Jury duty Monday: How not to get picked? *Updated*

[Nosaj]

Any suggestions? I really need to get back to work ASAP, and I am worried I'll get on some 3 month trial :Q .


Edit: Updated...
I now believe in Karma! I was chosen for the grand jury and get to spend an entire month with the court system! :Q

 

[jorken]

You know you still get paid right?

 

[ElFenix]

say you hate black people.

 

[notfred]

Originally posted by: jorken
You know you still get paid right?

How do you know, that depends entirely on his employer. Maybe's he's self employed?

 

[FoBoT]

Each time a lawyer tries to pick people they think will agree with their side in the upcoming case. Both lawyers will approach all potential jurors as if they are long lost friends. This gives you a great chance to escape.

As soon as you see the lawyers for the prosecution and for the defence, pick one, or both, as a potential `enemy'. The stronger you can feel the emotion, the more powerful your body language is. Shake your head, glare, make faces. The lawyers and any staff with them are carefully noting all reactions by all potential jurors. They are trying to pick out any prejudice against them, against their client or even against their case. Showing a prejudice, even if you do not have one, gets you quickly out of the courtroom. Almost all lawyers will excuse any potential juror who they cannot see as a potential friend. Their questions will be delivered with so much fake charm and friendliness as they can master.

The Judge may ask questions of his own. For example, in a case involving car theft, the Judge may ask all potential jurors if they have ever been a victim of that type of crime. Even if you give a positive answer to that type of question, the Judge will only ask if that experience will influence your decision in the case they want you to hear. No matter your answer, the Judge makes his own decision on if you stay or go. Your answer to that second question may, however, cause either the prosecution or the defence to want you excused.

Almost sure to get you off, is a loud "What?!" after any question, from anyone, to anyone. You will be quickly asked if you have a hearing problem. Yell out "What?!", make them repeat the question and then loudly say that you do not have a hearing problem. No lawyer wants to yell throughout the case and a fake hearing problem does wonders to get you out.

Normally, financial concerns will not get you out from Jury Duty. Check with your employer to see if you will continue to get a pay cheque (a surprising number of companies do pay you while on Jury Duty). If not, this knowledge will aid your skill in acting the part of a juror neither side wants.

Health matters are more of a concern. If you are receiving any type of medical treatment, or if you will in the near future, a Doctor's letter will allow you to escape. Many have claimed non-existent health problems, often on the original letter form asking them to report for Jury Duty. As a firm rule, the Judicial system does not check on any claim of health concerns. Most Doctor's will supply a letter to excuse their patient, because of `stress', `headache' or even `inability to concentrate'. However a loud "What?!" to your Doctor will only result in an unnecessary hearing test.

source

 

[Maetryx]

I told the court that given a situation with two strangers with two conflicting stories, I would believe the stranger with a uniform and badge.

 

[Nosaj]

Yeah, I still get paid. The problem is that we just moved to our new offices today. I spent all of this week moving and reconfiguring servers, and I need to be there to handle any problems that might crop up. Plus, I still need to set up my office. :frown:

 

[Dudd]

"I think that if someone ends up in court, he must be guilty of something."

 

[freakflag]

When the filth (lawyers) sit you down to interview you, before they even shake your hand, just blurt out:

"Gentlemen, today is your lucky day! I can spot a criminal a mile away!"

Then you can go back and finish reading your newspaper.

 

[n0cmonkey]

Its your duty as an American to do your best in these proceedings. If you do not want to go, tell them you have America, Americans, and everything the flag stands for.

 

[StageLeft]

Originally posted by: Nosaj
Yeah, I still get paid. The problem is that we just moved to our new offices today. I spent all of this week moving and reconfiguring servers, and I need to be there to handle any problems that might crop up. Plus, I still need to set up my office. :frown:

Boo hoo. Do your duty. It could be you up there some day.

 

[jorken]

Originally posted by: notfred

Originally posted by: jorken
You know you still get paid right?

How do you know, that depends entirely on his employer. Maybe's he's self employed?

Well if thats the case, all you should need to do is say you're self employed and that it is your only source of income, that will get you out of it.

 

[HappyPuppy]

When the attorneys interview me I always tell them, truthfully, that I could never believe a paid expert witness. It gets me off every time and I'm not telling any lies.

 

[Iron Woode]

Homer Simpson: "the secret to getting out of jury duty is to say you are prejudiced against everyone."

 

[tk149]

Claim you know the defendant. His cousin beat up your son. If the defendant is a corporation, say they ripped off your brother.

I just went through jury duty. You'll get a lot of chances to get yourself off the hook. The judge gave a general description of the case, and then asked a bunch of questions that all 60 of us potential jurors had to answer.

One woman who was not selected as part of the jury for a sexual offender case simply stated that her daughter had been a victim of a sexual offender, and that she could not be impartial.

I was tempted to get out of duty too, but I wanted to hang the scumbag. Too bad I didn't get picked.

But seriously, it's your duty as a voting American. 99% of all jury trials last 2 days or less. Do it, it'll be fun and educational.

 

[NetworkDad]

Wear your nostalgic hitler uniform with a copy of the Koran in your pocket.

 

[IGBT]

What if you expressed a concern about terrorism and fear being in a metropolitan area. Ask them if the place has been screened for anthrax or explosives. Is anyone guarding the ventilation system?? How about these guys in cop uniforms..are they really cops?? Where's their picture ID?..the roof..is anybody on the roof spoting for incoming aircraft? Ask the judge if he/she has a permit to carry a gun. Wear a red NRA hat..and don't forget to pay your dues.......

 

[Nosaj]

Allright, I'll just suck it up and do my duty...thanks for all of the interesting suggestions though.

 

[MainFramed]

Originally posted by: ElFenix
say you hate black people.

 

[Dudd]

I was tempted to get out of duty too, but I wanted to hang the scumbag. Too bad I didn't get picked.

Gee, I wonder why

 

[Zebo]

Tell them you an A in a logic course in college.

 

Get argumentative and use lawyerly terms.

 

[silverpig]

I can't believe it took so long for someone to mention that homer quote... I believe it actually goes like:

"The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."

 

[JimmyEatWorld]

try and do it, it would be nice to have some intelligence on a jury for once....

 

[richardycc]

not sure if things have changed or not, but in the old days, if they didnt pick you, they would still make you stick around until noon.
whatever you do, dont say you hate black people, they can charge you with hate crime! say something like "I believe in God and OJ simpson" or some stupid things like that.