"Just friends" my ass....

konichiwa

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
15,077
2
0
I don't think it's possible to be "just friends" with a member of the opposite sex. Period. I became friends with this girl about a year ago, figured we'd just be friends. We got really close, and then of course I became attracted to her -- she's beautiful, smart, and very close to me. Well, our "relationship" lasted for about a month. :( I don't know why it didn't work, it just didn't. And then I had to break off our friendship because I knew the same thing would happen again ... and now I can't get her out of my mind.

:frown: I don't think it's possible to be friends with a girl. :frown:
 

Aquaman

Lifer
Dec 17, 1999
25,054
13
0
Yeah........ thats a tough one :( It's hard but if you value thier friendship I think you can make it work without falling into the attraction trap again.

Cheers,
Aquaman
 

flippinfleck

Golden Member
Oct 24, 2000
1,090
1
0
Sorry to hear about that konichiwa. However, my best friend is a female. She just happens to also be my fiance. They kinda go hand in hand as far as I'm concerned.
 

LordMaul

Lifer
Nov 16, 2000
15,168
1
0
Gilrs are evil...just remember...:




GIRLS HAVE COOTIES!!! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!![/i]





:D
 

GL

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
4,547
0
0
I remember I wanted to be just friends with this girl in high school who I knew had a crush on me - long story...another girl friend overheard her in some class and set us up but for me sparks didn't fly. Anyhow, she kept wanting a relationship and I kept wanting to be just friends. I eventually set her up with a friend of mine who, 2 years down the road told me that in her diary she had said some nasty things about me leading her on - this after explicitly telling her "I just want to be friends, I don't want to date anybody".

Needless to say, that friendship didn't last long. Anyhow, I still think it's possible to be just friends, even though I've had a number of experiences like I mentioned above.

I think the key is if you're physically incompatible, then you'll just be friends. If you're a physical match, then stupid hormones kick in and convince you that she can be more than just a friend.

-GL
 

bonk102

Diamond Member
Oct 23, 2000
5,473
2
0
i'm actually having that same problem right now, i really like one of my very close friends and have for awhile and dont' know what to do about it, any suggestions? i don't want to do anything to jeapordize what we have between us
 

urameatball

Platinum Member
Jan 19, 2001
2,770
0
0
I can be just friends with girls no problem!
probably because I never take anything seriously anyway :)
 

datalink7

Lifer
Jan 23, 2001
16,765
6
81
I have been just friends with a girl for years now. I have known her since she was 8 and I was 9. She is like a sister to me.
 

sandquip

Member
Mar 8, 2001
91
0
0
Konichiwa:

That's too bad, especially because you've been good friends and have been able to become closer to one another - to foster that emotional "commonground" you need before anything more can happen. But with your case, it did happen, and... I can't say anything more than that it's a really...unique situation. One that's hard to really analyze without having a greater background about.
Mind if I ask what were the reasons why it didn't work? I know you said that you didn't know, but I'm a firm believer in the adage, "There's a reason for everything", and I think that...if you really look back and remember the times you were together and the things that you said (or -didn't say) to each other, you'd probably be able to see just where you went wrong.

Overall though, I'd have to disagree about whether you could be "just friends" with a member of the opposite sex. Although, yes, so much of it depends on the people, their jobs (?), the degree to which the relationship had reached/evolved, circumstances, and so on. ... I think generally, as with any relationship - at the root of it, you're just friends. You enjoy each other's company. And friends come and go all the time. So (of course depending on how far the relationship was to start with) given enough time, a feud or disagreement or even just... the incompatibility can realistically resolve itself. If you have a talk where you achieve some sort of understanding between each other, and agree on where each other stands, I would think it'd lead to a much better chance of resurrecting the friendship and perhaps even... strengthening it.

I think those ties that you had with the person are still there, but some of them have fallen loose from one another and if you were good friends to begin with, they would eventually find a way to re-tie themselves together given enough time and distance away from one another. I've been in a situation something like that, and I believe (and hope) that the awkwardness of talking and seeing one another decreases with time, until slowly but surely you're able to speak as *friends* once again, and not just as acquaintances who "once were".

What do you guys think of this?
(p.s. the terms "guys" was not used with the intention of exclusion...:))

Anyway, hope you find better shades of light in the future and this doesn't stand too much in the way. I know somebody who once told me she was "jaded" because of men, and that men are dogs... but things have taken a different route lately. ;)

-p


 

Passions

Diamond Member
Feb 17, 2000
6,855
2
0
"I just want to be friends, I don't want to date anybody".

BWAHAHAHAHAHA YAHAHAHAHA. anyway, I think you can be friends with a girl, but not best friends. why would u be so close in the first place.
 

tim0thy

Golden Member
Oct 23, 2000
1,936
0
0
the good guy - Interesting link... I LIKE IT! I think I'll refer it to my excessively bitter friend! :)
 

divinemartyr

Platinum Member
Oct 18, 2000
2,439
1
71
I've really not had too many problems being just friends with a female in the past, even attractive ones or ex-girlfriends. I have had a girlfriend for 2 1/2 years now which I suppose makes it easier, and pretty much a requirement if you want to have any sort of long-lasting serious relationship. Seriously though, you just have to know what the limits of the friendship are before you get deeply into it. It's all a matter of self-control and self-respect.

dm
 

WoundedWallet

Platinum Member
Oct 9, 1999
2,325
0
0
Once you become "friends" with a woman you shouldn't have sex more than once with her.

