- Sep 25, 2000
- 22,135
- 5
- 61
A woman went to apply for a job at the Tickle Me Elmo factory.
She went to her interview, and an hour or so later she got the
job. The manager congratulated her and told her to be at work
at 8:00 sharp the next morning. The next morning she breezed
in at 8:00 and started to work. After a couple of hours, a fellow
worker rushed in to the manager's office.
"Sir, he said," the woman you just hired has set us back for days!
I don't know what she's doing, but it's bad!"
The manager replied, "Well tomorrow we will observe her and see
why she's taking so long."
The next morning the manager and worker quickly hid so the woman
would not see them. She immediately set to work to make the Elmo.
She then took two more eyeballs and another piece of furry cloth
and fiddled around with it and sewed it on the doll. The manager
started roaring with laughter. He went up to the woman still
chuckling and said, "You misunderstood me when you got the job.
You are supposed to give Elmo two test tickles."
=================
Two new additions to the periodic table of chemical elements:
Element Name: WOMAN. =Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may
freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if
mishandled.
Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong
affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when
left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly
green when placed next to a shinier specimen..
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of
wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
Element Name: MAN. =Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180+/-50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of
shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure
sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as
easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it
can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive
when mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged periods of time.
Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source - good specimens are
able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and
begins to smell.
She went to her interview, and an hour or so later she got the
job. The manager congratulated her and told her to be at work
at 8:00 sharp the next morning. The next morning she breezed
in at 8:00 and started to work. After a couple of hours, a fellow
worker rushed in to the manager's office.
"Sir, he said," the woman you just hired has set us back for days!
I don't know what she's doing, but it's bad!"
The manager replied, "Well tomorrow we will observe her and see
why she's taking so long."
The next morning the manager and worker quickly hid so the woman
would not see them. She immediately set to work to make the Elmo.
She then took two more eyeballs and another piece of furry cloth
and fiddled around with it and sewed it on the doll. The manager
started roaring with laughter. He went up to the woman still
chuckling and said, "You misunderstood me when you got the job.
You are supposed to give Elmo two test tickles."
=================
Two new additions to the periodic table of chemical elements:
Element Name: WOMAN. =Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may
freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if
mishandled.
Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong
affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when
left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly
green when placed next to a shinier specimen..
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of
wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
Element Name: MAN. =Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180+/-50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of
shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure
sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as
easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it
can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive
when mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged periods of time.
Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source - good specimens are
able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and
begins to smell.
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