ITS FRIDAY!! Time for some Jokes

[Texmaster]

What's the best form of birth control after 50?
> >
> > Nudity.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > What do attorneys use for birth control?
> >
> > Their personalities.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
> >
> > 45 lbs.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
> >
> > 45 minutes.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
> >
> > None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
> >
> > Through his chest with a sharp knife.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Why do men want to marry virgins?
> >
> > They can't stand criticism.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
> >
> > After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
> >
> > The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
> > driving.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > What do you call a smart blonde?
> >
> > A golden retriever.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Why does the bride always wear white?
> >
> > Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and
> > refrigerator.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who
> > has the biggest boobs?
> >
> > The blonde, because she's 18.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
> >
> > Ask your Mom.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
> >
> > Say, "Nice Dick."
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
> >
> > Because they have cotton balls.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
> >
> > A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
> >
> > "Are you sure it's mine?"
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
> >
> > Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
> >
> > Mace will do that to you.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
> >
> > Everyone has the same DNA.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than
> > the other?
> >
> > A speech impediment.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
> >
> > Breasts don't have eyes.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> > What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?
> >
> > A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the
> > cage, along with a recipe.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > What's the Cuban National Anthem?
> >
> > Row row row your boat.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern
> > fairytale?
> >
> > A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time."
> > A Southern fairy tale begins "'Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh@t

 

[TonyRic]

These are great...

 

[The Stigenator]

What's common between Viagra and Disneyland..


One hour wait and its over in 2 minutes.

 

[Viper0329]

 

[NotoriousJTC]

what the hell it's Friday!?!?!.... Man, summer has really gotten to me...

Funny stuff guys...

 

[crt1530]

[Brag]I'm playing hookie from work today![/Brag]

 

[mchammer187]

I must be dense but i dont get this one tho i got all the others

> What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than
> > the other?
> >
> > A speech impediment.

 

[Electric Amish]

Italian are well known for genuflecting with their hands/arms while speaking.

amish

 

[mchammer187]

thanks amish

 

[PullMyFinger]

This is one of the best Clinton bashing jokes I've heard.

A Marine colonel, on his way home from work at the Pentagon, came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's moving." He notices a police officer, walking back and forth between the lines of cars, so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?"

The officer replies, "The President of the United States is so depressed about the thought of moving to New York with Hillary that he stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway, and he's threatening to douse himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and that he doesn't have the money to pay for their new house. I'm walking around, taking up a collection for him." "Oh really? How much have you collected?" "So far, only about three hundred gallons, but there's a lot of folks still siphoning!"

 

[crt1530]

That's pretty funny, Pull.

 

[Radiohead]

Oh man, good stuff!

 

[palad]

OK, I'm gonna rain on the parade for a minute.



<< Italian are well known for genuflecting with their hands/arms while speaking >>



Not quite.

from Cambridge Dictionaries Online:

genuflect verb
to bend one or both knees as a sign of respect to God, esp. when entering or leaving a Catholic church
People were genuflecting before/in front of the altar.

from merriam-Webster:

Main Entry: gen·u·flect
Pronunciation: 'jen-y&amp;-&quot;flekt
Function: intransitive verb
Etymology: Late Latin genuflectere, from Latin genu knee + flectere to bend -- more at KNEE
Date: 1630
1 a : to bend the knee b : to touch the knee to the floor or ground especially in worship
2 : to be servilely obedient or respectful


Trying to imagine somebody trying to genuflect with their arms makes an interesting mental picture. I think the word you want is 'gesture'. Perhaps you were thinking of the word 'gesticulation.'


Yeah, I know I'm a geek.