Just finished crying...

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Jan 3, 2001
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#76
Does this mean the OP must learn martial arts or something?
 
Dec 6, 2004
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#77
Oh Asian parents. I still cringe at people at my school when they tell me they're going to law or med school because their parents want them to.
 
Jun 23, 2005
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#79
The rest of your family should have had a spine and spoke up for you instead of being gutless and quiet. Your dad probably wants you to look out for them as they will likely allow themselves to be pushed around their entire lives.
 
Oct 25, 2006
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#80
The rest of your family should have had a spine and spoke up for you instead of being gutless and quiet. Your dad probably wants you to look out for them as they will likely allow themselves to be pushed around their entire lives.
You DO realized that 99.9% of the family would support the dad right?
 

MrsBugi

Platinum Member
Aug 19, 2005
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#81
I teared up at this, so thank you. I have a tense relationship with my (step)father and a lot of what you said hit home. I'm glad you got to have that talk with your father. I always feel better when he and I make a breakthrough, no matter how small it is.
You are so welcome, Lummex. Thank you for sharing a little about your own struggle with your (step)father... And I am encouraged to hear that there have been some breakthroughs. There's hope. :)

Positive change can come in the smallest forms... It's so critical to notice and appreciate the little things. *hugs* to you and wishing you and your family the best in your journey.
 

linuxboy

Elite Member
Oct 9, 1999
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#83
PhD in Meat Science
Graduate program in food science. Jobs are often product formulation, food r&d, food safety programs, novel protein applications, biosynthesis, etc. Like the guys who took waste, purified it, and turned it back into protein. Meat scientists.
 

grohl

Platinum Member
Jun 27, 2004
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#84
I know you had closure, but I still feel sorry and sad for you.

I make a point to tell my kids that I love them every day. That, and tons of affection.

Thanks for the story.
 
Feb 16, 2004
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#86
The fact that we choose to live relatively modestly still irks my grandma though. She can't brag to her friends and relatives about us. We don't have a million dollar home in the country with Mercedes, swimming pool, and room for a pony. My dad's cousins have that, but they're in debt to their eyeballs. We don't owe anybody anything. I doubt they'll ever come to terms with each other. She's just not the type of person who will ever budge, or show emotion outside of rage.
 

MarkXIX

Platinum Member
Jan 3, 2010
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#87
Your father has Asperger's syndrome. Deal with it.
 
Sep 2, 2006
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#88
this is one of the more emotional, bitter, sweet and beautiful threads i ever read on ATOT
 
Sep 25, 2001
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#89
holy necro!

hope the OP is doing well in her dominatrix business.

anyone have the pic of her in bikini on the back on the Virgin billionaire?
 
Jul 12, 2006
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#91
holy necro!

hope the OP is doing well in her dominatrix business.

anyone have the pic of her in bikini on the back on the Virgin billionaire?
you are one weird, creepy, predictable dude.
 
May 19, 2011
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#94
God what a horrible story. If either of my parents had done that to me in those circumstances, they wouldn't see me again until they had apologised profusely and I honestly believed they meant to apologise for what they did wrong rather than being sorry that it came with consequences. That's aside from the rest of the family not sticking up for the OP either. Had I been in the same situation as the OP, while I imagine my siblings would initially be shocked into silence, I'm pretty certain that they would very quickly let my parents know in no uncertain terms what they thought of them doing that.

I suppose in a way this story is a really extreme example that one day every person must learn that their parent(s) aren't the almost-deity-level-wise people they likely revered during their childhood, and that day usually is a little disappointing yet a maturing moment at the same time.

I am a bit surprised as well though, because surely by the age that most people are upon completing a Masters course, they've learnt a sufficient amount about their parents to know what their reaction would be in such a circumstance. To me the scenario in the OP is kind of like growing up thinking that one has really understanding and kind parents only to discover that upon coming out of the closet to them that they would prefer to exterminate all gay people. While my parents are a tad homophobic (to the level of opposing gay marriage that is, not extermination) by the time I was an adult I knew perfectly well their thoughts on the topic of homosexuality, and if I was gay, I knew with a 90% certainty what their reaction would be. I would have thought that the OP would already have had some idea that their parents were totally pro the idea that one's worth is derived solely from one's bank balance (this is not intended to imply any blame of the OP for the situation, IMO there's nothing to blame the OP for).
 

