Jump-starting cars - Do it RIGHT, or look like a dumbass!

[MercenaryForHire]

Just walked home from work and encountered yet another "saviour" / "Good Samaratin" attempting to jump-start the dead car of two ladies. He and his appropriately macho friend are trying to be the knights in shining armour to save the two young ladies. Naturally, pain and hilarity ensues.

On my right is the Macho Car. Live battery. Also running.
On my left is the dead car. Dead battery. Obviously not running.
Macho Guy proceeds to clamp positive to live, positive to dead.
Macho Guy now connects negative to live and is moving toward dead car.

Let's play "Spot what's wrong with this picture" for a minute here. Okay, time's up. If you don't have red flags and warning bells going off, you're the Macho Guy. Otherwise, you're Merc.

At this point, Merc arrives and assumes (correctly) the total cluelessness of the Macho Guy.
Merc: "Whoa, whoa, what the f*** are you doing? Turn your car off before you connect those!"
Macho: (posturing) "Hey, I know what I'm doing."
Merc: (laughing inside) "Whatever ... that's dangerous to have your car on before all the cables are up."
Macho: (still posturing) "Relax, buddy, I'm a mechanic."
Merc: (now disgusted) "No, you're not. Are you trying to hurt yourself? You never connect-"
Macho: (now irritated that he's been found out) "I said I'm a mechanic, all right? Get on the bus, buddy."
Merc: (irritated and now a little concerned at hazard to himself) "You're holding a LIVE jumper cable. If you connect that to the battery, you're in s***. Turn your car off and hook it up to the engine block."
Macho: (progressing to pissed, now forgetting his original intent to pick up on girls) "I said cram it, pal, I said I'm a mechanic."
Merc: (now content to sit back and watch the show) "Fine. F*** it. But remember that battery acid on the face doesn't impress the ladies."
Macho: "Would you shut UP?"
Merc: (aside to girls) "You might want to stand back."
Macho: (manuevers cable over towards negative terminal)

Negative comes close to terminal. Sparks ensue. Thankfully, battery does not explode. Macho jumps back and nearly throws cable.

Macho: "Jesus F*** Holy S***!"
Merc: (stifles a laugh) "Turn your car off. Positive, positive, negative, block. Then start yours, then hers. Oh, right, you knew that; you're a mechanic. Now, where was it you worked, so I know never to take my car there?"

- M4H

 

[Adul]

buahahhahaha

master card commercial anyone?

 

[Quixfire]

One question, was he standing under a tree???

 

[GoodRevrnd]

Hahahaha, classic... of course I'm partially guilty...
I've always known cars off, positive->positive, negative->block and I always try this way but never get it to work anywhere on the block (maybe I'm just retarded) so I give up and go negative->negative. Thankfully nothing has ever sparked or blown up on me.

 

[iamwiz82]

i had a buddy connect positive - positive, negative - negative. It melted a nice line from his head light to his bumper where the wires were laying.

 

[Tominator]

And don't forget to take the positive cable off the battery while the car is running! Want to make sure the alternator fries....er works!

 

[prodigy]

OWN3D!

So Merc got to take the 2 ladies home?

 

[KingNothing]

This negative to engine-block thing is news to me, my dad taught me to do it by hooking negative to negative. He's never had a problem in all the years he's done that.

Where on the engine block do you hook it to? And we're talking about the engine block of the dead car right?

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: GoodRevrnd
Hahahaha, classic... of course I'm partially guilty...
I've always known cars off, positive->positive, negative->block and I always try this way but never get it to work anywhere on the block (maybe I'm just retarded) so I give up and go negative->negative. Thankfully nothing has ever sparked or blown up on me.

While it's still dumb, it's nowhere near as bad as leaving the car running while the batteries get connected.

Far as connecting, pick a clean, oil and rust-free spot as far from the battery as possible. A large shiny lug on the engine block is perfect.

Still wish I had a camera.

- M4H

 

[Electric Amish]

Originally posted by: GoodRevrnd
Hahahaha, classic... of course I'm partially guilty...
I've always known cars off, positive->positive, negative->block and I always try this way but never get it to work anywhere on the block (maybe I'm just retarded) so I give up and go negative->negative. Thankfully nothing has ever sparked or blown up on me.

Same thing here. I *know* that's the way it's supposed to work, but I'll be damned if I could ever get it to work.

amish

 

[HappyPuppy]

Hmmmm. I spent 25 years as a mechanic, heavy equipment, and never shut the car or machine off before attaching the cables. I did, of course always attach the last negative clamp to the frame. No danger in doing it that way.

 

[KingNothing]

Originally posted by: Tominator
And don't forget to take the positive cable off the battery while the car is running! Want to make sure the alternator fries....er works!

Off both ends or one end?

 

[AdamDuritz99]

oK, i've jump start many of cars, and never had a problem. But after reading all this.. I'm really confused. Could someone give some detailed directions on how to correctly jumpstart a car. This is what I've always done with no problems.

In order:
Both cars off
neg. to dead battery
pos. to dead battery.
neg. to good battery
pos. to good battery.
start the car with the good battery.

How should it be done properly?

peace
sean

 

[Kenazo]

Maybe I'm missing something here...I'm not a professional mechanic, but I grew up on a farm and have boosted literally hundreds of times...tractors, trucks, cars, lawnmowers whatever. I've always hooked up the booster cables, not to sound stupid, but to simplify, red to positive terminal on each battery and black to the negative terminal on each battery. I will connect the negative to the frame if it's easier than the battery.