Better yet if you're both tipsy. This way you have a good excuse and you don't have to break up the "friendship". And who knows how many other times you'll get tipsy together again.

The only exception should be if it happens that sex is real good. Then you should do it non-stop till someone gets bored. By then you'll be more than happy with what the "friendship" has 'given' you.

And yes, I don't believe a man and a woman can be together without the man feeling something rushing inside. Unless of course she's uglier than an ugly dog :p
 

Mistah Magik

Member
Jan 29, 2000
119
0
0
I think we all have that problem dude, I've been feeling pretty low myself lately. I just got out of a 3 1/2 year relationship and let me tell you being just friends sucks. If you have a good female friend, think about "will this ruin our friendship and what can happen if we do go out?" Do you really think it's worth losing a good/close female friend if you get too close? Who knows....

I do like that link to that website and it seems like an interesting site to read and study. I just don't understand why girls date jerks and a-holes all the time when us good guys are left behind. I guess it's because I have no game and it's been awhile since I have gone out on dates and whatnot. If anyone has any more cool sites like that about relationships and whatnot, PM me or post them on here, I'm interested to see what it's all about.
 

Elledan

Banned
Jul 24, 2000
8,880
0
0
Being 'just friends' with a girl is possible, as long as both of you keep those emotions and desires under control. It's not you or her to blame, it's just a natural response of your body on the presence of a possible partner to produce offspring with. Why else do you think Humans have been so successful in spreading themselves all over this planet?
 

cyclistca

Platinum Member
Dec 5, 2000
2,886
11
81
konichiwa sure it's possible. One of my best friends is my ex girlfriend. We just decided one day the we work well as friends but have to much baggage to make a relationship work. Maybe it helps that it was a mutual decision.

Also have many other friends that are female. I was even interested in one of them for awhile but things didn't work out. Maybe it's something that happens when you get older (In my thirties). I also have read a few relationship and Male vs Female (Men are from Mars....) books so maybe that also makes a difference in how I react with women.

 

warcleric

Banned
May 31, 2000
2,384
0
0
I have to disagree, I have 2 female friends now that are like sisters to me, the thought of any kind of relationship with them repulses me.
 

konichiwa

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
15,077
2
0
warcleric

<< the thought of any kind of relationship with them repulses me >>

That's why your friendship works. ;)
 

kuk

Platinum Member
Jul 20, 2000
2,925
0
0
The same thing is happening to me. :(:(
First we were only friends. Then we were only very good friends. Then we became almost best friends. Then she kissed me. Then we it was great for one week. Then I get the just friends crap.


I know how it feels ... today I hugged her, held hands, but I couldn't do a damn thing. When I told her she was in my dreams tonight, she says I need to forget her. :(:(:(:(:(

But one thing that one of my (female) friends said really helped me. Never ever keep your head down, depressed, and complaining about what happened. Do the exact opposite, even if you don't feel like it. In no time, you'll feel better (not about the girl ... that still lingers inside). But you'll be on a good mood, and inside you'll be feeling less bitter and much happier.

Trust me. I was very depressed. When I followed my friend's advice, things became much better. ;)
 

mpg

Banned
Nov 23, 2000
938
0
0
impossible to be friends with a woman!

Exceptions:

You are a gay male.
She is a lesbian.
You don't find yourself attracted to her (meaning she is ugly).
Friend in school you wouldn't normally talk to outside of school.
 

vash

Platinum Member
Feb 13, 2001
2,510
0
0
I have a few rules to dating and women in general. I don't mean to upset anyone with &quot;my&quot; rules, but here goes:

1. Don't spend more than $50 on a date. Period. That includes driving, admission, drinks, whatever. If you can't have a date for less than $50, you aren't on a date and you're the one picking up the tab.

2. If you don't get what you want out of three (3) dates, don't call her again.

3. Always have protection for &quot;you know what&quot;. You don't want to pay child support or get a disease from an investment of $5 you never made.

4. NEVER answer the phone on the first call and NEVER answer the phone on the weekend. You always want to seem &quot;difficult&quot; to get a hold of. When making dates, never take the first possible day or the first possible weekend -- try for weekdays and/or weekends a few weeks away and tell her you have other plans in the mean time.

5. NEVER take a date at the last minute to a place where SHE has tickets to something or she knows someone in the band. This is where her last minute plans went awry and you are the last hope.

6. NEVER go to coffee or a lunch &quot;date&quot;. Typically, you will not get what you want when she drinks coffee and you will likely not get what you want during lunch. Alcohol is where dates happen, don't forget that.

and last, but not least..

7. NEVER make &quot;friends&quot; with a woman. Over time, you want something out of her (typically), but because she thinks of you as a &quot;friend&quot;, you will NOT get what you typically want.

Think about #7 for a sec. How often do women complain about their terrible boyfriends that don't treat them right, etc? Woman complain often, but stay with the guys that aren't the nicest thing in the world to them. When you are a friend, you typically are nice (do you have a friend that you don't treat well?) and therefore you could never be any closer to being anything else other than a friend.

I've learned these basic things the hard way. I live by these things and I'm happy. Others try and aren't happy... your mileage may vary.