FerrelGeek

Diamond Member
Jan 22, 2009
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#95
Wonderful story. Thank you for sharing.
 

rh71

No Lifer
Aug 28, 2001
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#96
I too am an Asian dad. I grew up with traditional parents - they emigrated here for their kids, leaving a very comfortable and familiar lifestyle back in HK. The stricter parent was my mom and all she wanted was our success as adults, which also included financial. While I'm doing ok now, it took quite a while for me to realize that their generation valued "face" more than anything. It's just a different mindset.

Not surprisingly, this has shaped how I have parented. All parents want success for their kids, and the challenge has always been how tight to keep the vice while still allowing a bit of fun and fooling around. Personally I don't agree with parents allowing their kids to do whatever they want. Spend their allowance how they want, or choose a career without thought. We know how little thought they can put into decisions and almost all kids need guidance, even from a very young age. This is not to say we're deciding for them or coddling them, but we're active in their choices. Even so, we're learning on the job determining what is most beneficial to them and have to constantly remind ourselves we're shaping mindsets for the future. We put them into sports early on because we knew keeping them occupied with extracurriculars is the best thing for everyone's sanity, including theirs. I coach them in travel hockey and when they're not at 3x practice or weekend games, all they [and their friends] want to do is play video games. To deprive them of the fun-time memories that are more likely to stick with them would be a mistake and so we let it be.

So through sports we try to teach them their life lessons - earning what you receive, learning from losing, dealing with hardships, social skills, etc. Through the handful of years so far, I've realized that it's a very slow process - something that they must endure through, and make mistakes on their own. Anytime they have success, I still find myself asking more from them, showing little praise. Seeing the other coaches/dads, I'm convinced that's just some of the Asian in me. I want it to be hard for them, and I know they seek validation, but secretly I'm still proud.

I don't say "I love you" either. Sorry boys, it's just not me.
 
Sep 25, 2001
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#97
God what a horrible story. If either of my parents had done that to me in those circumstances, they wouldn't see me again until they...
oh ok.. going to read the OP now instead of just asking for her pics w/that Virgin billionaire
 
Oct 9, 1999
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#98
God what a horrible story. If either of my parents had done that to me in those circumstances, they wouldn't see me again until they had apologised profusely and I honestly believed they meant to apologise for what they did wrong rather than being sorry that it came with consequences. That's aside from the rest of the family not sticking up for the OP either. Had I been in the same situation as the OP, while I imagine my siblings would initially be shocked into silence, I'm pretty certain that they would very quickly let my parents know in no uncertain terms what they thought of them doing that.

I suppose in a way this story is a really extreme example that one day every person must learn that their parent(s) aren't the almost-deity-level-wise people they likely revered during their childhood, and that day usually is a little disappointing yet a maturing moment at the same time.

I am a bit surprised as well though, because surely by the age that most people are upon completing a Masters course, they've learnt a sufficient amount about their parents to know what their reaction would be in such a circumstance. To me the scenario in the OP is kind of like growing up thinking that one has really understanding and kind parents only to discover that upon coming out of the closet to them that they would prefer to exterminate all gay people. While my parents are a tad homophobic (to the level of opposing gay marriage that is, not extermination) by the time I was an adult I knew perfectly well their thoughts on the topic of homosexuality, and if I was gay, I knew with a 90% certainty what their reaction would be. I would have thought that the OP would already have had some idea that their parents were totally pro the idea that one's worth is derived solely from one's bank balance (this is not intended to imply any blame of the OP for the situation, IMO there's nothing to blame the OP for).
Agreed, this is well beyond disowning territory IMO.
 

paperfist

Diamond Member
Nov 30, 2000
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#99
Agreed, this is well beyond disowning territory IMO.
Lol that’s how old school parents were. Did you guys read the whole story where it turns out well?

I think it’s no coincidence that when the softer, gentler, do whatever the F you want generation of parents took over that a decline in our society followed.
 

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