaller size/weight. Essentially, you are Marvel's Ant-Man... but slightly bigger.

 

[acheron]

Are we assuming we're starting with peanut butter and jelly already? I'd go with "First you dig up the peanut plants, roast the peanuts, and pulverize them into 'butter'. Then you pick raspberries, crush them, and boil them with sugar and pectin."

Oh, right, and bread. "Get out your scythe and start harvesting some wheat. Then you start threshing..."

 

[MongGrel]

Are we assuming we're starting with peanut butter and jelly already? I'd go with "First you dig up the peanut plants, roast the peanuts, and pulverize them into 'butter'. Then you pick raspberries, crush them, and boil them with sugar and pectin."

Oh, right, and bread. "Get out your scythe and start harvesting some wheat. Then you start threshing..."

The basic components would all ready be there, but now I guess just going to extremes.

If you're going down that route you could explain your own personal beliefs from big bang/creation and throw in a Bible/Koran/Religion of you're choice to get to the point of creating a PBJ.

anyway.

 

[pontifex]

I would have no idea what to say to for the joke. I don't have a favorite joke. I dont think of jokes as things to favorite.

 

[Ns1]

i like the idea of reading better nate than lever to an interviewer.

 

[Printer Bandit]

My go to joke...

Why do they call seagulls seagulls? Because if the flew over bays, they would be called bagels.

 

[bryanl]

I find "cultural" fit of a person on a team to be almost more important than that person's technical skill, so I could see value in the first question.

What are your educational background and job?

 

[bryanl]

My go to joke...

Why do they call seagulls seagulls? Because if the flew over bays, they would be called bagels.

You're hired.

 

[Ken g6]

If you wish to make a PBJ from scratch you must first invent the universe.

 

[IronWing]

If you wish to make a PBJ from scratch you must first invent the universe.

Okay, done. Now I just have to find the bread knife in all that.

 

[Anubis]

1. Tell us your favorite Joke...
.

SO there is a man walking through the desert

 

[Mai72]

The any key joke? Meh...

You should have told the interviewer a dirty joke!

"There was a blonde, a brunette..."

 

[darkswordsman17]

Actually I think the first question about the joke is smart. It could be a great indicator of their personality (they tell racist/sexist/etc or they tell political joke, or can't think of one or worse rip off one from Jay Leno, they come up with one on the spot, they reference something, etc).

 

[Sonikku]

2. Tell me the steps to make a PBJ sandwich.

Step 1: Delegate responsibility of said task to trained professional with expertise in such matters, ergo, wife.
Step 2: Done.

 

[Printer Bandit]

telling people corny jokes

1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRyYqONTZs0
2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PN_dIv7K5C8
3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfEnpRkVxeg

 

[justoh]

The any key joke? Meh...

You should have told the interviewer a dirty joke!

"There was a blonde, a brunette..."

How do you drown a blonde? Hold her head underwater until she stops breathing.

 

[DigDog]

I hope you told them the "better Nate than lever" joke.

jesus .. you actually have found a use for that monstrosity. i am impressed.

 

[02ranger]

"Tell us your favorite joke."
This interview. Click

hahah, that's what I thought when I read that question in the OP.

What would you have said?

How would I make a PB&J sandwich?

The first step is always gonna be "throw the f*&kin' Jelly away, I'm not puttin' that shit on a sandwich! Jelly is for toast and biscuits, and that's all it's good for!"

I probably wouldn't get the job.........

 

[_Rick_]

I am fully convinced that starting with the desert story is the only joke to tell to an interviewer. After all, they've asked for the best, specifically.

As for the Sandwich:

Step the First: Take a deep breath.
Step the Second: Shout at the top of your lungs the following incantation:
"God-damned woman! I am hungry, and I want a sandwich! Make it quick!"
Step the Third: Continue breathing regularly over an interval of time equal to the duration of 1.1031158e+12 periods of the radiation corresponding to the transition between the two hyperfine levels of the ground state of the caesium 133 atom.
Optional Step: Take a deep breath to proclaim "God damnit! What's taking so long!?"
Step the Fourth: Continue breathing regularly until sandwich appears in your vicinity.
Step the Fifth: Obtain Sandwich via digital manipulation.
Step the Sixth: Mutter "How do I put up with this woman...?"

 

[ViRGE]

--take out jelly and allow it to get to room temperature. (Fap to kill time)
--Wash hands, return to kitchen take out bread, large wooden spoon, knife, and peanut butter
--lay 2 slices of bread on counter
--with wooden spoon, scoop one full dollop of peanut butter, and fling it with a snap towards the opposing wall
--repeat step, to create two, opposing peanut butter splotches on wall.
--wipe spoon on pants. Then, use spoon for one scoop of jelly, and aim for one peanut butter splotch, combining the two.
--take each slice of bread and attach them to one of each splotches of peanut butter on the wall
--carefully drag the bread and PB&J units towards each other, and pull them away from the wall and press them together.
--yell at the kid to stop playing pokemon and clean up the mess on the wall
--put everything back, including the knife which you never used (why did you take it out, you idiot!)
--eat sandwich

It may be due to the fact that it's 3am, but for some reason that's absolutely hilarious.