so, the best part of this is the lack of self-awareness from the author.
...that carpet still exists to this day, and is probably very familiar to the same demographic as him, when he last experienced it: children.
that is the carpet of Skatetown, Bowling Alleys-especially with night bowling events, and Chuckie Cheese, and all the arcades and Putt Putts and Jungle Lands and combo "keep kids occupied for 1 hour while parents make out on the bumper boats" commercial enterprises. And, you know, certain dentists offices or pediatricians (the one's where it was easy to get some nitrous if you needed it...just saying)
So the additional funny, is that he thinks this is accurate, but the actual variable here is that
he just happens to have grown up.