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Jokes

AgaBoogaBoo

AgaBoogaBoo

Lifer
Joke 1
5 Counterproductive Pick-Up Lines

1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.
2) How do you like your eggs: fried, scrambled or fertilized?
3) My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can't hold it in.
4) If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, then could I meet you between the holidays?
5) How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.

Joke 2
A guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shooters. The bartender says, "Looks like you are having a bad day."
The guy says, "Am I ever! To start, I woke up late for work. On my way to work I got in an accident. When I got to work I was four hours late, so the boss fired me. Then to top everything off I came home to my wife screwing my best friend."

The bartender says, "What did you say to your wife?"

The guy says, "I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again."

The bartender says, "What did you say to your best friend?''

The guy says, ''I said BAD DOG!''

Joke 3
What do a bungee jump and a Hooker have in common?
They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead.
 
Most excellent.


Did you hear about the new Blonde paint? It's not too bright, easy to spread, and very cheap!


Pid
 
Just passing through.

DAMNIT....nothing to steal here.

Not that they aren't funny, just that I've heard them all before. 😛


(Sometimes it sucks knowing so many jokes....) 😉
 
Speaking of penguins . . .


A penguin is driving his car in the desert when it starts to have some mechanical problems. He stops in a town at a garage and asks the mechanic to take a look at the car. The mechanic tells him to come back in an hour and he would let him know what was wrong.

So while he's waiting, the penguin walks down the street until he finds an ice cream store. He goes in and orders a vanilla ice cream cone. It's a really hot day, so the ice cream begins to melt, and he gets it all over himself. When he gets back to the garage to check on his car, the mechanic comes up to him and says "Well, it looks like you blew a seal."

"Oh no," says the penguin, "that's just ice cream."
 
Originally posted by: SexEPid
Most excellent.

Did you hear about the new Blonde paint? It's not too bright, easy to spread, and very cheap!

Pid
Click to expand...

:Q

😀

Cheers SexEPid :beer:
 
Originally posted by: Cyberian
Speaking of penguins . . .


A penguin is driving his car in the desert when it starts to have some mechanical problems. He stops in a town at a garage and asks the mechanic to take a look at the car. The mechanic tells him to come back in an hour and he would let him know what was wrong.

So while he's waiting, the penguin walks down the street until he finds an ice cream store. He goes in and orders a vanilla ice cream cone. It's a really hot day, so the ice cream begins to melt, and he gets it all over himself. When he gets back to the garage to check on his car, the mechanic comes up to him and says "Well, it looks like you blew a seal."

"Oh no," says the penguin, "that's just ice cream."
Click to expand...

lol
 
A guy walks into a bar and orders twelve shooters. The bartender says "Twelve! What're you celebrating?" The guy answers "My first blowjob". So the bartender tells him "Well in that case, I'll give you number 13 on the house" and the guy says "No offense, but if twelve shooters won't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
 
Originally posted by: IEatChildren
A guy walks into a bar and orders twelve shooters. The bartender says "Twelve! What're you celebrating?" The guy answers "My first blowjob". So the bartender tells him "Well in that case, I'll give you number 13 on the house" and the guy says "No offense, but if twelve shooters won't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
Click to expand...

*rimshot* no pun intended
 
Originally posted by: IEatChildren
A guy walks into a bar and orders twelve shooters. The bartender says "Twelve! What're you celebrating?" The guy answers "My first blowjob". So the bartender tells him "Well in that case, I'll give you number 13 on the house" and the guy says "No offense, but if twelve shooters won't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
Click to expand...

ewww...:beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :Q
 
If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, then could I meet you between the holidays?
Click to expand...

Its......If your leg was summer, and your right leg was winter, I'd like to visit you in the rainy season.
 
Originally posted by: Cyberian
Speaking of penguins . . .


A penguin is driving his car in the desert when it starts to have some mechanical problems. He stops in a town at a garage and asks the mechanic to take a look at the car. The mechanic tells him to come back in an hour and he would let him know what was wrong.

So while he's waiting, the penguin walks down the street until he finds an ice cream store. He goes in and orders a vanilla ice cream cone. It's a really hot day, so the ice cream begins to melt, and he gets it all over himself. When he gets back to the garage to check on his car, the mechanic comes up to him and says "Well, it looks like you blew a seal."

"Oh no," says the penguin, "that's just ice cream."
Click to expand...

ROTFLMAOPIMP 😀 :beer:
 
what is is with all the non-brutuskend joke threads today?

is there some secret "steal the wind from his sails" conspiracy that I'm missing?
 
Originally posted by: ThaGrandCow
what is is with all the non-brutuskend joke threads today?

is there some secret "steal the wind from his sails" conspiracy that I'm missing?
Click to expand...

Ssssshhhh....don't tell Brutuskend...wait...damn...um...*whistles nonchalantly*
 
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