I?m so lucky! I just got an e-mail today from some guy in Nigeria telling me that there?s a frozen bank account down there with $10 million that he has access to. But he needs a US bank account to transfer the money into. All I have to do is give Mr. Uzor Mobabenke my checking account number and I?m good to go. Ten million bucks, baby! I can?t wait! I think the first thing I?m going to do is buy some of that penis enlargement cream I keep getting e-mails about. Supposedly, that stuff is endorsed by the NAMD! I don?t know what NAMD stands for, but they sound pretty reputable.
After that, I think I?ll invest in some penny stocks. I don?t know how he got my information, but some Wall Street broker just sent me some great stock tips. 25 cents for a share of a Biotech company that makes?well, I?m not sure what they make, exactly. But 25 cents!!! It?s a steal!
I know it sounds a bit risky, but I?m not too worried. I?ve got plenty more money coming my way every day. Bill Gates sent me this e-mail the other day and if I forward it along to 10 people, he?ll send me a thousand bucks. And if those people forward it along to others, the money just starts rolling in! I?m expecting my first check in the mail any day now. Bill Gates is going to fund my retirement!
I am still a little uneasy, though. I got a chain letter yesterday that told me that horrible things would happen unless I forwarded it to 100 people. Susie James from Pittsburgh sent it to only 98 people and the next day, she lost her job, contracted the bubonic plague, and was subsequently run over by a car and a bus at the same time. I don?t even know how that?s possible.
I plan on sending the letter to my entire address book as soon as I get home. I?m just not sure if I still have 100 people to send e-mail to. A lot of people have started blocking me lately. Yeah, I know I send on a lot of e-mails. But every time I forward a letter from little 6 year old Amy Bruce's family, she gets another 5 cents towards her cancer treatment. And how was I supposed to know that I wasn't getting a naked picture of Anna Kournikova in my inbox?
I hope I have enough time to send out the chain letter tonight. I still have to get ready for my hot date. I met her in a chat room on AOL and we?ve been talking for about 2 months now. She?s a dancer/model/rocket scientist and she?s really into goofy looking engineers. What a catch! She sent me her picture yesterday. And let me tell you, she looks exactly like Cindy Crawford. In fact, she even has the same mole. And she?s even wearing an Omega watch like Cindy does. And, well, I?m not really sure why her picture actually has the Omega logo on it, but that?s okay. I?m sure there?s a good reason for that.
So all in all, things are going pretty well for me. Everything is really coming together. By next week, I should have $10 million bucks in the bank, checks coming in from Mr. Microsoft himself, an enormous penis, and a hot model girlfriend on my arm. Yes, life since I got Internet access sure is great. Now if you?ll excuse me, I just got an offer in my inbox for $29 Viagra and I don?t want my next date to go to waste?
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