Also, I have never, not once turned off the engine while doing this. Anyways, I have never had any battery explode on me, or car explode or what have you. Sparks...well not usually. Engines that I'm boosting are almost always outdoors so it doesn't have a build-up of gases etc. to ignite. And if you're scared of sparks...geez...it's just electricity...try forgetting the breaker on doing some wiring...or grounding the current while welding, that'll keep your heart beating

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: prodigy69
OWN3D!

So Merc got to take the 2 ladies home?

Nope, they had places to go. Got names but no numbers. Don't matter to me, I've got a girlfriend.
Macho Guy just got a shock and a quick lesson in jump-starting.

Originally posted by: KingNothing
This negative to engine-block thing is news to me, my dad taught me to do it by hooking negative to negative. He's never had a problem in all the years he's done that.

Where on the engine block do you hook it to? And we're talking about the engine block of the dead car right?

Your dad probably had the engine of the live car off, though. Not to mention what happens if you try a battery-to-battery jumpstart when the dead one's cracked, corroded, leaking, or electrolyte's frozen. That's called a "jump away" not a "jump start" because that's what you do when the hydrogen gas ignites from the spark. :Q

Where on the engine block (and yes, on the dead car) I covered - clean, oil and rust-free metal far from battery. Shiny metal lugs are good.

Originally posted by: HappyPuppy
Hmmmm. I spent 25 years as a mechanic, heavy equipment, and never shut the car or machine off before attaching the cables. I did, of course always attach the last negative clamp to the frame. No danger in doing it that way.

It's only going to blow up if a spark jumps and it's cracked, corroded, leaking, or electrolyte frozen. Heavy equipment batteries (I'm assuming factory environment) don't see the extreme conditions of car batteries - cold, rain, frequent starting - so you're probably fine there.

Good job with the pos-pos-neg-block though. Glad some people know.

- M4H

 

[Tominator]

Originally posted by: KingNothing

Originally posted by: Tominator
And don't forget to take the positive cable off the battery while the car is running! Want to make sure the alternator fries....er works!

Off both ends or one end?

LOL! You chose!

The problem is fumes from the battery. They are flammable. A spark could easily cause the battery to explode!

The jumper cables I have are safe to hook battery to battery. There is a black box with a toggle switch midway down the cable. Two indicator lights, one on each side of the switch, glow either red or green depending on the polarity. The toggle will NOT operate unless both lights are green.

No mistakes in the dark. No sparks.

 

[Electric Amish]

TextIt's only going to blow up if a spark jumps and it's cracked, corroded, leaking, or electrolyte frozen. Heavy equipment batteries (I'm assuming factory environment) don't see the extreme conditions of car batteries - cold, rain, frequent starting - so you're probably fine there.

Not on a farm. Heavy equipment fare way worse than the average vehicle.

amish

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: AdamDuritz99
oK, i've jump start many of cars, and never had a problem. But after reading all this.. I'm really confused. Could someone give some detailed directions on how to correctly jumpstart a car. This is what I've always done with no problems.

In order:
Both cars off
neg. to dead battery
pos. to dead battery.
neg. to good battery
pos. to good battery.
start the car with the good battery.

How should it be done properly?

peace
sean

In order,

both cars off
pos to good
pos to bad
neg to good
neg to bad car's engine block (I've discussed the location enough)
start good car, idle for a minute (left lights on) or 3 (left on overnight)
start dead car
let both idle for another minute or 3
disconnect cables in REVERSE ORDER
attempt to start dead car - if it doesn't, return to step 1 and drive it to mechanics when it starts again to get fresh battery or charging circuit

- M4H

 

[toph99]

why do you have to have the good car off before connecting them? so long as you don't short the connection, the only difference is that there's 14 volts instead of 12, right?

 

[Zebo]

Originally posted by: HappyPuppy
Hmmmm. I spent 25 years as a mechanic, heavy equipment, and never shut the car or machine off before attaching the cables. I did, of course always attach the last negative clamp to the frame. No danger in doing it that way.

Smae here
In 31 years of life and probably 100 jump strats I never shut the truck off. It would be nice if merc explained how a battery is going to explode if you connect while the other car is running.

 

[HappyPuppy]

When I spoke of heavy equipment I meant scrapers, dozers, graders, backhoes, cranes etc. They normally have dual 8D or 4D batteries that get banged around like nothing a car would do to them.

I've also rebuilt hundreds of battery posts with an oxy/acetylene torch, a bar of lead and a battery post mold. It can be done fairly safely if you pull the caps off all the cells and pass the torch over the filler holes to each cell to explode the hydrogen gasses. It's kind of fun, really.

 

[Tominator]

Originally posted by: toph99
why do you have to have the good car off before connecting them? so long as you don't short the connection, the only difference is that there's 14 volts instead of 12, right?

Anytime there are two sources of power connected if they are 'live' there WILL be a spark!

Heavy equipment batteries are generally outside the engine compartment and exposed to open air. An automotive engine compartment is cramped with very little ventalation and flammable fumes are more likely to build up.

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: toph99
why do you have to have the good car off before connecting them? so long as you don't short the connection, the only difference is that there's 14 volts instead of 12, right?

Which I've proven is very possible and common. The difference is also that there's 0V waiting to jump between those two ends of the cable instead of 12V. Just shut it off. Takes little time and makes things safer.

*shudders* Farm equipment ... *shudders* well I guess you're just smart enough to keep the ends away from each other right HappyPuppy?

- M4H

 

[HappyPuppy]

I still have all my fingers and toes.

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: Carbonyl
It would be nice if merc explained how a battery is going to explode if you connect while the other car is running.

Hydrogen gas, which forms as a battery discharges and loses its fluid, is flammable, and a spark from the battery cables could (theoretically) set it off. The gas would have to be fairly dense around the battery for this to happen. This is unlikely unless the battery has been sitting for a long time and little or no air circulation has occurred in the area, but it is possible.

- M4H