Joke of the day Nov 4th

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JEDIYoda

JEDIYoda

Lifer
Jul 13, 2005
33,986
3,321
126
A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife.
He went to a psychiatrist to discuss the problem.

The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem and gave him a
book on assertiveness. After finishing the book, the man went home,
stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in
her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that *I* am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my dinner, I expect a sumptuous dessert. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

"The funeral director," his wife answered.

 
KLin

KLin

Lifer
Feb 29, 2000
30,224
568
126
Uh oh, I better save this thread with a funnier joke

One night, around 3 a.m., Larry hears a loud knocking at his door. Grumbling, he pulls on some pants and goes to answer it, and sees a small drunk man standing there. "Hey, pal, can you give me a push?" the drunk asks.
"No!" Larry says. "Do you know what time it is?" He closes the door in the drunk's face, only to turn around and see his wife.
"Now Larry, don't you remember the Golden Rule? Get out there and help that poor man," she says. Grumbling louder, Larry heads out into the night, but he doesn't see anyone. "Hey, you still out here?" he asks.
"Yeah," comes a voice out of the darkness.
"You still need a push?"
"Yeah!"
Larry still can't see anybody so he yells "Well, where are you?"
"Over here on the swing!"
Click to expand...

 
HamburgerBoy

HamburgerBoy

Lifer
Apr 12, 2004
27,111
318
126
Originally posted by: KLin
Uh oh, I better save this thread with a funnier joke

One night, around 3 a.m., Larry hears a loud knocking at his door. Grumbling, he pulls on some pants and goes to answer it, and sees a small drunk man standing there. "Hey, pal, can you give me a push?" the drunk asks.
"No!" Larry says. "Do you know what time it is?" He closes the door in the drunk's face, only to turn around and see his wife.
"Now Larry, don't you remember the Golden Rule? Get out there and help that poor man," she says. Grumbling louder, Larry heads out into the night, but he doesn't see anyone. "Hey, you still out here?" he asks.
"Yeah," comes a voice out of the darkness.
"You still need a push?"
"Yeah!"
Larry still can't see anybody so he yells "Well, where are you?"
"Over here on the swing!"
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

lol.

6/10.
 
I

iamaelephant

Diamond Member
Jul 25, 2004
3,816
1
81
Originally posted by: KLin
Uh oh, I better save this thread with a funnier joke

One night, around 3 a.m., Larry hears a loud knocking at his door. Grumbling, he pulls on some pants and goes to answer it, and sees a small drunk man standing there. "Hey, pal, can you give me a push?" the drunk asks.
"No!" Larry says. "Do you know what time it is?" He closes the door in the drunk's face, only to turn around and see his wife.
"Now Larry, don't you remember the Golden Rule? Get out there and help that poor man," she says. Grumbling louder, Larry heads out into the night, but he doesn't see anyone. "Hey, you still out here?" he asks.
"Yeah," comes a voice out of the darkness.
"You still need a push?"
"Yeah!"
Larry still can't see anybody so he yells "Well, where are you?"
"Over here on the swing!"
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

:D :laugh: 8.93645/10
 
WT

WT

Diamond Member
Sep 21, 2000
4,816
59
91
A little boy dresses up as a pirate for Halloween. He has a bit of a speech impediment. The first house he goes to he says, "I'm a birate. This is my barrot. Can I have some bandy?" The woman looks at him and says, "My, my aren't you cute. But where are your buccaneers?" The boy looks are her angrily and says "On the side of my buckin' head, where are yours ???
 
D

dopcombo

Golden Member
Nov 14, 2000
1,394
0
0
Originally posted by: WT
A little boy dresses up as a pirate for Halloween. He has a bit of a speech impediment. The first house he goes to he says, "I'm a birate. This is my barrot. Can I have some bandy?" The woman looks at him and says, "My, my aren't you cute. But where are your buccaneers?" The boy looks are her angrily and says "On the side of my buckin' head, where are yours ???
Click to expand...

Did a double take before I got it. :)
 
JM Aggie08

JM Aggie08

Diamond Member
Jan 3, 2006
8,355
953
136
2 tomatoes walk into a bar.
one asks for scotch with water while the other hesitates.
finally, the 2nd one speaks up and exclaims, "freeze dried ice cream".
 
Azraele

Azraele

Elite Member
Nov 5, 2000
16,524
29
91
I liked it.

:laugh:

2 tomatoes walk into a bar.one asks for scotch with water while the other hesitates.
finally, the 2nd one speaks up and exclaims, "freeze dried ice cream".
Click to expand...

I don't get it...:confused:
 
olds

olds

Elite Member
Mar 3, 2000
50,113
775
126
Originally posted by: WT
A little boy dresses up as a pirate for Halloween. He has a bit of a speech impediment. The first house he goes to he says, "I'm a birate. This is my barrot. Can I have some bandy?" The woman looks at him and says, "My, my aren't you cute. But where are your buccaneers?" The boy looks are her angrily and says "On the side of my buckin' head, where are yours ???
Click to expand...

I smiled.
 
WT

WT

Diamond Member
Sep 21, 2000
4,816
59
91
LoL .. I just downloaded the Oldsmoboat's Law jpg too !!!! Roshambo !!!
 
P

paulney

Diamond Member
Sep 24, 2003
6,909
1
0
Originally posted by: Azraele
I liked it.

:laugh:

2 tomatoes walk into a bar.one asks for scotch with water while the other hesitates.
finally, the 2nd one speaks up and exclaims, "freeze dried ice cream".
Click to expand...

I don't get it...:confused:
Click to expand...

Freeze dried, I scream?

I don't get it either
 
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