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Joke of the day

M

Mucho

Guest
passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of thecab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 23 years."

 
here's one... probably been around the block a few times but I chuckled.
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Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before the angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in.

The angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven, whereupon Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day for eternity."

The angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.

The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits it into the toilet, and pulls the lever.

The angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."

Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations, and you turn me down. She simply gargles and she gets in. Would you explain that to me?"

"Sorry, Dolly," says the angel, "but even in Heaven, a Royal Flush beats a Pair, no matter how big they are."
 
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