Here are 3 that made me laugh for the day 🙂
There was a couple who were married for 20 years, and every time they had sex
the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break
him of the crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of doing
it, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a
dildo.
She gets completely upset, and screams, ?You impotent bastard,? she screamed at
him, ?how could you be lying to me all of these years. You better explain
yourself!?
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says, calmly, ?I?ll explain the
dildo if you can explain our three kids.?
_____________________________
A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Her
nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, so she puts him in the closet and
shuts the door. Her husband also comes home, so she puts her lover in the
closet, with the little boy.
The little boy says, ?Dark in here.?
The man says, ?Yes, it is.?
Boy: ?I have a baseball.?
Man: ?That?s nice.?
Boy: ?Want to buy it.?
Man: ?No, thanks.?
Boy: ?My dad?s outside.?
Man: ?OK, how much??
Boy: ?$25.00?
The next few weeks find the boy and her mother?s lover in the closet together.
Boy: ?Dark in here.?
Man: ?Yes, it is.?
Boy: ?I have a baseball mitt.?
The lover remembering the last time asks the boy, ?How much??
Boy: ?$75.00?
Man: ?Fine.?
A few days later, the father says to the boy, ?Grab your glove. Let?s go outside
and toss the baseball back and forth.? The boy says, ?I can?t, I sold them.?
The father asks, ?How much did you sell them for??
Boy: ?$100.00?
The father says, ?That?s terrible to overcharge your friends like that, that is
way more than those two things cost. I?m taking you to church and making you
confess.?
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession
booth, then closes the door.
The boy says, ?Dark in here.?
The priest says, ?Don?t start that $hit again.?
_________________________________
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it?s a bad one. Both of
their
cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, ?So you?re a man, that?s
interesting. I?m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There?s nothing left,
but
fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet
and
be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.?
Flattered, the man replied, ?Oh yes, I agree with you completely!?
?This must be a sign from God!? The woman continued, ?And look at this, here?s
another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine
didn?t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good
fortune.?
Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement,
opens
it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it
back
to the man.
The man asks, ?Aren?t you having any??
The woman replies, ?No. I think I?ll just wait for the police??
There was a couple who were married for 20 years, and every time they had sex
the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break
him of the crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of doing
it, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a
dildo.
She gets completely upset, and screams, ?You impotent bastard,? she screamed at
him, ?how could you be lying to me all of these years. You better explain
yourself!?
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says, calmly, ?I?ll explain the
dildo if you can explain our three kids.?
_____________________________
A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Her
nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, so she puts him in the closet and
shuts the door. Her husband also comes home, so she puts her lover in the
closet, with the little boy.
The little boy says, ?Dark in here.?
The man says, ?Yes, it is.?
Boy: ?I have a baseball.?
Man: ?That?s nice.?
Boy: ?Want to buy it.?
Man: ?No, thanks.?
Boy: ?My dad?s outside.?
Man: ?OK, how much??
Boy: ?$25.00?
The next few weeks find the boy and her mother?s lover in the closet together.
Boy: ?Dark in here.?
Man: ?Yes, it is.?
Boy: ?I have a baseball mitt.?
The lover remembering the last time asks the boy, ?How much??
Boy: ?$75.00?
Man: ?Fine.?
A few days later, the father says to the boy, ?Grab your glove. Let?s go outside
and toss the baseball back and forth.? The boy says, ?I can?t, I sold them.?
The father asks, ?How much did you sell them for??
Boy: ?$100.00?
The father says, ?That?s terrible to overcharge your friends like that, that is
way more than those two things cost. I?m taking you to church and making you
confess.?
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession
booth, then closes the door.
The boy says, ?Dark in here.?
The priest says, ?Don?t start that $hit again.?
_________________________________
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it?s a bad one. Both of
their
cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, ?So you?re a man, that?s
interesting. I?m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There?s nothing left,
but
fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet
and
be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.?
Flattered, the man replied, ?Oh yes, I agree with you completely!?
?This must be a sign from God!? The woman continued, ?And look at this, here?s
another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine
didn?t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good
fortune.?
Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement,
opens
it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it
back
to the man.
The man asks, ?Aren?t you having any??
The woman replies, ?No. I think I?ll just wait for the police??
